How many people's mouths would you stick your finger in? A lot. I would stick my finger in a lot of people's mouths. But how many people would you let stick their finger in your mouth? Not as many! There is a biological difference between the way women and men experience sex, and each gender should view and treat sex in its own way. I think women need a velvet rope and a self-important doorman for their vaginas, monitoring who gets access. If you're not on the list, you are not coming inside.
I am not suggesting a return to an archaic repression of female sexuality, expecting women to be virgins even after they have given birth. The double standard of the male stud and female slut is not only outdated, but also makes no sense. Who are all these guys sleeping with if no one is supposed to put out? Most likely any self-possessed woman is going to spend at least one period of her life on a whore tour and still have the t-shirt to match. Discovering different sides of your sexual self is often achieved through multiple partners, and I think sampling the variety is part of the human experience. But after you have indulged your inner whore, there comes a time to embrace your inner prude as well.
If you sleep with a guy too soon and the sex was bad, you can end up feeling as dirty as massaging a dead rat with your tongue, searching for a scrub brush for your vagina, or maybe even a plunger. But if the sex was good, you would want to do it again, and again, and again. The more you orgasm, the more oxytocin is released in your brain, which is the "bonding hormone." Most likely, you will feel physically and physiologically attached to that guy whose penis was inside you. Go figure. Even if you think you don't "want anything serious" you probably still wonder, question, ponder "where is this all going?"
Of course, not all sex has to be about relationships, but denying the connection between emotions and sex is ignoring the complexity. Sleeping with someone makes you feel something. But isn't that okay? If sex were as intimate as a handshake, what would happen to the magic?
That is why I am an advocate for dry humping. It honors the involvedness of sex, giving you time to actually sort out how you both feel about each other, but still leaves something to build up to. And the likelihood of you feeling like crap because a guy you wiggled around with never called is less then if he actually penetrated your panties. But if you are both attracted to each other, the dry humping session will only make you more so.
This is the thing about attraction. Because of birth control, be it medicinal or condoms, women have the freedom to sleep with men they would never procreate with. But the majority of studies indicate that baby making potential is the main facilitator of lust. From smell indicating a compatible immune system and gene pool for breeding, to pheromones, to symmetry, to signs of fertility. We are pushed by our animal instincts towards making more humans. You wouldn't want to devour him if your animal self didn't crave his sperm. And if you sleep with a guy right away it is not the best way to start a relationship. Not because you should fear his judgment of you, but because things that start fast end fast.
Yet if you audition people with the dry hump, your restraint will not only benefit you, but your fellow female sisters as well. By being a little prude, you are helping the male species remember that being inside a woman's body is actually a really big deal. In the world of nature, the males dance like Michael Jackson, or kill some another dude just to get into some bird's wings. Going home with someone who bought you a beer is hardly worth letting them inside your body. The harder a guy has to work to get into your pants, the better he will treat the girl wearing them. I don't think I have ever regretted waiting to sleep with someone, but I sure as shingles have regretted sleeping with someone too soon.
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This is what I disagree with the most.
It's implying that sex is bad. That when you have sex, a guy is taking something from you. Sex should not be about control, it should be about a shared positive experience. You can sleep with someone quickly and still demand and warrant their respect and good treatment.
BS, everyone is unique. All these rules do is confuse our social interactions to the point where we see our romantic interests as enemies or things to be conquered.
Doesn't sound like a good position to put oneself in, so to speak.
There is another approach. Open honest discussion of expectations and feelings.
I'm not saying I'm in favor of the "dry humping" approach, nor do I advocate giving in to sex too soon, just saying how incredibly intoxicating good chemistry can be.
Sometimes chemistry is all there is. It's sad to find that out after the fact.
I prefer getting to know someone before taking things any farther. "Expectations and feelings" about a new acquaintance can change in a short amount of time.
I'd like to see Hollywood explore this "from today's headlines" social issue. Might I suggest a remake of that chaste British classic "Brief Encounter" where the two protagonists stare longingly at each other. This could be tastefully updated to include a quick dry one at the local motel 8.
Voluminous, is it?