Let's talk make-up. As far as I'm concerned (which, really, is all that matters), less is the new more. (And no, I've haven't quite managed to make myself sick of the whole "is the new" thing, so you'll just have to bear with me.)
But unlike some of my more, well, frivolous posts, I actually have some (read: one) concrete-ish examples.
Whether or not you care, you probably noticed that the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition came out last week.
(Personally, I know this for two reasons: Firstly, because my boyfriend, of course, has a subscription, and secondly, because the expression of sheer joy that he had when he came home to find Marisa Miller resting seductively on his bedside table, resembled nothing so much as some sort of embarrassingly late / bizarrely early Christmas celebration, complete with wint'ry mix outside and all.)
The SI Swimsuit Edition is like the Holy Grail of men's magazines: little to no articles, and pages upon pages of absurdly beautiful women in little to no clothing. (Actually, that sounds more like the average issue of Cosmo, but I digress.)
(And on that note, I'd also like to give SI credit where credit is due: the women are stunning, and if I may, I'd like to assert that their photos are actually more natural-looking than the average RedBook cover. Zing!)
That said, Marisa, Marisa, Marisa. What have they done to you? Though her hip to waist to bust ratio has always had me questioning the naturalness of some of her, um, assets, if you will, I've also always thought she had the most naturally pretty face out there. And then I saw this year's spread.. Don't get me wrong, she looks beautiful, but if I may take a moment to be hypercritical: she looks old. And the point is that I would bet my bottom (read: only) dollar that if we could cotton-swab some of that eyeliner off, the end product would be younger, softer, and dare I say, prettier.
And that goes for everyone. Including Lindsay Lohan, whose Marilyn Monroe photo shoot with New York Magazine leaves little (uh, nothing), to the imagination and added 10 years to the poor girl's life. Seriously, ladies, easy on the eyeliner!
And I know that we all have our limits. I, for one, cannot leave the house without mascara or blush. I've got flimsy mousy-colored lashes, and while tans may be tacky, my paleness always needs that little added flush. But all I'm asking is that we just lighten up.
Pick your products, and use them wisely. Some rules:
A few soft coats of mascara and a light concealer are all you need. I'll allow blush, because we all love a little color, but I categorically oppose foundation. Trust me. And if you're desperate for coverage, try a tinted-moisturizer. Stay far, far away from the powders. They don't work on anyone.
My final rule? Lipstick is always in, provided you use it right. If you're going to wear it, go all out; there's nothing I love more than a bright, splashy color on a refreshingly neutral face. It's a HuffPost favorite fashion trick: Lipstick as an accessory.
I know some of you will be hard to sway. I see you. I know. You're sitting at your computer, glaring at the screen, and muttering curses under your breath about how I'll have to pry your eyeliner from your cold, dead fingers. Fine. If you want to look like everyone's drunken four-eyelashed grandmother, then go for it, but rest assured, I'll be there at your heavily eye-lined funeral, taking a q-tip to your eyelids, and whispering, "I told you so."*
And lastly, if you won't lighten up for me, lighten up for your wallets. Make-up is expensive, and well, haven't you heard? There's a recession going on: Less really is the new more!
*Author's Note: In no way did I mean to imply that there is a direct correlation between eyeliner and death. I'm just being dramatic. It's called poetic license. I think.