By Chris Rovzar, Vanity Fair
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds; WWD/Steve Eichner; Fairchild Archive
Big news from this weekend: non-threatening fembot Blake Lively and animated Captain Planet action figure Ryan Reynolds have tied the knot!
Take a moment to process that. Did you even know they were actually dating? Not merely tabloid dating? Wasn't she just in a relationship with Leonardo DiCaprio? Wasn't Ryan really supposed to end up with Sandra Bullock? Should two such physically perfect human specimens even be allowed to find each other? So many questions!
Luckily, the tabloid press is on the case. Here are the queries to which we've been provided answers so far:
Where did it happen? Boone Hall Plantation in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, near Charleston.
What do we know about the ceremony? There was a white tent, and it took place on Sunday night. There was a D.J. and live music and a cake driven down from Virginia.
How many people attended? About 60.
What unlikely fellow celebrities appeared as guests? Bette Midler was spotted in town that week, and Florence Welch of Florence and the Machine (a close friend of Blake's who has performed on her show Gossip Girl) reportedly performed three songs.
Wait, what? That's it? That's all the information we have for now. The lack of detail is almost maddening--there's so much more to know! For example:
Who designed Blake's dress?
Did she wear white?
When did they get engaged?
What did Ryan's mom think about all this?
Is there no engagement ring?
Blake deserves an engagement ring, don't you think? Like, one with a big yellow diamond
Were there bridesmaids?
What flavor was the cake?
Was there a flower girl? Was it Blake's teacup Maltapoo, Penny? Because wouldn't that be the cutest thing?
How was the food?
Do you think Scarlett Johansson was like, 'Whatever, at least people watched my superhero movie'?
Was there a Venetian hour?
Oh my God, what is Dan Humphrey going to do now?
Where are they going on their honeymoon?
Wait, Florence Welch is friends with Blake Lively?!
What color were the flowers?
Do you think Alanis Morissette was hoping it would "raaaa-yyy-uuu-aaaaiiin" on their wedding day?
Who did the centerpieces?
What else do you want to know about the big event? Let us know in the comments.
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