Here Comes Santa Claus

Social Circle, Georgia. I don't remember how my parents did it but for the past few years my ex and I would scrupulously use a different wrapping paper for the few gifts coming from the North Pole instead of from Walmart. Then, after the kids went to bed, I would eat most but not all of the milk and cookies they laid out and move the fireplace screen askew.

Ava stopped believing last year when she was nine. Her mother, my ex, was wrapping our then six-year-old son Chet's presents with her when Ava added a note for him saying, "Be nicer to your big sister, Santa." I was horrified, sure he'd smell a rat. I mean he's growing up in New York City, he's supposed to have some street smarts already. Instead he excitedly waved around his personal note from St. Nick himself.

This year Ava told him flat out that there is no such thing as Santa Claus. I held my breath but he just told her that she was wrong; that he'd seen a red light out his window last Christmas Eve that could only have been Rudolph's nose.

He then turned to me.

"Daddy, do you believe in Santa Claus?"

There was a very nice article by Nathalie Angier in the New York Times the other day on higher primates and how we lie. It also reported that we humans are no better at spotting a lie than flipping a coin to decide. So I could have lied to my son and made him believe it for now, but I have my eye on the long term. I'd rather hurt his feelings about Santa Claus but tell him the truth now because I want him to trust me later and tell me when the other kids in school are trying to ply him with crystal meth.

Then I looked into his big brown eyes and took the daddy way out.

I lied a little.

"I'm not sure. Some people say they've seen him. I never have."

Ava huffed angrily and rolled her eyes at me.

She's one to talk. She still believes in the tooth fairy. Or at least she doens't return the dollar that I leave under her pillow.

Read more Holiday Season commentary from HuffPost bloggers

Comments

[SusanStoHelit]

Ever read the Hogfather? It's got an interesting perspective. We teach children to believe in the little lies like Santa, so they can believe in the big lies that make us human when they grow up. The big lies like honor, justice, mercy, compassion, etc.

This summary doesn't do the book (a very good tale, humerous, written with Pratchett's typical mix of cynicism and hope) justice - but it's the best justification for myths like Santa that I can see.

[Riani]

Having read most of the posts here, I realise that part of the problem is an American one - US America, that is, although I guess it is spreading to other countries, too. Santa is not the chubby guy in red in front of a shop dingling a bell to lure shoppers in, or even the deliverer of state of the art toys.
Santa is about a spirit of giving and sharing, and based on a real person, Saint Nicholas, who was known for his great faith and his charity and generosity. And yes, today he also makes sure that children get Christmas presents, but I have found that, in our house at least, it is usually something small, and preferably crafty, rather than just shiny tech.

[cylindar]

I was so bummed out as a child when the tooth fairy stopped leaving money under my pillow. It still bothers me today!

[AgathaX]

When young, I loved Santa as much as all the other fairy tales--and better than many (especially the scary ones). And believed in him every bit as much. Time to give the kids a little credit. Santa is a gateway through which poetry enters life.

[larry278]

An informal, non-scientific reading of these comments tells me that saying that Santa exists & brings toys at Xmas is a bad thing, magic or no magic. Take it or leave it. The Santa tradition isn't popular among those who comment on HP. It could be that those who hold traditional, sentemental views don't use or comment on HP. So be it. Belief in magic isn't having a good century. The 20th century wasn't good for magic either. Since the ice around the North Pole is melting, Santa won't have the mythical site for his workshop. It looks like the myth of Santa will die or must be changed.

[ReHoover51]

isnt teaching damnation a lie and then a form of child abuse when it is "taught" to innocent children???
there is no proof of heaven or hell ... preachers are taking $$$ for out-right fraud when promising all that non-sense ...

[pm247]

Santa is the gateway lie. It conditions children to accept lying and hypocrisy as the way of life. Give them love, not lies.

[ReHoover51]

when i was nine my parakeet died ... in the cage the next morning was plastic brontosaurus (the original ones from the 50s) ... i just looked at it and knew my parents were friggin weird to do that but we never discussed it
i also didnt believe the fairy tals in sunday school (not even on thursday nite school) and was eventually asked not to come back cuz i was ruining the "training"

[VoodooDoll]

I remember when I was in the first grade,the teacher sent home a note asking my parents to tell me to stop telling the other children there was no Santa.Now,I don't remember my parents saying there was no Santa,I just thought it was ridiculous to think there were animals flying around with a big fat guy,squeezing down a chimney,when no one in my town even had one.I thought everything to do with Santa,the Easter Bunny and such was pretty darn silly,and if my parents had said they existed I would have thought they were crazy.My mother said I was a very peculiar child-------

[ReHoover51]

the real test here is:
do u believe in the lies of the church???
hey, its funny we are discussing lying to the children
isnt damnation a lie and then a form of child abuse when it is "taught" to innocent children???

[NAOMA]

When my daughter was 3 she said to my husband and me: "Mothers and Dads are Santa,
aren't they?" I said "yes." She accepted that and it was over. I think the Santa Myth is
a load of garbage anyhow and glad she figured it out for herself. I have always believed
in telling the truth to children. Same story with sex: At 3 she knew all about parts of
the body and having babies. BUT, she was told not to relay this information to her
friends, whose parents may not believe in truth. One day she was on the porch talking
to a little friend who told her: "My Mommy has a baby in her tummy." She came storming
into the house and told me: "SHE KNOWS NOTHING OF THE WOMB!"

[ladyv]

If a kid is asking if Santa is real - and that's what he's doing by asking if Dad believes in him, exploring the question of whether or not Santa is real - the kid is old enough to know there's no Santa. You shouldn't have to *lie* to a kid about it. Questioning means they're close to being done with the concept.

[RedDogBear]

I agree with that but I would go one step further. Why do we think it EVER makes sense to lie, no matter how old the kid is? To me its a holdover from an obsolete way of thinking about kids that was all about controlling them not helping them realize their potential.

[ladyv]

I don't think that Santa stories are *lies*, though. We have a 2 1/2 year old. She sees the Christmas specials on TV and it's no different than seeing Dora the Explorer on TV. We don't "lie" and tell her Dora is real, but in her imagination she is, and so is Santa. We read books to her and she thinks those things really happened. If she ever said "Is Dora real?" we would say no, she isn't, she's a character on a tv show. She has an imaginary friend named Elvy that lives in her left hand. We haven't interfered there, either. =)

[seattlesun]

I remember when I learned Santa wasn't real and how upset I was to have been lied to all those years. I wondered what else wasn't real. When I raised my three children, I always told them Santa was make-believe, and they always knew I would tell them the truth. I don't think it's healthy to lie about anything, especially to little children. But it is fun to play and create fun. Why not just tell them it's make-believe, children really understand that.

[JohnFromCensornati]

"Why not just tell them it's make-believe, children really understand that."

So, then who's the scapegoat when there's no Tickle Me Elmo under the tree?

[RedDogBear]

exactly

[Kremfresch]

Do all you Truth Tellers out there make your poor children watch the news every night as well, so they know how bad things in the world really are?
When they ask you if everything will be allright, do you tell them, "Well son, I just don't know, maybe not, maybe this plane will crash and we'll all die a horrible death!"
To take the joy and delight of Santa away from children is simply mean spirited bad parenting, no matter what justification you convince yourself with.
The easy, non lying answer to wether or not Santa is real is "Do you believe he is real?"
If ythe answer is yes, you say... "That's the important thing"
Do you also tell your children that their imaginary playmates don't exsist?
Let your children be children, you joyless, driven, imagination-a-phobes.
You can teach them about crack dealers later.

[RedDogBear]

My daughter is a teen now but she survived just fine without Santa. She has an amazing imagination and we still watch and love movies like Narnia and The Golden Compass together. I have to tell enough lies and half truths in my business life one of my resolutions, which I've pretty much stuck to, was never to lie to her. As a result I think she trusts me and will still come to me when she needs to talk. She knows that if she asks me a question I don't know the answer to, I have the courage to just admit it and that makes her trust me even more. By the way I'm not judging anyone who feels different, I can understand that point of view as well, just don't happen to agree. The way I see it is there is SO MUCH wonder and amazement IN THE REAL WORLD that I don't see the justification or usefullness of lying. Merry Christmas.

[JohnFromCensornati]

I don't have any kids, but if I did, I wouldn't lie to them about Santa. I would encourage them to use their imaginations to imagine whatever actually occurs to them rather than perpetuate the myth that drives the out-of-control consumerism.

[JohnFromCensornati]

I wonder what all the Santa liars will tell their kids after pollution has finished melting the North Pole.
Santa bought a house boat?
Santa has 12 harbor seals to pull his watersled?

[kudzumaster]

I would never lie to my children--which is why I encourage them to believe in Santa Claus. Santa is real, as long as there are people in the world who are willing to give to others for the sheer joy of seeing the happiness their gift brings, with no credit to themselves. And no, I don't worry about my children losing faith in me because of this encouragement. After all, I also believe. ;)

[stagebandman]

Amen, brother, amen.

[RedDogBear]

I've never understood the idea that lying to kids was a good thing. Most people justify it by saying how important it is to give kids a sense of wonder but there is plenty of wonder in the real world.

[Retrofuturistic]

Lying to kids about Santa Claus conditions them to believe in magical thinking, which conditions them to believe in religion, which means their sex lives will be controlled and the government can use said religion to justify war and whatever else it wants to do (without any complaints from the populace).

[RedDogBear]

I agree. I stopped believing in Santa at a pretty young age but I didn't let on because I still wanted to get the presents. Then a few years later I had the same realization about God "its like Santa, just a story people tell to get you to behave but no one really believes in it"

[stagebandman]

Gee, I am a Christian and have never let the government tell me who or what to love, or have sex with. And as a person of faith, I have been deeply disappointed with the way many "open minded, liberal thinking" people have labeled all Christians into this big lump of goo that should be spat upon and kicked. The basis of my spirituality is love and acceptance, just as Jesus taught. All the rest is foll-de-roll and has been usurped by unscrupulous right-wingers to get votes. And that also upsets me. I hate the direction our county has gone the last 8 years. Bush is no man of God, and I wish he would stop saying he is. But I digress. Let's not confuse Santa Claus with Christ, and let's also not forget that without Christ, you would not be buying those presents for your children, so lay off the extremist behavior. You're just feeding into Billo's hands.

[JohnFromCensornati]

I agree with Retrofuturistic, but even many non-religious people do it. I think a little bit of the herd mentality is involved. They don't want their kids to be the ones that upset the neighbor's kids. I have a Jewish friend who told her kids that Santa is not real, but she trained her kids to lie to the christian kids! lol.