The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Toni Emerson Headshot

3 Simple Steps to Get the Love You Want

Posted: Updated:

Imagine for a moment the following:

You are lying next to your lover, your warm bodies entwined in the afterglow of lovemaking.
You gaze into your lover's eyes and disappear in an experience of oneness. No words are spoken, yet your hearts communicate intimately and deeply. At peace in your lover's arms, you are also at rest in your own authentic self, oblivious to time and space. You don't have a care in the world, you feel complete and lack nothing. A joyful, peaceful state you wish could last forever!

At that very moment, we are, in fact, responding to an internal fireworks display of intense electro-chemicals coursing through our neural pathways. We swim in a pool of natural, yet highly potent drugs (oxytocin, endorphins, and dopamine). No wonder love feels so good! It gives us a glimpse into the immensity of our being and a sense of our limitless potential. Love has the unique ability to make us feel vulnerable and powerful at the same time -- the apex of human experience.

Wouldn't it be great if we could bottle that feeling and its accompanying physical benefits? We would have the long sought-after nectar of health and happiness, the elixir of love and eternal life. It's important to note though that romantic love is just one expression of unconditional Love with a capital L, which is the most transformational power we have at our disposal, and which, under the layers of ego-identification, is our most natural state of being.

The good news is that we can all access this state, feel the love that arises from it, and harness its power for our health, happiness and success. Here are a few easy steps to re-connect to our source of love anytime we want to:

1. Realize that Love is always an inside job: Indeed, everything that I described above is happening inside us. Of course, these love hormones are typically triggered from outside sources. But the feeling of Love arises from being with someone who, like an almost-perfect mirror, reflects back to us the Love that resides within us and that flows out of us. This outside trigger, in fact, activates our own love center from which we can draw an unlimited amount of love and which is available to us at any time. We mistakenly shift the origin of this incredible feeling that makes us swoon to outside triggers, instead of realizing that we are the originators of the love we are looking for. Love's source resides inside our being, deeper than our ego selves. Shift your awareness towards your heart center, the source of all your love experiences.

2. Reconnect with your love source throughout the day by focusing your awareness on your heart center and by literally exercising your heart muscle. Start your day with a short love meditation to warm the heart. Then bring loving awareness into your day by radiating it outward to everyone you meet, and by infusing it into your daily activities. You may not know the lady at your supermarket's cash register, but radiate from your heart center feelings of love and appreciation for who she is, and for the unique place she occupies in the world. The energy of Love has a compounding and reverberating effect. The more we feel it, the more we can share it and the more we, in turn, receive it. Live from an open heart throughout the day, conscious of the moments when your reactions constrict the flow of love that naturally emanates from your heart. Then gently release the tension you feel inside by refocusing on loving awareness. What you put your attention on grows exponentially.

3. Develop a relationship with love itself and let love become your co-pilot in life. Start a Love Journal and imagine, for a moment, if love had a voice, what would it be telling you? Love is our best teacher. When we honor it inside of ourselves instead of looking for it on the outside, self-doubt becomes self-love. Our relationship with love directly influences our ability to love others in the world; and the deeper we can tap into our own love source, the more genuinely we can share it with others. This allows us to love more deeply, authentically and unconditionally. Love is also our "inner artist" and, once we reconnect with it, it has the power to release our innate, hidden, passion and creativity. Our life becomes a true homage to this magnificent power that has shaped and guided the universe from the beginning of time.

By loving from the inside out, we live the most beautiful and satisfying relationship between our heart and the collective human heart. Everything that separates us from an actual, sustainable experience of love disappears, not by any doing on your part, but by letting love do the undoing. We have all the necessary ingredients to live our lives anchored in a continuous state of love and become true beacons of light and love in the world.

There is one final point I would like to share with you. Even though these may seem to be abstract spiritual principles, they have profound and practical applications in the real world. Harnessing the power of love has helped me overcome addictions, chronic illness, loss and major life transitions.

For more by Toni Emerson, click here.

For more on emotional wellness, click here.

Toni Emerson is a writer, a holistic coach, and a spiritual activist. You can visit her on her website at www.ToniEmerson.com