03/28/2008 02:48 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Step III Of My Spiritual Journey: In Which I Take A Religion Quiz

It's official. I've found the most genius thing ever. And let me preface its introduction by saying that I am the queen of procrastination, and I am most definitely always looking for the easy way out. So, now that that's said: there's a Belief-O-Matic Quiz (no joke) on that will tell you "what religion you...ought to consider practicing." Thanks, Beliefnet! You're right up my alley!

Oh, and here is where I preemptively respond to commenter criticism. Yes, I know it's superficial to take a quiz to determine my religion. No, I don't actually think I'm going to get anywhere spiritually using this method. And maybe I did just because it was FUN. Actually, that's my argument: I'm on a spiritual journey. And yeah, spirituality is all honesty/sincerity/finding God/soulfulness, but that doesn't mean it can't be fun and/or funny. And since I was very honest, very sincere, and almost a little too earnest for my own good last week, I felt morally obligated to mix it up a little bit this week. And also, quizzes are fun. Particularly if you're a 12-year-old girl (which I am not), or just feel like re-living your identity-less and desperate prepubescent years (which I do). So, there.

Back to the quiz. It's 20 questions, multiple choice (varying from 3 to 6 choices), and you also rate the importance of the particular issue at question, relative to your beliefs. For example:

Question 2.*

Are there human incarnation(s) of God (or of gods/goddesses)?

1. God is (or gods/goddesses are) supreme, and no incarnations.
2. One incarnation
3. Many (or countless) incarnations
4. No particular incarnations because God is all and all are God (or God is in all).
5. No incarnations as there is no God. Or not sure. Or not important.
6. None of the above

What priority do you place on this selection?

a) High b) Medium c) Low

Or, one of the more straight forward questions:

Question 14.*

Homosexual behavior should be regarded as immoral or out of harmony.

1. Agree
2. Disagree
3. Not Applicable

What priority do you place on this selection?

a) High b) Medium c) Low

So what religion should you practice if you love the gays but feel "not sure or not important" about everything else?

Unitarian Universalism! It's the religion for everybody! Literally!

Unitarian Universalists believe that there's a God. Or no God. Or possibly a bunch of gods. They believe that hell might exist, or it might be a state of consciousness in life or death, or maybe it doesn't exist at all, but if it does, you can get your (possibly extant) salvation from Jesus, doing good deeds, or by being re-incarnated as a frog. Also, they're pro-choice. Translation: they're remarkably indecisive or just remarkably inclusive (Hey! It's the Club Med of religion!), with a dash of practical liberalism on the side. Sounds just like me. (Including the all-inclusive thing. Mmm, free drinks...)

If you're wondering about the runners-up, well, wonder no more. I'm 98% compatible with Secular Humanists, who believe that deities and their incarnations don't exist/are unimportant, that there is no afterlife, and that salvation can be found in good deeds. Oh, and also - they love the gays! And the poors! And divorce is a-ok! So basically, they're your average HuffPo readers. (Zing!)

I'm also 82% Neo-Pagan, 47% Scientologist (Hollywood, here I come!), and 31% Mormon. But don't worry, I'm only 18% Jehovah's Witness, so I'll totally leave you and your godlessness alone.

But enough about me! I want to know about you guys, my loyal readers. (Well, those of you that aren't Secular Humanists, that is.) What are you? And if you don't know, take the quiz! Because it's fun. And because I said so.

I'll be back next week! And, since I've figured out what I am, or what I could be, hopefully I'll be slightly more spiritual, no less sarcastic, and with lots more to post about. 'Tis the season, after all. Cheers, and Happy Birthday Jesus!

** My answers, should you care: #2. 5, C; #14. 2, A.