How to Get the Perfect Summer Body

05/07/2015 02:30 pm ET | Updated May 07, 2016

I've spent a huge portion of my teen and adult life anxious about the way I will look come swimsuit season. Every year, right around the time the snow begins to thaw and the trees begin to flower, I start taking inventory of the damage a winter of eating Cheetos and watching Netflix under a blanket has done to my body.

However, after much self-reflection, I have finally come to the following conclusion: a great body is NOT about short cuts, starving yourself, or easy way outs.

It's about angles, and a series of complicated optical illusion designed to help you hide what you actually look like. After much intensive research, I recommend not allowing yourself to be seen this summer unless it's through a series of three small to medium-sized triangulated mirrors. This will have both an elongating and "hidening" effect on almost any body type.

To see how you can do this for yourself, see the below simple diagram I've created for your convenience:


So go forth this summer with confidence (and mirrors)! No need to thank me.