Aside from being quiet and shy, which made me a great target, I was also born with albinism. This means I am super pale, even more so when I was younger, and have a difficult time seeing things far away -- which put me in the front of the classroom and drew even more attention to me.
I was never physically attacked, but the name-calling began in elementary school and followed me all the way into high school.
It was difficult and sad and not something I want anyone to experience.
Especially my son, who is beginning to get bullied himself. At just 3 years old.
He's always been pushed around by his cousin, who's just a few weeks older than him. They're family and I've talked to his mom, my sister-in-law, about it, and we're helping them work it out. But the other day at the park another boy, one we'd never seen before, zoned in on my son.
First the boy, who was probably a year older than my son, pushed him on the playground bridge for no discernible reason. Later he grabbed my son's arm and began tugging on him, at which point I yelled "Hey!" and a distant mom said, "We don't touch people." When it happened again, I yelled "Let go!" and when Levi came over to me I said, loudly, "That boy is being mean and we don't have to play with mean people." We walked away and shortly thereafter went home for the day.
I've heard that "boys will be boys" and other junk phrases. I don't buy it. I've also heard that I need to teach my son to stand up for himself, and that is, sadly, not something I thought I'd have to start doing this early.
It breaks my heart because my boy is perfectly content playing alone and doing his own thing. He's independent and a little quirky and is fine just being left alone. So for another little boy to target him and be mean for no good reason is maddening. My son wasn't bothering you, little boy, so why did you go after him?
My fear is that this behavior will continue and follow my son into his school years. That he will continue to be devalued by his peers. That his own self-worth will be broken down by each cruel interaction.
I can't fight his battles for him. No one could fight them for me when I was a little girl. But there are things I can do and will do.
I will teach him how to identify a mean person and to stay away from them. They're pretty easy to spot once you know what to look for.
I will teach him to find the nice people and stick with them. I still believe there are more of these types of people than the others.
I will teach him that he, as a person, is worthy of respect and kindness and does not deserve to be treated unkindly by his peers or anyone.
I will teach him that everyone is worthy of respect and kindness, and encourage him to extend grace to everyone.
And, yes, I will teach him to stand up for himself, but I will also teach him to stand up for others. To speak up when something wrong is happening. To do the right thing regardless of what the consequences may be.
My son doesn't need to "man up." Other kids need to stop acting like jerks. But we don't live in a perfect society, so instead of teaching him to man up, I will teach him to stand up. Stand up against cruelty. Stand up against injustice. Stand up against those who just want to tear other people down.
And I will cling to hope. Hope that perhaps this behavior won't follow him into school. Hope that he will always do what's right. Hope that he will be a difference-maker instead of a deviant. Hope that he will be a loving and kind and respectful person. I think we can all agree that's the best thing we can do for our kids and the future generation.
You can find more from Toni Hammer at Is It Bedtime Yet, on Facebook, and on Twitter.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.