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The Funniest Lines From Scathing SATC2 Reviews

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You could grow out your bangs, or meet your future husband, conceive and give birth or you could could go see the groaningly long Sex and the City 2.

But why bother when you can read some really clever reviews that skewer the film and actually make you laugh out loud. And you don't have to buy a ticket.

To save you endless trawling, here are some highlights (and add your own at the end).

You could say the backlash starts here but I prefer adjusting the lens and putting these in the file marked "Greatest Movie Write Offs of 2010."

Oh c'mon.

Michael Patrick King and those gals couldn't care less. Could they?

This film is an epic eyesore. It's as if they set out to make a movie that said, "You're right! We are hideous!" ---- David Edelstein - New York magazine

The ugly smell of unexamined privilege hangs over this film like the smoke from cheap incense......Your watch will tell you that a shade less than two and a half hours have elapsed, but you may be shocked at just how much older you feel when the whole thing is over.
---- AO Scott - NY Times

The women-too old now to pout, whine and babble about their wet dreams, affluent and successful for reasons that are never clear-are all vain, narcissistic, selfish, superficial and really rather stupid. The actors work hard to perform triage, but they've been playing these roles so long they've grown moss. ---- Rex Reed - New York Observer

As tasteless as an Arabian cathouse, as worn-out as your 1998 flip-flops and as hideous as the mom jeans Carrie wears with a belly-baring gingham top, "Sex and the City 2" is two of the worst movies of the year......Despite its "Lawrence of Arabia" length, this film -- the Sexless and the Self-Pitying -- is as unfunny and shapeless as another famed desert epic. Just think of it as "Bitchtar." ---- Kyle Smith - New York Post

The movie's visual style is arthritic. Director Michael Patrick King covers the sitcom dialogue by dutifully cutting back and forth to whoever is speaking. ..... Carrie narrates the film, providing useful guidelines for those challenged by its intricacies. Sample: "Later that day, Big and I arrived home." ---- Roger Ebert - Chicago Sun Times

Thanks to writer-director Michael Patrick King, I now have a fair idea how it might feel to be stoned to death with scented candles. ----- Cliff Doerksen - Chicago Reader

I sensed a claustrophobic panic growing at the screening I attended. Like Martin Sheen waking from his uneasy slumber in Apocalypse Now and thinking: "Shit, I'm still in Saigon," various members of the audience would emerge from their periodic reveries and mumble out loud: "Shit, Carrie and her friends and by that token, we the audience, are still in Abu Dhabi. ---- Peter Bradshaw - Guardian UK

What might I have done wrong, in a past life or in this one, that I deserve to have my eyeballs seared by Sarah Jessica Parker's loony desert-princess getups? ....... To gaze upon a couple of amazingly well-groomed camels and realize that they have better hairdos than the human movie stars astride them? ----Stephanie Zacharek - moveline.com

It would have been more merciful for writer-director Michael Patrick King to have rented Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda out to the "Saw" franchise, or to Rob Zombie, so we could watch them get shot in the head or skinned alive by Arkansas rednecks. ---- Andrew O'Hehir - Salon.com

And the last word to Lindy West of Stranger.com

If this is what modern womanhood means, then just fucking veil me and sew up all my holes. Good night.