Text and photo by Bruce Handy, Vanity Fair
Elmos in Times Square.
The recent accusations of sexual abuse against Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash have been tragic for all concerned, especially the alleged teenage victims. But I would be remiss in my obligations as a cultural critic if I didn't take this opportunity to reflect on Elmo himself, who, when it comes to beloved fixtures in children's entertainment, is exceeded in his execrableness only by Woody Woodpecker.
Here are five reasons I hate Elmo. You may well have your own.
- Elmo is a classic example of the phenomenon by which, thanks to the alchemy of creative laziness and enhanced merchandising opportunities, the cutest, most cuddly, least deserving character(s) in a comic ensemble will inevitably come to dominate it. Think of how, in Peanuts' final decades, Snoopy and Woodstock elbowed aside the more emotionally complex but less overtly adorable Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy, Schroeder, Frieda, and Pig Pen. Jim and Pam serve much the same purpose on The Office. While Elmo only became a significant character in the mid-1980s, 15 or so years into Sesame Street's run, he is now the show's undisputed star, diverting attention and airtime from former A-listers Ernie and Bert, Grover, and Oscar. Their dramatically compelling psychological quirks and comparative urbanity are nothing next to the toddler-porn of Elmo's closer-set eyes, rounder face, gee-whiz personality, and baby-ish syntax. This process accelerated in 1998, when Elmo began hogging an entire quarter of Sesame Street's hour running time, first with the regular "Elmo's World" segment, then with the new "Elmo: The Musical." And this from a show that ostensibly counts instruction in "sharing" as part of its educational mission. Even Big Bird, whose very name once reflected his centrality on the show, has suffered under Elmo's reign and now appears to be only a hollow, perpetually molting shell of his former self.
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