In 2009, the abortion rate in New York City was 41 percent of all pregnancies -- twice the national average. That's a lot of abortions. So many, in fact, that New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan has joined with other religious leaders in an effort to decrease the number. The fact that so prominent a member of the always-abolishionist Catholic Church would be involved in a push to simply lessen the incidence of abortion was heartening to me. It shows a degree of pragmatism coming from the religious institution I left as a teenager.
On the issue of abortion, I'm ever on the fence, or, at most, an inch or two to either side. My most firmly held value is what Albert Schweitzer termed "reverence for life." I take this seriously; many would say that because I extend it to nonhumans, I take it too far. I don't eat animals. I rescue strays and take injured pigeons to the wildlife rehab. I carry spiders and wasps outside in a cup covered with a 3x5 card. It would only follow that I'd take pause when contemplating the abrupt and apparently brutal ending of a tiny human being's life, or even a potential human being's life.
However, I am also a woman. I know that pregnancy protection can fail. It happened to me once. I was widowed, a single mom making ends meet -- just meet -- as a freelance magazine writer. I had a boyfriend and a libido, and the diaphragm (I was trying to be "natural") didn't do its job. I had an early miscarriage. If that hadn't happened, I can't say what I'd have done. I do know that women in that situation have, for millennia, found ways to abort pregnancies. Behind the centuries of witch burnings was fear of the village wise woman. Her herbs could cure diseases, and she could both bring new life into the world and, when the mother willed it, prevent that life from coming. That's a lot of power in the hands of the "weaker sex."
The traditional lack of power, combined with the anatomical reality that, in a physical altercation, any woman without a black belt is at a distinct disadvantage, fuels the pro-choice, get-your-hands-off-my-body argument. I understand this from a unique perspective: I was almost aborted. In those days, there was (at least as my mother tells it, so I'm not claiming 100 percent accuracy here) a law on the books in Missouri that, although abortion was illegal, one could be performed if two physicians and the father agreed that doing so was in the best interest of the mother who, remarkably, did not have to be consulted in the matter.
Whatever the legislative specifics, my mother was in the hospital in her first trimester, suffering from kidney stones. She'd just been sedated in preparation for surgery when the bedside phone rang. It was Dr. Edna Banks, a female obstetritian who made it in a man's world by wearing trousers. "If you want this baby," Dr. Banks told my mother, "You'll call a cab and get out of there. They're taking you up for a therapeutic abortion." My groggy mom phoned for a taxi and snuck out a side door. She knew the hospital well because my father was a young doctor there. He was evidently horrified at the prospect of parenthood, and he had arranged for the procedure with a couple of colleagues.
Obviously, the procedure never happened. This gives me, perhaps, a cockeyed view of "pro-choice": When the woman has the choice, she might have the baby. Or not.
And there's more. My father himself performed abortions for thirty years prior to Roe v. Wade. He'd started in medical school when he was desperate for money. Later, women sought him out who were desperate for the service. I was nearly grown when I learned about "my father's other job." That's the name of the one-person show I'm developing about growing up amid uncanny events, such as the week-long hotel stay in my hometown of Kansas City when I was eight. I thought this local vacation was just a special treat. Turns out, it was because my father had terminated the eleventh pregnancy of a woman for whom ten babies were enough. Her husband, a fiery Irish police officer, was threatening to kill me the way my father had, in his view, killed his child.
When I was seventeen, still unaware of my father's other job, he botched an abortion. A college student, not much older than I was, died. My father went to prison but obtained (that is, bought) a governor's pardon. It makes for quite a story and, I'm hoping, a gripping show. But as I write it, and rehearse it, and live in it, I'm still on that fence about the topic at its core.
I suppose this is why I'm so pleased that Archbishop Dolan and other clergy are saying, in essence, "While I am doctrinally opposed to abortion in almost all circumstances, I understand that it's going to happen. What can we do to ensure that it happens less often?" This is similar to something that has long gone on in the animal protection community: the debate between the "rights" people (espousing a vegan lifestyle, no animal experimentation, no exploitation of any kind) and the "welfare" folks (let's make the lives of food animals more comfortable and the cages of lab animals bigger; let's keep an eye on the circus and marine parks so that egregious abuse does not occur). These days, the two factions have come closer together -- agreeing on the the ideal of ending all animal suffering at the hands of humans. They accept, however, that since it won't happen this week and perhaps not this century, we can certainly work to mitigate the suffering now.
And my calling, as one imperfect human, is to celebrate and uphold life every time I get the chance. I believe I'm supposed to forgive everybody's shortcomings -- starting with my own, then my dad's, and moving out from there. And I need to finish My Father's Other Job, rent a black-box theater that seats two-dozen and start to tell my story.
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How I appreciate your vulnerability and honesty. Thank you for sharing this poignant story with me, and with everyone. Your story reminds me of the Brene Brown TED talk that I just watched on the power of being human and vulnerable...and how being vulnerable means not being certain, but navigating the waters of uncertainty with grace and wisdom. You are doing just that here - in your open, curious presence that seeks, most of all, to understand. Thank you for this gift. XO, Karly
A few weeks ago a dear friend talked about women who have had the courage to come forward with their stories of the choice of abortion - which like all choices in life we can make freely, but we don't get to choose the consequences, which can often include tremendous guilt or remorse later. His point wasn't whether abortion was right or wrong (although he clearly holds life and love higher than the oft taken position of "mistake correction"), but that the telling of the story can often help someone else deal with the aftermath of the decision, even decades later.
He painted a beautiful word picture of such a woman who bears her story and then dies and goes to heaven, only to be met by the unborn child - now grown and playing happily, coming up to the woman who helped her mother forgive herself and thanking her for extending that freedom to her.
Love, life, freedom, redemption. A great end to what could be a very sad story.
And while each of us has a notion of when life begins... We can all be certain of one thing; All who have *been born* value their lives. There is no question that each of us hold our lives equally as sacred: The doe; The frog; The dog, cow, chicken or pig all desire for their bodies to continue as much as any human does. It seems that this should be the criteria in speaking up against any harm done to the innocent. I think that being born carries with it a right to experience that life. With this in mind, not much justifies the taking of it... It is in total alignment of the Golden Rule. And this should be our goal towards a more harmonious and fair world.
The autonomy of every living being is a very, very important subject... Thanks for this courageous opine!
Thank you for that.
I have to admit, it rubs my fur wrong when people say "I disapprove of using abortion for birth control".
I know three people who have hit the lottery, against all odds.
I know of NO ONE who ever had abortion after abortion, despite the hype. That suggests it is rare...so the "abortion as birth control" concept is simply to inflame people's outrage on an already fiery topic.
Women I know who have chosen abortion did so after much thought and anguish. They are not unthinking, or flighty. Most experienced birth control failure---and a few for reasons of health could not have another full term pregnancy. It's not for me to judge...ever.
We must be willing to confront the truth, particularly as there has never been an age where there existed such a plethora of reliable and easily-attained birth control options. Coupling that with the availability of the morning-after pill, what are we to make of 41 percent of all pregnancies terminating in abortion? Is this not a statistic of a near-crisis proportion? And as women, are we to remain indifferent to that, or is it our moral obligation to confront it, as uncomfortable and inconvenient as it may be, so that our sisters, mothers and daughters never have to find themselves in that situation?
Wisdom and responsibility demand accountability for our freedom. As women, it is our duty to acknowledge this statistic and - no matter how discomforting -- address it openly, in Love and without judgement to anyone, putting the collective might of that wisdom to work for us, rather than turning a blind eye in the guise of appearing politically palatable.
41 percent for New York.
Not the country...not the world.
I welcome "open, thoughtful dialogue" on this topic.
I think a thoughtful, careful woman will think ahead.
THAT SAID...where is the suggestion that MEN have something to do with pregnancy?
Where is the idea that birth control is something both parties need to consider?
I've been careful about birth control for my entire life...but women still catch the blame for unplanned pregnancy...and bear most of the emotional cost, no matter what they choose. I think it's insane that Men still get a "pass". But that's something that never is discussed.
You may not know anyone that uses abortion as birth control but that certainly does not mean it never happens, the numbers speak for themselves. I know a woman that has had 4 abortions. I think that's appauling!
46% of all abortions are for women that admit they did not use any form of birth control.(Guttmacher Ins.)
We, as women, are far too intelligent to say we don't know the risks of sex. STDs, AIDs, and pregnancies. With or withut protection. If we are willing to take that chance, we should be willing to accept whatever happens, including a pregnancy.