By Julie Miller, Vanity Fair
Devastating news for anyone who spent the past few months tracking Taylor Swift's romance with Conor Kennedy (even going as far as writing fan fiction about the singer's odd relationship with Conor's grandmother Ethel Kennedy): Taylor and Conor have allegedly broken up. The heart-wrenching report arrives via Us Weekly, to which "a close friend" of Swift's relayed that the couple had "quietly parted ways a while ago." Casually, the friend adds, "It was just a distance thing. No hard feelings. They're fine." Easy to say for someone who did not buy a $4.9 million house in Hyannis Port, learn how to drag, and crash a wedding just to be closer to her boyfriend's family. Regardless of whether or not the story is true, it conspicuously comes at a momentous time for Swift--for those who have not been paying attention, Swift's latest album, Red, was released this week--and absolutely raises some urgent questions among TayCon enthusiasts. To wit:
Would someone please check on Ethel?! How is she doing? Who broke the news to her? (Probably Taylor, she seems considerate like that.)
Did the breakup have anything to do with the rumor that Swift dated Conor's cousin Patrick Schwarzenegger? Or the fact that Taylor probably did not want to spend much time in her 18-year-old boyfriend's dorm room?
Will Taylor ever drag again?
What will Taylor write in her future breakup song about Conor?
Did this have anything to do with our imaginary account of an afternoon with Taylor and Ethel? That was completely fictional--as far as we know, the pair never spent hours making vision boards and ignoring cell-phone calls from Conor.
Will Taylor keep her home in Hyannis Port? (Has someone in the family confronted her about the misspelled "Hyiannis Port" liner notes yet?) Will she transition out of the unusually retro clothing style she adopted during her courtship with Conor?
How long will it be before another young woman follows Taylor's foolproof Kennedy-infiltration model? And should we place bets?
What are the chances that Taylor and Conor get back together for the sake of their happiness and, most important, the happiness of Ethel?
Please contribute your own pressing concerns in the space below.