America Idolizes the Prom

Recession and swine flu outbreaks be damned: that most insipid of American traditions, The Prom, shall go on. In our city schools have closed, exams have been canceled yet not one prom even postponed. While they may be fun for some they encapsulate everything that is wrong with high school: inclusion and thus rejection; the pretty and popular are glorified while the rest stand on the sidelines trying to cover their humiliation with a stiff upper lift and phony smiles. If you've been popular you're going out in a blaze of fireworks, if like me you were unpopular you shuffle off with a whimper looking forward to a world without football captains and cheerleaders to validate and judge your worth.

I was trying to explain to my own daughter, whose prom plans are turning out to be less glorious than she had hoped, that it's one night and as of Friday she will be out in the world where the hideous rules of high school no longer apply. Who's in and who's out, who's popular and who's not will be replaced by what you're good at. And you will pick your friends and mates from the world at large and not from the motley crew you've been stuck with for ten years.

Grown-ups don't crow and clap at unhappiness in the same way teens do. We don't enhance our self-esteem by belittling others and basking in and often times causing their misfortune.

Then I read a piece about Susan Boyle and her apparent meltdown and it suddenly dawned on me we have turned into a society that sits night after night glued to the TV to find out who's going to the prom and who's not. Yet instead of gossiping the next day at recess we can now tweet, Facebook and blog, making the humiliation instantaneous and permanent.

Even the titles and slogans of the TV Shows are yanked straight from high school vernacular. "Worlds Biggest Loser," "The Bachelor: who will he pick, who will not get to go to the prom?" "My BFF," " are you cool enough to be my friend?" "America's Top Model" "just not thin or pretty enough to cut it." And what are the Real Houswives if not mean girls grown up, with big houses where they can backstab, judge and exclude while America cheers them on and gives them book deals to boot.

And the grand pooh-ba of all high school TV -- "American Idol." There sits Simon Cowell, the cad we all handed our self-esteem to despite the fact we knew we would never measure up and he would smash our dreams. And Paula the eternal cheerleader who was nice because she could afford to be, but made you feel like you were never quite enough.

These are America's idols and the sad part is we don't tune in to see who wins as much to see who will eat a dozen donuts and get sent home the real loser. Who will do something awkward, lame or just plain human and get tossed off whatever island they happen to be on. Night after night we tune in to experience public humiliation in every situation imaginable and relive high school at its very worst.

The other day I found a DVD of That Girl, my favorite show as a kid. I excitedly called in my nine year old who after ten minutes said, "nothings happening." "What do you mean? Donald loves Ann and Ann loves Donald and she's buying him a desk and they're eating spaghetti, it's adorable," I responded. My American Idolholic returned to her TV where real things happen to real to real people and boy is it cool. Yet I sat thrilled 40 years later to watch Anne Marie get her ring despite the fact she even hadn't slept with Donald. I realized it was too simple and benign a show to capture Lucy's attention. No one was being rejected or humiliated, Ann wasn't pretending to be a star part of the time thus lying to her friends. There wasn't a mean girl in sight.

Which brings me back to Susan Boyle: Aside from her mind boggling talent she was the poster child for every girl who has stood on the sidelines quietly waiting to be noticed. Someday, someone would see past the frumpy clothes and lumpy body, some day she would be out of high school. She was 47, had never even hooked up and was finally on her way to the prom. And the way Simon looked at her the first time she sang one actually thought fairy tales come true and he would ask her. The captain of the football team was ready to move on, grow up and look beneath the surface.

And I believe in another time when we were entertained by kinder gentler things he might have. But in the new big wide world of never ending high school the rules are the rules; so the younger, hipper, cuter dancing group Diversity won. And the girl most people were rooting for stood on the sideline yet again, well rehearsed stiff-upper-lip in place. Of course she would melt down; who wouldn't? She probably stayed in her house with her cat all these decades because of high school and here she was right back in the thick of it.

But instead of calling her up the next day and being her BFF we talk about how she's loony and unstable. We gossip about her rejection and justify her misfortune saying she was crazy all along Let's face it: if we picked our stars based on their emotional stability our entertainment skies would be pretty darned dark.

Just like in high school, her pain became many people's entertainment.

Shame on us.

Have fun at the prom.

Comments

[Trueheart]

How does our fondness tradition of the promenade ("prom") relate to what happened to Susan Boyle? I really didn't get your point, or maybe it just spark any synapses.
You lost me when you started talking about That Girl.

I agree with you on one thing: If emotional stability were a prerequisite for becoming a performing artist, we would have much creative talent to entertain us. "Artistic temperament" it is called.

[BluestateGuyInTX]

Because the prom and American Idol are both spawned by the same American desire to create a social hierarchy with winners and losers in everything we do. Truth be told it is a mindset that contributes to a lot of our woes in this country.

[Trueheart]

The high school "promenade" where seniors duded up and showed off their grown up manners has been bastardized over the years so that now it is just a crass event, rather than a rite of passage.

America has always loved talent shows from way back. American Idol is a reflection of the influence that MTV has had on young people insofar as image and taste is concerned.

In my opinion, the mindset that contributes to a lot of our woes is that ability, talent and sucess are rewarded by money, and that plastic beauty is desirable. We got no more soul. That's the problem.

[Tracy Farr]

Grown-ups DO crow and clap at unhappiness. We DO belittle others and bask in their misfortune. We're just more discreet about it. So which is better -- a smiling face that conceals a hidden knife? Or the full frontal assult where everybody knows where they stand? I'll take confrontation over whispers any day.

[Tracey Jackson]

Kids whisper plenty - they just aren't as good at it!

[BluestateGuyInTX]

The difference is that when you mature you don't care what the whisperers say. Les chiens aboient, la caravane passe. Most teenagers don't have the perspective to realize how all that whispering is just background noise like a dog barking in the night: annoying but hardly threatening.

[Tracey Jackson]

So true.....

[liviapeacock]

Spot on observations but I have to disagree about Prom. Any teenager with self respect and friends can have fun at prom, not just the popular kids.

In my 1980's high school we all had our own groups where we belonged and we all went to prom as a group (yes, paired up, but within our own group) and we sat together, danced all night and laughed at the sappy music and hilarious prom queens, who, chosen by the cover band and NOT the student body, were mostly the girls who were dressed like prostitutes. We stayed up all night, dancing on the beach to Peter Gabriel tapes with our battery operated boom boxes.

Prom was GREAT, don't be such a sour puss.

[Tracey Jackson]

I'm not a sour puss at all - in fact I make my living as a comedy writer. But I fear you do miss my point,. The prom itself is fine, albeit it is a far better experience for popular kids and if you are not one it can be hell. And you in fact admit this yourself as you say it can be fun with "friends"
If you are unpopular chances are you don't have many of those.
But it is a right of passage and should be left behind as life moves to it's next stage. And if it isn't a great night your life is far from over.

What I was really trying to say and lxc gets is our entertainment and thus hunks of our culture have turned into high school and is in fact directed at high schoolers. And we are behaving as if we are still going to the prom.
As adults we should have gotten beyond it. Movies and TV used to be directed at different demographics - it has morphed into one and we have somehow allowed it to happen. And sadly
we seem to be relishing it.

[JaneaneTheAcerbicGoblin]

I remember being devastated that I didn't go to my senior prom. I was so angry and depressed.

As luck would have it, I went 2 years later with someone 2 years my junior. It was the most overrated, overpriced, boringest (is that a word), dullest experience ever. It's a social thing to show off who's parents have the most cash.

And, to expand on your point, we do like seeing people humilated, especially those with no cash. We do like belittling others.

[seachild]

i didn't go to my prom either...still don't regret it...25 years later!...big deal

[canyoncatz]

Well said Ms Jackson but people will always be facinated with other peoples meltdowns... it's a little bit of "there but for the grace of God go I" and "there for the grace of God I dont go" . We use it both ways . As conciousness evolves, we will see that the human condition is better than this.
Until then, I just want to know when we graduate.

[dennis181]

I couldn't agree more with Ms. Jackson's blog. Has the whole nation turned into one gigantic high school, with faves and freaks, the idealized and the dumped-on? We watch from the bleachers as Susan Boyle, Jon and Kate, and other instant celebrities get quickly lauded and then just as quickly trashed.

After all, we've all heard the expression that adult life is just "high school with credit cards." (Here in Los Angeles, home of the entertainment industry, I like to think of Hollywood as "high school with agents." But you get the idea.) The point is, given the huge issues facing the nation, as well as the difficult everyday issues facing every American family, isn't there a better way to spend our time than demonizing the frequently­-bewildere­d souls whose need for validation is so severe that they subject themselves to being gawked at on reality shows?

Anyway, great post. Keep 'em coming.