On The Importance Of Details
One of my all time favorite pastimes is people-watching, and ever since I moved to New York I couldn't be happier. It's like being part of a giant fashion show and the sidewalk is the runway. Every street, every block, every neighborhood has another real life model strutting her stuff in this great metropolis.
Then I started to look a little closer...
To my dismay, not all was what it seemed. Not all of you were paying attention! Not all were taking the time to pull it together! When I looked a little closer, things were good from afar, but far from good. My rose-colored glasses are cracked and some of you are skipping whole steps -- things you forgot to do. You think no one notices or you simply couldn't be bothered.
THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, LADIES!
This needs to be addressed because you're getting on my nerves when I know you're just being lazy or you've put yourself so far down the list of priorities--job... kids... boyfriends/girlfriends... whatever! You're accessorizing and paying attention to your fall looks like I told you, but missing the minor KEY details.
I forgot to mention: NO MATTER HOW FAB THE COAT, THE BAG, THE SHOE - if you've got three inch roots, Frida Kahlo's brows, and you're walking on the nails of your stilettos -- it does not work! Ladies, repeat after me: IT'S ALL IN THE DETAILS!
Let me give you an example of two women: one who paid attention to the deets and one who did not. I was at a NY charity event last week. The invitation called for cocktail attire. I arrived early to people-watch and two ladies walked in. Both had on LBDs. (For the last time -- Little Black Dresses). Both had on strappy shoes. THAT'S where the similarities ended. One was MUCH more pulled together than the other. The girl who had it together -- let's call her Sally -- her dress fit perfectly -- it was the right length and hugged her in all the right places, her shoes fit well, her fingers and toes were manicured, her hair pulled back in a simple chignon, perfect clutch, makeup flawless and appropriate. She looked stylish and polished and was exuding confidence. She would have a good evening. Her friend, let's call her Gerty...dress? Not so well fitted (a bit baggy) with a saggy hem, swimming in her shoes (foot sliding down past the front of the shoe ends), chipped nail polish and 2 toes missing color (obviously in a hurry), hair -- at least 2 inches should have been cut off because it was beyond dead, and make-up -- lets just say if you do use cover up -- for heavens sake do your neck! What did I say about new mascara? Spider eyes are a no-go. She looked hurried, flustered and NOT confident. I'm sure she had a very different evening.
It does not take much to make allll the difference in the world. Here are a few simple deets:
Feet : Toes should be done. Winter is no excuse. You might be sleeping with somebody and if you are, they don't want to see gnarly toes. Would you?! It doesn't give you an excuse not to shave either. Your shoes should ALWAYS fit and be well-maintained. Do not borrow your friends shoes, do not squeeze into shoes that are to small or, for that matter, buy shoes that are too big - EVER. Clown shoes were never in vogue.
Moisturize: Elbows, Ankles, Knees and Toes. You know the song. Also everywhere else in between. It doesn't have to be expensive, anything by Nivea will do. A dear friend of mine who is a plastic surgeon, Shirley Madhere, won't even do a lift unless the skin is highly moisturized. Your DNA skin samples flaking off at various events, leaving a trail is never a good look...this is not an episode CSI or Forensic Files.
Undergarments: A HUGE DETAIL. Stained bras, panties, slips, cami's, stockings with holes, things with broken elastic and anything held together with a safety pin must be thrown away - immediately! Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. Once it is discovered (by accident or by circumstance) you'll thank me for the lack of embarrassment you won't have to suffer through. Didn't your mom always say make sure you had on clean undies in case you got into an accident? So PLEASE make sure all of your underpinnings FIT CORRECTLY! Most women are wearing the wrong size bra. If you have back fat, you may not be fat! You just might have on the wrong bra. Lastly, SPANX under everything! This is the equivalent of liposuction without the surgery.
Makeup: If you had your colors done no less than five years ago, get them done AGAIN! Skin changes. Your freckles pop, moles show, you gain and lose tans. You need to be reassessed just like everything else. Your makeup needs to be clean. You want to know why you have bad skin? You've been brushing yourself with that tool that has survived colds, breakups, and infection. My gosh. Help yourself. It's ugly and unsanitary. You'll thank me. Great skin beats a new designer bag - ANYDAY.
Hair: This is a very sensitive subject so I'll make it short and sweet. Whatever your hairstyle, make sure it is maintained -- we're talking color and cut. You know those crazy commercials where people are swinging their hair and loving it -- it could be you. It's no joke. I have a few beautiful friends in LA with that kind of hair. They didn't always have that hair, but a great hairdresser is worth a million bucks!
At the end of the day you can say life is more important than looking good. That may be true, but I do know this. When we look good, we feel great. When we feel great, wonderful things can happen. Start with one deet and see how you feel!
Always remember, never forget: First impressions are forever.
This was originally published in December 2007.
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Hi Tony,
Love it! You are very observant, honest and funny. Your article has stimulated some great conversation and I do not think is sexist. You chose to write this article for the female audience. I'm sure you could write an article for men on the same topic.
I agree, I think women should care about their appearances. You don't need to be skinny, pretty, vein and rich to look your best. You just need a little bit of time and attention. Our bodies are our temples and how we take care of ourselves says a lot about how we feel and our self esteem. Whether you're single or married and with children, you should never neglect yourself. There's no excuse.
Lastly, looking good and feeling good can improve your personal and professional life. When you shine, people take notice. It's true.
One of the things I dislike the most are people who do not take time to iron their clothes and polish their shoes. Something simple as that can make you look presentable and this applies to both men and women.
Look forward to reading your next piece Tony. Your articles are well written...
Karen
All bodes beautifully for Mr. Alcindor's helpful blog. Our apparel reflects one of our most vital needs: namely, to communicate our uniqueness. Virginia Woolf was right when she said: “Vain trifles as they seem, clothes… change our view of the world and the world’s view of us.” Bravo! BRAVO!
I have tried every size, cut and brand of "spanx-like" undergarments from the original to some version from Leggs (I think). I don't know who thinks these things make you look better, but I have yet to see the appeal. I have tried every size from medium to XXL (I'm a 14) and at least two different styles in each size. None seemed to make anything look skinner except my wallet.
Next - any man who cares what color your toenails are has a fetish. Regular guys do not care what color you toenails are, or if you have the perfect bag or LBD; however, they are very helpful in the moisturizer department. I can guarantee that if you get out of the shower and ask any man to help you make sure you get moisturizer all over, they will go into OCD mode to make sure they get this just right.
I like you. Keep it up. Don't mind what the other women are saying--they can just skip reading you. I want to read you and I count.
Tony,
Wow! You really struck a nerve with a lot of women! Who would think advice on how to look great, be well-groomed and confident unleashed all levels of rage!?!?! I have my theories, but no need to excite more women! Moving on, as a woman, I loved your post! Your article was common sense to me, but as they say 'common sense ain't that common'!
By the way, I am one of those people who thinks Frida Kahlo was an artistic genius.
Hey Mr. Alcindor, I give you credit for knowing style, but how about putting things into a little perspective? Have you never heard of the difference between being not-rich and being filthy-rich? Of having all the time and money in the world to get ready to make a knockout appearance, as opposed to holding down a job and raising a family? Your blog is amusing, even enlightening in some way, but are you serious?
I always wonder if EVERY woman in the world quit coloring her hair we wouldn't have the exact same # of redheads, blondes, and brunettes.
What is it about hair that every woman in America wants something other than what God gave them -- straight, curly, blonde, brunette, thick, thin...
Tony!
How wonderful that you have the time and money to be manicured and coiffeured every minute of every day. I will agree to a few basics such as "take the nail polish off," and "less is more" in the face painting department. However, (surprise!) not every woman has the time or money to invest in LBDs that fit perfectly all the time (clearly you're not a woman whose body can change in days-just enough to make anything ill-fitting; no, you're a man whose pants and shirt are more forgiving), and bag that matches to a T.
Women WORK! Women are the PRIMARY caregivers for everyone from their husbands, children (is that redundant?) to parents.
Generally I agree with you: less is more-especially make-up and accessories. But the reality is that not all of us have the luxury of sitting in a salon to have our make-up done, then the ability to hand over hundreds of dollars every 6 months - at least - for the "latest" colors and brushes that have survived "infections" (perhaps some mild soap and water??!?!?)
Invest in classics that will last and last and never go out of style. If you cannot afford (dah) the "super duper" haircut, color, and weave (not to mention monthly touch-ups), find a class style - yes, even if it means being YOURSELF and proudly showing your gray - and stick with it.
Children need clothes, education, healthcare, daycare, love, and attention. If it means I don't have that "perfect bag" to go with the LBD, get over yourself. Perhaps, just perhaps, I did have THE BAG, but upon leaving, my 2-year old pulled it off the counter and had an "accident" on it.
I, too, can be a fashion snob but get real! Try walking in the shoes of a working woman -to work, the subway, groceries, childcare, etc., on with limited time and budget.
Let's see what you look like after a year.
How about some *practical* advice for those of us who aren't Michelle Pfeiffer in One Fine Day?
I can't believe we are still reading such sexist claptrap in the 21st century. Insisting that women are to be reduced to objects, viewed and judged is demeaning. Maybe "Gerty" came to support the charity, chipped toes and all, and I doubt that Frieda would give a rats ass what you think about her eyebrows. That that is all you see of them says more about you than them.
For the first few paragraphs, I was convinced (actually hoping) this was a satire of some kind. How lovely of yet another man to sit in arrogant critique and judgment of us women -- when most of us live all too intimately with our deficiencies, real or perceived or marketed . . . and need more fashion battering like we need another pair of asphyxiating Spanx. I love how it's "not acceptable, ladies" for us to dare walk out the door without a simple chignon and perfect clutch -- because we'll "get on the nerves" of guys like Tony who have a pretty twisted way of suggesting that we're "lazy" by virtue of not buying into these totally arbitrary guidelines. Not buying it, Tony. Maybe that's what really gets in your craw. Not everyone is bought and sold by those commercial parameters. Telltale Spanx creases under jeans do not the woman make.
That's right ladies, spend all your money on maintianing the illusion that perfection (ie. comformity) and everlasting youth (which contradicts the laws of nature) are accessible if you just try harder and spend more money and time on your daily regiment. I work in market research and if I have to see one more commercial of airbrushed woman after airbrushed woman being used to con other women out of their hard-earned money just to keep up an entirely false notion, then I'll scream. It wouldn't be so bad if the target of these ads were 50-50 men to women, but we know they're not and mass marketers know why. It's a hell of a lot easier to con women into plopping down their cash for shit they don't need then men. These women couldn't possibly spend their money on things like, I don't know, stocks or a college education, instead an overpriced, going to go out-of-style anyway wardrobe.
Maybe if more women were educated and wealthy enough to sit on the boards of these deluded fantasy-making machines known as marketing and advertisement then a female blogger could and would be writing articles like this about all the lowly men who just can't get it together enough to make themselves look like Brad Pitt.
Tony, I, too, live in NYC. Unlike LA, most women in the city have to think of practical concerns like whether or not she can walk around in 4 inch heels all day (through the streets and subways) and whether wearing too many eye catching pieces of jewelry or skimpy outfits will make her a target for some guy who feels like following her home. Women in LA have the luxury of cars and isolated neighborhoods to live in. They can easily show the world only what they want the world to see. This is why I love NYC. Pretense will only get you so far, substance is far more important.
Nice of you to compare EverydayWoman with multi millionaires like JLO and that other woman!
Real cool....
A very enlightened and informative post.
IS THE "BAD HAIR" DRAG QUEEN RUDINA?...
Naw, the look is wrong....
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