I'd like to thank a commentator on my last post, "Love Is Talking, Are You Listening?" for prompting me to ask this question after he mentioned the "ever-present desperation" with which we look for love. With Valentine's Day behind us, this is the perfect time to take a closer look at our relationship with this inebriating elixir we call love.
Yes, indeed, love is a drug unlike any other, producing an internal firework display of intense chemicals coursing through our neural pathways. Love's symptoms run the gamut from the oxytocin highs of the infatuated lover to the serotonin lows of the forelorn inamorato. To a great extent, we are all junkies for love, aren't we? Under love's influence, we step out of our limitations into a world of colorful infinite possibilities; our senses are heightened to the max and deliciously exhilarated. We can never get enough of our beloved. We are hooked.
The similarities between love and drugs are striking:
- They both feel really good on the way up and really bad on the way down.
- The first experience is etched in our memories forever.
- We'll go to great lengths to get our fix.
- The price to sustain our addiction can be very steep.
- We can overdose on both.
These similarities should serve as cautionary tales of the many pitfalls we can encounter on our way to a more abundant and fulfilling love life. Settling for experiences of love that come and go always leaves us wanting more. Only by becoming aware that love originates inside of our heart center, not from outside stimulus, can we ourselves start to activate it. Our relationship with love directly influences our ability to love others in the world. The deeper we can tap into our own love source, the more genuinely we can share our love with others.
Here are a few suggestions to help us enjoy more of love's magnificent gifts:
Let's Get Off the Street Drug and on the Real Thing
From the commercial hype over St. Valentine's Day to the overused of the word 'love' in our daily lives, we have basically desensitized ourselves from the full impact of love's mystery and magic. Love is a formidable force that sweeps us off our feet and takes us to unbelievable highs, paradoxically empowering us and making us feel our most vulnerable at the same time. It's mysterious because it is beyond the mind's ability to understand it and control it.
Until now, most of us have perceived Love through its presence or absence in our worldly relationships. It's as though we have been unconsciously avoiding a direct relationship with love and have instead cemented our beliefs that love can only be felt in our interactions with others. Love's Source resides inside of our Being -- deeper than our ego selves, closer than our breath and more accessible than we imagine. All we need to do is to start to look for it within.
Love Feels So Good. Does It Have to Feel So Bad, Too?
When we rest in our lover's arms, we are resting in our authentic selves. We don't have a care in the world. There is no tomorrow, just now. We relax in our own essence. We can feel our full potential. We are swimming in our own pool of the most potent natural drugs available (oxytocin, endorphins and dopamine). No wonder love feels so good!
But when the party is over, the searing pain we feel is the result of our neural systems going totally haywire. Chemically speaking, we are actually having withdrawal symptoms. It isn't love that hurts -- it's the sudden disappearance of love that we feel as a visceral rejection of all that we are. This doesn't need to be so. We already possess the best love generator. To switch it on, we have to become aware of its presence. Once the motor is running, there is no off switch. Love is generated all the time and is available when the outside power runs out. So when our relationships don't provide us with the love we feel we need, we can turn to our internal love reserve. Love never has to feel bad again and we never have to run out of it.
Are We Looking for Love in All the Right Places?
If we are only looking for love outside of ourselves, we are looking in the wrong places and will never be satisfied. We can share our love with others in a way that will fulfill both us and them only if our love reserves are full. Then love works its magic: Our partners and our loved ones do not need to do or to provide anything for us to love them. Our expressions of love are genuine, spontaneous. Love is fun, rewarding and uplifting. It reveals itself as present, neutral and constant. Love's continuous desire for expression prompts within us a myriad of positive and uplifting feelings such as compassion, joy and gratitude for us to share with the world. Valentine's Day is now every day.
Should We Head To Love's Rehab?
If we continue to step full throttle on love's pedal, only to get blindsided by obstacles along the way, we may be ready for a stint at Love's rehab. We're not going there to get rid of love, but to shed light on our old habits and to rejuvenate our capacity to love. Love's rehab takes place in the silent, most inner chamber of our hearts. When we meditate and noise subsides, we drop into the quietness of our being, where the most passionate, melodious ballad can be heard reverberating within. Without a doubt, we know it is healing our wounds, uniting us and gracing us with the highest capacity for human understanding.
Toni Emerson is a writer, speaker and is currently working on her book, "The Love Dialogues". Visit her on her website, www.TheLoveDialogues.com. For Free Love Quotes delivered daily to your inbox or to your loved one's inbox, visit www.LoveQuoteOfTheDay.com.