Tweets
"My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home."
"I was an only child to two hard working immigrant parents so, I called selfies 'pho-tos'"
"Just me making weird polite conversation with my husband in the backseat so our Uber driver doesn’t think we have a troubled marriage."
"My 7yo just told me I 'breathed in a fussy way' if you want to know how the snow day with everyone home is going."
WHAT'S HAPPENING
"Used my husband's body wash and forgot how to load the dishwasher."
"How ‘bout Amazon trucks that play music like ice cream trucks so my wife knows when to go running out to the curb."
"Yes, I know it’s cold but my kid won’t wear a coat. I am picking my battles. —a parenting memoir"
"My 8yo told me her New Year’s resolution is not to step on anthills if anyone needs a lesson in realistic goal-setting."
"'Wow now that I know it was you and not santa who was responsible for all those gifts over the years I’d like to take a moment to thank you and apologize for the misplaced gratitude.' - no kid ever"
"Nothing puts me in the spirit quite like a failed key change at a high school holiday concert."