Step II Of My Spiritual Journey: In Which I Am Honest

I've already told you that I'm not spiritual, which I think is important, particularly because it manages your expectations. I couldn't very well start a spiritual journey already somewhat spiritual. That would be a very short journey. By starting this spiritual journey at the bottom, I'm giving myself nowhere to go but up. Which is a good thing.

I like Sister Wendy, and I feel unbelievably thankful that I had the chance to actually speak to her, and I have a sneaking suspicion that my thankfulness will only intensify as I get older / wiser / more spiritual. That said, I have a confession to make. I haven't been praying. I'm sorry.

But that's not all. I woke up this morning, and it occurred to me that I hadn't really done one consciously spiritual thing all week. Not really a good start.

So, what is an easy way to be spiritual?

Well, for a hot second, I almost went along with my own hare-brained scheme of not telling a single lie for a week straight, and then I realized that I would get fired and/or have no friends. Not exactly a spiritual sacrifice I was willing to make.

But, being honest made me think of Johnmcd72, and the fact that all he asked of me was that I be honest with all of you. And that seemed fair. If I couldn't be honest with my co-workers ("Good Morning! How are you?" "Terrible. I hate today."), or my boss ("Do you mind staying late?" "Yes."), or my friends ("Did you like my new boyfriend?" "No."), I could, at the very least, be honest to you.

When I was first asked to write this column, I thought that perhaps the HuffPo gods had confused me with someone else. Maybe my sister. This is much more her type of thing. Yoga. Silent meditation retreats. Weird cleanse-y fasts. All good things, but all not my things. And then I realized, if this were my type of thing, it would be a relatively boring column. The fun seems to be found in the newness of the experience, and in my sincere reaction. And this is where we come back to being honest.

Thanks for calling me out, Johnmcd72. I think I can safely admit that, subconsciously or not, I had no intention of being honest. I had every intention of being cynical (still likely), sarcastic (no avoiding that), and relatively superficial (I'll do my best...). My honest (in keeping with the theme) assumption was that this spiritual journey was going to take me nowhere, so I was perfectly content to have to make it up. (My forte is fiction).

And here is where I've already proven myself wrong, because it seems I've already gotten somewhere; I now have no intention of making anything up. If all someone was asking of me was honesty, I couldn't very well lie my way through a spiritual journey, could I?

Let me tell you one thing: There is nothing more difficult for me than to write something personal in a public forum.

But there it is. My first (baby) step in this journey: I'm being honest with you about the fact that I was not going to be honest at all.

And really, now that I've successfully managed your expectations, I don't even have to get very far to have this journey considered a success! (Just kidding.) (Sort of.)

Comments

[mouselion]

I feel certain that simply being 'cynical' or 'sarcastic' or 'relatively superficial' is not dishonest. Unless, of course, you were actually insincere about being those things to begin with. Then to feign cynicism, sarcasm or 'relative' superficiality would be, of course, dishonest.

(So, I'm not so sure you got anywhere on that one.)

[gandydancer]

Well....I will be honest too. You sound like a piece of fluff to me. But what great posts! I really enjoyed them and feel they offer excellent thoughts and feelings. Most people seem to be saying that self honesty and living in the present is the path to "spirituality". I agree. Good luck Verena and stay honest!

[Vajara]

I don't think praying has anything to do with being spiritual. In fact, it just may be the opposite. Many religious people pray all the time--eg. our ego maniacle president and probably, the VP as well. They are not spiritual or we wouldn't be in this war and in conflict with others around the world. They aren't spiritual or we would be attending to mother earth and would be paying attention to our science that guides our actions.

Someone once said that when we are praying we are asking for something. When we are meditating we are listening and conscious of ourselves, our environment and our interactions. Hmm, maybe this is what I think.

Anyway, it's good that you are being truthful, and you can be honest, open, respectful and loving without prayer--this is how I view being spiritual.

[wadenelson1]

One of the most fun things I ever did was learn to snowboard -- at age 45.

I decided right off the bat I would become an expert soon enough, and I was going to enjoy every minute of being a beginner.

I wasn't going to take on intermediate trails until I was the king of the bunny slope.

I wasn't going to continually berate myself for my uncoordinated efforts and face plants.

And you know, I had a LOT of fun being a beginner.

I miss those days a little bit even when I'm carving 2" trenches in the snow laying out wicked 'esses' and showing off for everyone on the lift above.

[Dunnage]

You'll never get lost managing the expectations of others.

[besomeoneyoulove]

I am really loving this quest of yours. I too think its important (and good) that you're starting at rock bottom, and as my yoga teacher always says, its not about achieving your goals exactly right, its about trying. So I think this whole process really is the goal, not necessarily meeting some vague definition of what it means to be spiritual.

On another note, you should try reading a poem or two from Hafiz (I recommend the book "The Gift"). He was a Persian mystic and he talks about God/the universe/whatever you want to call it in this really beautiful, real way. The poems are short and witty and wonderful. To me, its too hard to connect to some kind of creepy, distant, overpowering creator, and its easier to connect to something I feel like I already know. I think that makes no sense. Anyways, if you're in a book store anytime soon, try a poem or two and see if its something that might interest you. I find its easier to relate spiritually to fulfillment or happiness than it is to something more rigid like godliness, so Hafiz's philosophy really works for me.

Anyways, good luck!

[hartkid]

I'm with you, Verena. I don't stop often to ponder spirituality. I think that I have come to the conclusion at this stage in my life that each moment of thoughtful living (being in the moment with what you are doing) is an expression of one's spirit. Maybe we're connected to something bigger than ourselves - maybe through meditation on that idea we can convince ourselves that we are - maybe incantations and rituals and mental "thank you" notes connect us to that bigger thing... an maybe not. I simply don't care. It's a question I will never have the answer to and I can see around me how easy it is for a person to simply choose some spiritual path and believe it to be correct (for lack of better term). I choose to just try to be present. If the universe calls upon me, I hopefully will hear it, raise my hand and say "here", but until then who cares?

[bethinCary]

Seinfeld made quite a career of "boringness".

[bethinCary]

I think you may be setting yourself up for failure by defining spirituality as praying or whatever other notion has been impressed over time about what it is. I would advise throwing out any preconcieved notions, beliefs you hold onto-and let go.
You are already laying a guilt trip on yourself about NOT doing it (praying) because of your own bias. I don't pray that often either by the conventional norms. What I do, though, is say thanks-throughout my day to the universe-sometimes even for bad things. Things, I think, may be opening my eyes to my own flaws. I also try to get out,just to get some sun on my face-or get outside to commune with the natural world. I like to look at the sky at night-to make myself aware of a connectedness to something bigger than myself-which I may not understand.
I don't try to think-I just let thoughts come to me, and I do this alone.
Not an expert-just trying to help.

[acty]

keep going verena.....i do have to make a comment though that spirituality is not necessesarily(SP?) about meditating or cleansing or retreats. It can, be but I find that a lot of people do those things and call thenselves spiritual but dont actually apply spirituality to everyday life.
For me spirituality is about knowing that I am not running the show here on earth. That there is something greater than all of us out there. It is seeing the beauty in life and people everyday and having the faith that I am here for a purpose and that no matter what happens I am not alone but being carried along the by (the god of my understanding) through life. Oh and a little tip re praying. It can just be waking up everymorning and saying THANK-YOU. Keep up the good work your are very talented!

[JimReed]

"When I was first asked to write this column, I thought that perhaps the HuffPo gods had confused me with someone else."

Those gods understand writers who are already far along in their spiritual journeys don't do very well in this section of huffingtonpost. We won't allow it. Say something dishonest and you will find out.

[WorkingClass]

So far so good.