To the "popular girl" from high school who never thought she would gain weight but did:
I have an incredible memory. I wish I didn't. I wish moments in my life weren't vivid in my mind. They are.
I can remember every time you and your friends laughed at me. Many people laughed at me. It is hard not to laugh at a fat kid, right? I remember the names you mumbled in class and didn't think I heard.
"Fat" was the easy one. "Porky" was better but still not creative. Another one was "Jabba The Hut." Hey, it is better than "Fat Fuck" which I heard from others, but still bad.
I remember getting the fake party invites. I can remember being so excited to be included only for it to be a huge joke. And I fell for it time and time again because I was the fat kid and I wanted to be in your group. I wanted to be your friend.
I remember feeling like the biggest piece of garbage in the world.
But that was years ago. Right? Over 20 years ago.
Time heals all wounds. That is what people tell me. I wish I didn't replay those memories. But I do.
And I also remember walking down the hall and you telling your friend "I will never be fat like Tony." And I prayed for the day you ate those words. And that day came.
I was shocked when I got your email. You started the email like we were best friends. We weren't.
Of course, there was a reason you wrote me. You gained weight. A lot of weight. You told me life was hard, and you were sorry for the way you treated me. Because you are now in the same hell I was once in.
You asked for help and advice in your email. You now know exactly how I felt when you laughed at me years ago.
You never thought this would happen to you. Most people do not. They are carefree with words. It is easy to make fun of someone because of their weight. That is until the scale laughs harder than you ever did.
And here you are. In the position I was in.
And you now are asking the person you made feel like shit for help. The man who lost over 200 pounds and got out of his personal hell.
You are not my friend. You never were. You just hate the place you are in and will do anything to get out.
I am used to "fat." Names and insults do not phase me. I am so numb from them it isn't even funny. But you aren't. You maybe aren't used to the comments your parents or husband or kids might say.
Hell, you might not even be used to the voices in your head.
But here you are. Asking me for help. Asking the fat kid you tormented for advice.
And I will help you. I will help you in any way I can.
I will help you because I refuse to be an ugly person like you were. I refuse ever to be an asshole like you were. And I refuse ever to shame people like you did.
But I get it. You were young. You were popular and had an image to uphold. And you changed.
I didn't change. I was always nice. And caring.
Shame you never realized that until you needed to,
Sincerely,
Tony Posnanski