BROWARD COUNTY, Fla. -- Dismayed by a growing percentage of students who perform poorly on the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test (FCAT), the Broward County School Board voted on Wednesday to reduce class sizes, invest in new classroom technology, increase teacher training and extend the school day to accommodate morning and afternoon study periods.
No, of course they didn't do that. But they did vote to oppose standardized testing. Seriously.
Apparently the Board's reasoning is thus -- our kids suck at the FCAT, ergo the FCAT sucks -- a sound inference if you're five.
The Board passed a resolution opposing standardized testing as the primary means for assessing school performance, maintaining that the focus on such testing stifles teacher creativity and actually impedes learning. In a subsequent vote, the Board passed another resolution opposing height as a primary qualification to play center for the Miami Heat, noting that such an arbitrary criterion thwarts the ambition of dwarf students trying out for basketball.
According to a report in South Florida's Sun Sentinel, "Opposition to the FCAT was strong in the board room Wednesday, with students, parents and teachers sharing horror stories. 'It's caused a lot of anxiety for me,'" said Blaire Hirt, 17, a senior at Piper High School in Sunrise. 'The morning of the FCAT writing, I threw up.'"
I know how he feels. I threw up the morning of the SAT, but of course I'd been at Chris Hartney's house boozing the night before.
I was alarmed to learn that opposition to standardized testing has spawned a movement. Says the Sun Sentinel, "[T]he Palm Beach County School District passed a similar resolution in April, and Martin and St. Lucie counties have also joined the fight."
Is this honestly how we're going to confront the fact that our students, aggregately, have fallen far behind those of other advanced countries? Are we now so resigned to academic under-achievement that we're not only going to lower the bar, we're going to throw it out?
According to Board member Robin Bartleman, "The classroom should be fun. Kids should be excited about learning and not be afraid they're going to be punished for one test."
Is that right? Why should the classroom be fun? If fun is the key to learning, why not outsource education to Chuck E. Cheese? Can't you imagine an animatronic mouse and his fur-bearing cohorts strumming through math: "Hey kids, know what a quadratic equation is? That's OK. Neither do I. But it has something to do with foil. Oooooooh, this old man, he played one... "
Upon learning of Broward County's bold surrender to the inexorable march of ignorance, I recalled a broadside unleashed by Roger Ebert for the Chicago Sun Times last July. It seems that MacMillan put out a new "intermediate level" version of The Great Gatsby as "retold" by one Margaret Tarner. An intermediate reader, it seems, is expected to have a grasp of 1,600 key words. Advanced readers are, per MacMillan, expected to know 2,200 words.
So the intermediate Gatsby is, as it turns out, not Gatsby at all -- it's something 67-pages long that panders to possessors of feeble vocabularies, probably the types of kids who vomit before standardized tests.
As Ebert wrote, "Any high school student who cannot read The Great Gatsby in the original cannot read."
I agreed with that sentiment at the time and I think I still do. However, actions like those by the Broward County School Board have me wondering now whether it's actually the case that any high school student who cannot read The Great Gatsby in the original just shouldn't be tested on it. Testing isn't fun. Heck reading isn't always fun, especially if you're sub-literate.
I'm glad the kids of Broward County are under the watch and care of such considerate leaders and if I ever make it to a Broward School Board meeting I sure hope there's milk and cookies and maybe a cool video about shapes and, like, science and stuff.
It's sad. But cheer up. I found your friends Elmo and Cookie Monster!
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.