When I started writing for HuffPost a couple of years ago, my father did the same. But instead of becoming a blogger with a byline, he gave himself an alias (which will remain top secret for the purposes of this blog) and became one of the many commenters who make up the large Greek chorus that adds feedback, praise, and often a bit of snark to the pontifications of the "official" HuffPosters.
Because many Huff blogs receive hundreds or even thousands of comments, a lot of my dad's gems got lost in the shuffle. So last year, for his birthday, I trawled through his hundreds of comments on posts ranging from Sarah Palin to baseball, and put some of my favorites up here. My dad seemed to like it, and so did a lot of other folks who read it.
In case you're wondering, my dad made a living for many decades as a copywriter. He did everything from direct mail to those little cards that fall out of magazines, starting in the Mad Men era ("We really did drink that much," he's told me) right through to the Internet Age. Now retired, he keeps his mind sharp and his writing skills sharper by "doing battle" by mail with inept politicians, greedy corporations, and his local cable company. The latter got so exasperated with his stream of printed invective that he was given a ridiculously low monthly rate, provided he stop complaining and threatening to report them to the FCC. If you need proof that the pen is indeed mightier than the sword, look no further.
Over the years, my dad's writing has become more concise and razor-sharp -- he can say in a paragraph or a sentence what it takes an entire blog for me to get out. So when Twitter exploded onto the landscape with its 140-character limits, it seemed tailor-made for him. I suggested he join up, share his musings with the Twitterati and become a, um, Twelebrity. Alas, the best way to get my dad to not do something is to tell him he ought to do it. (You know dads; they're a stubborn lot.) So for now, at least, he's sticking to HuffPost.
In one of my favorites of his HuffPost comments, he says, "Why do we have to wait for guys to die before we know about them? Can't they run pre-obituary stuff in newspapers? 'PEOPLE YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT( AND HAVE PROBABLY NEVER HEARD OF) BEFORE THEY KICK OFF.'" With that in mind, here's the sequel to "My Dad's Greatest Hits." Happy birthday, Dad, and here's to many more!
On Obama:
Please take it as a given that all politicians lie, even Saint Obama, and I claim this as one who remains staunchly with Obama. What, after all, is the alternative?
On Republicans:
Pat Buchanan suffers from constipation of the soul. His peculiar voice quality is a symptom.
Jobs for Palin: Joe the Plumber's plumber's helper Lens Crafter eyeglass model. See-Russia-from-Alaska tour guide 50 Ways to Cook Moose cookbook author Rush Limbaugh's second banana Planned Parenthood lecturer to unplanned grandparents Author of How to Be Plucked from Obscurity and Pluck 'em Back How-I-Do-It hair stylist ...
Bush and Cheney deserved each other but the country deserved neither of them.
Cheney has now become this country's nutty uncle and should be confined to his quarters in the attic.
On Fox News:
Fox News's huge ratings are further proof, if any were needed, of the preponderance of ignoramuses, know-nothings, and the pea-brained among the general population.
On pop culture:
In America, female breasts seem to be a big deal even in the case of Sharon Stone where they're not that big (a deal).
Thriller was a category killer about which I could write a Megillah. Ever since I saw MJ moonwalk I've been practicing. Longest time I practiced anything.
I'm getting an education in all the pop-culture music stuff I missed when it was happening -- everything, say, after the Beatles. BTW do the Stones have anything to do with the Cojones or do I have something twisted?
On politics:
Show me a politician who's running because he wants to spend less time with his family and I'll show you a guy I'd vote for in a Noo Yawk minute.
On big business:
I can screw up a company as well as the next guy. Where do I apply, and how big will my bonus be? I'll even humble myself and take just a division or a subsidiary. You want a screwup? I'm your man. Just let's lock in my bonus CONTRACTUALLY so, no matter what. I won't be penalized if I accidentally turn a proft...
Poetry corner:
Re health care:
How did Max Baucus
Get to become
A caucus
Of one?
Random observations:
It took them decades to create the LL Bean we know and love. It will take them a season or two to achieve an irrevocable screwup.
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
Ask yourself: if YOU took whatever A-Rod dosed himself with, would it make you half the player he was before he took anything but Diet Coke?
Words to live by:
Why do you think the only options in retirement are playing golf and/or traveling? Can you find no alternative to "work" to keep you interested in life and mentally alert? Have you no inner resources? No desire to do a bit of volunteer work or contribute in some way to the community in which you live? To read stuff you never had time for before? To do any number of things that work didn't allow for?