marriage tweets
"So rude of my wife to not tell me about the school’s gift exchange event for which we both got multiple emails."
"I’m sorry for what I said when my husband put all my bras in the dryer."
"My husband and I made a deal that whoever gets out of bed first makes the coffee. I’ve been in bed with my eyes closed for 2 months."
"The secret to marriage is finding someone whose chore preferences complement yours."
WHAT'S HAPPENING
"I wish my wife would be more like Jeff Bezos and step away from Amazon."
"Not to brag but my wife says I have an answer for everything."
"Sent my husband to the store and then turned off my phone because it’s time to teach independence."
"Never underestimate how many times your husband can do the exact same thing wrong."
"I told my wife the grocery store didn’t have something she asked me to get and, for the first time ever, she believed me."
"Sorry we're late, my husband had to drive around the parking lot 5 times till he found a spot he liked."