Photo courtesy of Tonya Leigh
Think of the last time you had to make a decision -- big or small -- where you felt any doubt about what your choice should be. What was your first reaction?
When many of us are presented with something new, it can trigger doubt and indecision or result in you making the "safe" choice or doing what you think you should do according to the status quo. This is completely normal, but what you need to know is that these are almost always fear-based decision processes.
Decisions made in fear only perpetuate this paralyzing emotion.
Not long ago, I had an incredible opportunity fall into my lap. I was asked to speak to the business students at the International University of Monaco on living with passion. Me? In Monaco? Sounded wonderful, but my first thought was, "I'm not ready for that."
Before I could even give myself a chance to consider sauntering around the principality of Monaco and having an incredible growth experience, my instinct was to say no, out of fear.
This way of behaving will never lead to an astonishing life.
These types of decisions can have many faces, but when the debilitating thoughts pop up, it's usually fear in a different dress. When I work with my clients, it seems like fear has so many ways of dressing up that it can be almost impossible to identify.
That's why I developed a simple trick to help me make decisions that will lead to a well-lived life.
When I'm unsure of what to do, I picture my wise 90-year-old self.
Fabulously dressed and full of the wisdom you can only get from having lived a rich life, my 90-year-old self is a grand dame who has lived a life filled to the brim with creativity, inspiration, and joie de vivre. This woman has french kissed life in every way possible, falling in love with the world around her and expanding beyond what she thought was possible. She is a modern icon.
For extra inspiration, I think of other women who have led envy-worthy lives, like Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn, and Iris Apfel. This type of woman doesn't let fear stop her. If fact, she saunters towards it.
Original, beautiful, and living a life that is completely my own -- that's how I envision myself at that age.
You see, the thing about a lady of a certain age is she says exactly what she thinks. Really, have you ever met a wishy-washy elderly lady? Rarely. She has opinions developed over a lifetime of learning what truly matters. She has the answers you're looking for, and she's not going to sugarcoat anything.
Who better to turn to when you need to know if you're making the right choice than the person with the wisdom you have inklings of already?
So when in doubt, I ask myself, "What would my 90-year-old self tell me to do?"
Should I stay or go?
Should I write the book?
Should I book the ticket to Paris?
Should I eat the cake?
If you need instant clarity, this question will work every time. However, the answer you get might scare you, but isn't that a good thing? Our 90-year-old selves knows that our most beautiful lives won't be easy or always feel good.
If we can't listen to the wisest version of ourselves, what or who can we listen to?
Life becomes so much more fun and interesting when your 90-year-old self is in charge. She sees fear for what it is -- a normal part of your life experience but not the part that should be in control all the time.
Next time you're faced with a decision, think about what choice would have your 90-year-old self lifting a glass of champagne and toasting, "Well done, darling."
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.