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The Mother of all Momagers

06/05/2015 02:43 pm ET | Updated Jun 05, 2016
Charles Sykes/Invision/AP

Unless you live under a rock, or actually have a life, you might have missed the news the Kris Jenner is in the process of trying to get a trademark for the word "Momager."

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I guess since she is a mom AND she is the manager of all her kids, it kind of makes sense that she would want ownership of the combination of the two. I am also a mom, and I also do other things besides being a mom, so I wondered if I should jump on the trademark bandwagon, as well. Since I am the primary housekeeper in my home, I pondered the idea of trademarking the name "Momkeeper." But that makes me sound like I keep a collection of moms in my house which would probably either get me arrested or make me the most popular drop off playdate location in the neighborhood. I also am the one who cleans up after the dog, so I thought "Momipoo" would be good for me, too. But then I thought it sounded too much like one of those designer hypoallergenic dogs like a cockipoo, which is a combination of a cocker spaniel and a poodle, but, to me, sounds more like a combination of a particular male part of a body and a poodle. So, if I'm going to be the Momipoo, my husband would have to be the "Cockipoo," and I just don't think he'd go for that.

I get that Kris wants to make a statement by combining her two primary jobs, but doesn't calling herself a Momager take away from all the other important jobs she does?

Why not trademark "Momeality" for being a Mom AND being famous for being a reality TV star? Oh wait, I think Honey Boo Boo's mother registered that name already.
However, I think she should trademark "Momous," for being a mom and being famous just for being famous.

If I were to combine my two jobs -- mom and columnist -- I would be a "Molumnist." But that is such a strange job title that I'm pretty sure no one would ever hire me again, because they would have no idea what I actually do. The other problem is they might put a hard accent on the "O" and think that I am a specialist in mole removal (I'm thinking the rodent ones, not the facial ones). Since I have less desire to remove moles than I do to pick up dog poo, I'm going to have to reject all these combinations and simply go with mom writer -- which is not trademarkable, but is infinitely more accurate.

But enough about me. I can certainly understand Kris' need to have a title of power that reflects the hugely impressive job she does in both raising her daughters and managing their careers. How many woman can say they have built an empire on the public's fascination with a family that does, well, nothing (hats off to Kendall for actually having a career, of course). In fact, I think she has undervalued herself with the name "Momager" and she needs to shoot higher. If I were Kris, I would definitely try to trademark something more impressive. "Momasuarus Rex" certainly implies power, as does "The Mominator." Since she is now the head of the family, she could go with "Head Momcho." Or she can proclaim herself the mother of all mothers and go with "Mom Almighty." If she were a Lord of the Rings fan, she might like to go with "One Mom To Rule Them All." Or if she was more of a Star Wars girl, "The Galactic Mompire,"might be more fitting, Since the Queen Mother is already taken, she might like to look for other world leaders for inspiration. I'm pretty sure the "Dalai Mama" would still be up for grabs. However, if I were her, I'd stay away from the "Mope."

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Sounds too much like Nope, which is what most people think about this whole Momager thing.

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