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Tom McCaffrey

Tom McCaffrey

Posted March 18, 2009 | 03:39 PM (EST)

Who's to Blame for 'America's Next Top Model' Audition Riot? Short Women


Last Friday the 13th an open call for America's Next Top Model turned into a riot. There has been much speculation over what happened but someone has come forward and finally cleared the matter up. Apparently a gang of short women started the whole thing. For years the height requirement for female models has been 5' 10" but Tyra Banks opened this year's competition to women of any height. Big mistake.

The whole reason behind this height requirement goes way back into the 1920's. Used to be that women of any height could model, but that all changed after a notorious fashion show in 1923 where 50 models, all under the height of 5'9", snapped and started attacking each other. The fight got out of control and three beloved innocent tall models were killed.

A psychiatrist had this to offer,"You just can't let women under 5' 10" model. There's just something about short women. It's a different mentality. They don't have the self control that comes with great height. It's like they always feel like the have something to prove. Plus, due to their lack of height they usually wear very uncomfortable high heels and a seething tension builds up in them. Short women are like ticking time bombs when they're around much taller women. Everything about them is short, including their fuses." After the 1923 tragedy the height requirement was put into action to prevent any further unnecessary deaths. It worked too, models have been pretty complacent ever since, save for a few entertaining cat fights on Sunset Blvd.

But last Friday, when Tyra Banks opened up her competition to women of any height, tragedy struck once again. "These short women just went crazy. They don't know how to conduct themselves. They're animals. I didn't even see who attacked me, ya know, because they were so short. I'm sorry but short women should not be allowed to model! They shouldn't even be allowed to interact with tall women," a bruised up tall woman said from her hospital bed.

Apparently the whole melee started when someone yelled out "Nice dress shorty!" And a 4'11" woman lost it and punched a 5'11" aspiring model in the knees. After that, a gang of shorties went after some tall models and pulled their hair. One tall model was kicked repeatedly by a gang of short women as they mocked her 'skinny long legs.' We interviewed a 5' tall irate woman. "This small group of crazy short women are ruining it for all of us. We've made great strides and this sets us back at least 80 years. It just gives the modeling industry an excuse to not hire us. We also need to address female short on short crime which has reached a fever pitch but the media chooses to ignore."

I personally think it's unfair that women are discriminated against because of their height. Women shouldn't be judged on how tall they are but rather on how hot they are.