Watching the Anthony Weiner scandal unfold, it was hard not to wonder how a smart, accomplished, beautiful woman like Huma Abedin got herself involved with a guy like Weiner.
After all, the New York Congressman was dishonest to Abedin, a longtime aide to Hillary Rodham Clinton, in a messy, public way -- confessing to sexting and sending lewd photos to a young coed after lying about it for 10 days -- after less than a year of marriage. It's probably not what a newlywed would expect, especially one who's pregnant with their first child.
But, sexting sexcapades aside, the 46-year-old Weiner, whether you find him handsome or not, is a fit, intelligent, passionate, promising politician with a six-figure income who had a reputation of a ladies' man and was even named a Cosmo eligible bachelor -- the kind of man that many, many women are drawn to.
And that's where Abedin and other smart, beautiful, accomplished women often make their mistake. The more financially independent women become, the more they prefer good-looking men. But they don't just want their partners to be hotties; they want them to be masculine, physically fit, loving, educated, a few years older and making the big bucks. Oh, and they also have to really want to be a hubby and daddy.
That's a tall order.
And, evidently, it's working against us. Attractive men don't make the best husbands, according to researchers. Guys who are rated as the most masculine -- a billboard for a man's good genes -- tend to have more testosterone, and men with higher testosterone levels are 43 percent more likely to get divorced than men with normal levels, 31 percent more likely to split because of marital problems and 38 percent more likely to cheat. In other words, they may be better cads than dads.
We'd be smarter if we sought out guys who are uglier than we are because researchers have found that couples in which the woman is hotter than the guy are happier than if the situation is reversed. And since quite a few women have been telling Weiner how "hot" he is, it's clear that neither Abedin nor Weiner got that memo.
Of course, hottie women can also "optimize their looks to find other partners if she's unhappy," says Rob Burriss, a professor at England's University of Chester. Hello, Weiner? And Abedin, 35 -- one of Time magazine's "40 under 40" young stars in politics -- was considered a catch when Weiner started pursuing her a few years ago.
But who can blame her? She, like so many women -- and men -- pick a mate based on pretty predictable factors, dating back to caveman days when all we were trying to do was survive and keep our species going, according to physical anthropologist and Why Him? Why Her? author Helen Fisher, who has been studying human courtship for decades. We're drawn to guys like Weiner because they have good genes we can pass on to our kids. The downside is that we take a huge risk on whether he's going to be sexually faithful to us.
At the same time, who can blame the women who flirted with Weiner and who commented on how "hot" he is; women are more attracted to guys in relationships because they have "proven they can commit," says Ian Kerner, a sex and relationship therapist, and author (She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman). It's likely that we'll see more male poaching in the future -- "research shows that in societies where women are economically powerful, the more sexually and socially aggressive they are," says Fisher.
Regardless of whom we pick -- handsome or ugly -- chances are we're going to be struggling sometime in our fourth year of marriage, Fisher notes. Her research of divorce statistics from 62 countries, dating to 1947, indicates that the seven-year itch is really a four-year itch -- about the time it takes to raise a baby past toddlerhood. "To me, it clearly suggested that divorce might not be a cultural malaise, but an aspect of our inherited mating behavior," she says.
So, now that Abedin evidently has Weiner's good genes, she can either stick it out another few years or split from Weiner now, before their unborn baby will have memories of the divorce, and while she's still young and attractive enough to snag another mate.
This time, perhaps she should go ugly.
This post originally cited Satoshi Kanazawa's 2008 blog post on how attractive men don't make good husbands, but has been updated to reference Faceresearch.org's 2010 study, among others, instead. - Vicki Larson
Follow Vicki Larson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/OMGchronicles
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The problem is with society and the family. Parents should teach their children to be respectful of their partners by setting a good example.
Yep, the good guys are always getting damaged goods.
Women know concealing blemishes, combing their hair and nice clothes go a long long way, and may even make them hot in the eyes of men.
Then there is what is hot, in the eye of the beholder. i met my husband online and he talked to me about physics. It was love at first type.
However I've known some truly hot guys in my life. some where spoilt by the attention they got. some were just guys whose life had been sufficiently difficult to even them out some. Then I've met ugly guys who were ugly all the way through. In the end, you can't judge a book by its cover.
What this tells me is not terribly surprising: when women are economically equal, or superior to their male counterparts...they tend to act like men. If the grand idea here is that women, given the opportunity, can act as shallow or base as a man, that's hardly a revelation. We are all human beings, and we are all prone to doing ridiculous things. Hopefully, we learn as we go, and try to minimize our self destructive behavior as we gain life experience.
But, I have potential. I could get hired next week. I could move out of her house and get my own place. I could win the lottery; again. I sing and entertain people. I am a nice guy. I know the two women I have been with in my entire life and never cheated on my wife. We grew apart. I have two kids and I love them. The last three years of my life have been, hell. But, my attitude and my blood type are the same; Be Positive.
You have no value, you're just pretty to look at. Nothing more.
Since I'm merely being judged by how I appear in the eyes of women, naturally this means that I deserve empowerment based upon apparent sexism and favoritism.
Right? Or is that chauvinistic to prefer fairness across the board?
If lying to the people who trust you, cheating, and being a sleeze ball is good genes, then why don't you write an article encouraging us men to immitate these model genes?
"...the 46-year-old Weiner...is a fit, intelligent, passionate, promising politician with a six-figure income who had a reputation of a ladies' man and was even named a Cosmo eligible bachelor -- the kind of man that many, many women are drawn to."
lol... you know what... you're right!
Bravo Weiner, bravo.
I missed that part in her article. Apparently Ms. Larson isn't just a thinker, but a geneticist as well! Perhaps this article was peer reviewed before she decided to post it.
My guess is not.