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Vivian Diller, Ph.D.

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Real Women Take Center Stage

Posted: 02/24/2012 2:30 pm

It was a wonderful thing, seeing Meryl Streep at age 62 on the February cover of Vogue magazine. And hearing that she, Glenn Close, Viola Davis and Janet McTeer were among the dozen or so middle aged Oscar nominees this year. These women, along with Susan Sarandon, Annette Bening, Helen Mirren and Betty White are showing up all over the media these days. How refreshing -- and inspiring!

Could it be that Madison Ave and Hollywood are finally getting it right -- that audiences are eager to celebrate real-looking women, rather than plastic, youth-defying ones? Have we, as a culture, finally realized that inspiration comes from those whose accomplishments require years of living that aren't entirely erased by photoshop, airbrushing or the hands of a cosmetic surgeon?

The popularity of Streep's Vogue cover reminded me of the overwhelming positive response I got from a blog post I wrote almost a year ago, "Real is Really In." Back then, I raised the question many others my age were just beginning to ask: "Why are Baby Boomers misrepresented (not to mention underrepresented) in the media, when that wasn't how we actually saw ourselves?" Both men and women wrote comments about their outrage over how our generation was being portrayed -- as if ashamed of their age and willing to do anything to deny it. Audiences, I sensed, were ready for real.

Around the same time, "A Little too Ready for Her Close Up?" appeared in the New York Times, an article suggesting that Hollywood was beginning to catch on. Directors, according to the Times, were turning away actors who looked unnaturally perfect. Talent agents were discouraging their clients from having surgery -- especially the older celebrities -- who were losing jobs because their faces were either too taut, swollen or distorted. One well known casting agent was quoted saying, "What I want to see is real."

Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but there appears to be a true increase in, and widening appreciation for -- dare I say -- mature beauty, genuine talent and ripened experience. And a growing distaste for the opposite. I hear more and more people outspokenly critical of the surgically altered and overly Botoxed faces they see around them -- on screen and off. Could it be that not only are actors being given the green light to look their age, but this trend is trickling down?

This is good news for those first facing their 'uh-oh' moment -- that jolt that hits during the early stage of the aging process, when wrinkles and gray begin to appear. Men and women who are seeking solutions to looking good as they age may now have models in the media to show them graceful alternatives.

It's not such good news for those who have already permanently altered their appearance to comply with what they believed our culture demanded. I feel sad for the ones who fell victim to the anti-aging craze, who can't undo what they have done -- think Meg Ryan, Melanie Griffith, Mickey Rourke, Pamela Anderson or Sylvester Stallone. These men and women are just a few of the many guinea pigs of our generation.

And take those "Real Housewives" who now not only face criticism for their 'bad' behavior, but for their plastic, puffed-up looks as well. Or what about Anjelica Huston? I regret even mentioning her in the same paragraph as those reality girls, but while excellent in the new NBC series, "Smash," even she has lost some of her fans, as her seemingly frozen, unlined face represents the antithesis of the full bodied and proudly maturing woman we knew her to be.

Perhaps the next generation will benefit from those that preceded them -- learning from a culture that lost its way, panicked about aging, only to find it again in their very own real bodies and faces. Maybe Adele, six-time Grammy winner (and like Streep, also a recent Vogue covergirl) is a good example of what is to come. She spoke to British Vogue about her disinterest in changing her face or body to fit 'model-like' looks. Although only in her early 20s, Adele seems steadfast in her sense of self. Sure, she's young and at the peak of her career. And no doubt, her appearance will transform if she continues to be in the spotlight as she gets older. But for now, her fans seem to love her outspokenness about who she is and how she looks. They love her for being -- and looking -- real.

We'll see how long we can hold onto this trend, but it seems to be catching on and people of all ages are more than eager and ready for it.

What do you think about the trend toward 'real' women in the media?

Vivian Diller, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice in New York City. She serves as a media expert on various psychological topics and as a consultant to companies promoting health, beauty and cosmetic products. Her book, "Face It: What Women Really Feel As Their Looks Change" (2010), edited by Michele Willens, is a psychological guide to help women deal with the emotions brought on by their changing appearances.

For more information, please visit my website at www.VivianDiller.com, friend me on Facebook (at http://www.facebook.com/Readfaceit) or continue the conversation on Twitter @DrVDiller.

For more by Vivian Diller, Ph.D., click here.

For more on aging gracefully, click here.

 
 
 

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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
amazingsusan
Living out of a box
02:24 PM on 03/07/2012
Hmmmm. It's nice to be hopeful, but the numbers are nowhere where the need to be yet...

http://amazingwomenrock.com/invisible-women-where-is-half-the-worlds-population

Plus, Oscars oh nos:
1) Only 5% of the top grossing films in 2011 were directed by women (no change since 1998);

2) In the last 84 years only four women have been nominated for Best Director. Only one has won (Kathryn Bigelow for The Hurt Locker in 2010 http://amazingwomenrock.com/kathryn-bigelow-film-directorfirst-woman-to-win-the-academy-award-for-best-director).

Hmmmm. Is it just me? Or is there something wrong with this picture (pun absolutely intended)?

Here's a short video on some of the women who should have been nominated:
http://amazingwomenrock.com/and-the-nominees-should-be-more-women

We have a looooonnnnggg way to go yet...
01:57 AM on 03/01/2012
Nice article, thank you! While Meryl Streep is a fantastic actress, I don't think of actresses as being remotely "real" like the rest of us, but I do think of all the dedicated and compassionate women my age (60!) who are going strong as teachers, lawyers, doctors, yoga teachers, dentists, artists, etc. These women are my role models. These women do their jobs with a smile, energy and devotion that keeps them youthful and well-loved. These women have worked hard to, at last, occupy their careers front and center and it's fantastic to witness their bloom, vitality and honed talents.
07:30 AM on 02/29/2012
ooh...LOVE this article - thank you! It's about time the world is waking up to see what women 'of a certain age' have to offer! The phrase "aging gracefully" may be a but quaint, but it really represents a whole lotta shakin' goin' on with this group of women! Thanks for a great review of what it's all about! http://www.fiftyisthenewforty.net/life-after-50/aging-gracefully-the-devils-in-the-details/
12:49 PM on 02/28/2012
Seriously? you see hope in a cover of Meryl Streep at age 62 ? Excuse me, she has had a lot of work done, she has been careful to keep it looking natural but NO woman at 62 looks like her without having a cosmetic dermatologist on call. Aging gracefully for women continues to mean looking younger than you are. Just pull out a picture of your mother or other friends and relatives or even yourself and see the difference.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Rebecca Carey
Proud Liberal.
11:46 AM on 02/28/2012
What do you think about the trend toward 'real' women in the media?

Trend?
Real women have always been in the media, just not always in the front and center.
Yes, it's clearly overdue., But, I don't harbor any illusions that "older' appearing women will have the same panache that is reserved for younger women.
Women should be honored for their intellect as well as their beauty.
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Celt Glen
05:26 AM on 02/27/2012
Self confidence is the strongest aphrodisiac.
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saortolani
Firmly rooted in reality
09:42 PM on 02/26/2012
I hope aging gracefully is coming back - nothing is sadder than someone who takes on a plastic look and thinkin g that they somehow actually look better.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Jeanne Ball
Teacher of meditation, David Lynch Foundation
02:42 PM on 02/26/2012
Love this! As a teacher of meditation for women, I also see a trend where women are seeking to get to know their real self. Meditation helps them transcend the superficial and connect to their inner self—that is timeless, fresh and peaceful. Having that direct experience not only transforms the way a woman feels about herself, but it also shows up on her face. There's nothing like the after-glow of meditation!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Brygida Biedro
A liberal woman in conservative society
02:19 PM on 02/26/2012
Our societies are definitely too obsessed with young age, only slim bodies and such things. I wonder why not as many people are as much obsessed with intellect and intelligence.
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syds180turn
Independent and Proud of It!
10:59 AM on 02/26/2012
I was watching this film not too long ago and the actor was in his late 40's and his eventual love interest was in her 20's. Well, the storyline was that he use to mock her when they were " in school together" and now the tables have turned...blah...blah...blah. Number one, the glaring problem is that the actor is old enough to be her father...and looks it. There's not enough suspension of disbelief anyone can do to overcome that. Yet, there they were in an improbable movie that only got worse as it went on. That film is one of the issues Hollywood as well as the media has with aging. Women are suppose to stay young forever while men can be as ridiculous as they want starring with women sometimes more than half their ages in a situation that makes no sense. Even in real life, when men date and marry younger women barely a word is said but if a women does the same identical thing, then she's vilified, mocked and pitied...with the media pulling for the relationship to fail and fail miserably. No wonder some women have developed what's akin to mental illnesses regarding aging. It won't change until first, women accept themselves for who they are, where they are in life and what they want to accomplish in that life. We have to demand respect or we'll never easily get it.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
nolabear
11:03 PM on 02/25/2012
As a novelist who, of course, has fantasized about her middle aged characters being adapted for the screen, I've come up against the real problem of finding strong, interesting women who are real to play the parts. We've chuckled many times over the concept of having a youth-anized actress made up in order to look her real age.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
WilliamL
08:57 PM on 02/25/2012
Botoxed, Silicone, and lifts signify a person who is no longer real. Although I understand to an extent, certain procedures, (years of breast feeding for example) the majority of the physical alterations reflect a person whose insides may be in need of more work than the outside. Most men understand that a pretty face and body does not mean that beneath it exists a pretty, just, kind, loving, compassionate, empathetic, considerate or in any shape or form a pretty person. Most men understand that the more work and emphases a women takes on herself, her accessories, her appearance in general, the superficial, is someone to be leery about. A woman who goes to the gym-is active-does things besides shops and eat is something looked upon as well in the mix of manufactured appearances.
06:37 PM on 02/25/2012
While that would be an ideal turn of eventsl, it's not the media coming to it's senses. It is what it has always been; showing the majority of people what they wish to see for the sake of profit. In that respect, nothing has changed.
04:15 PM on 02/25/2012
Thank you!!
01:32 PM on 02/25/2012
Thank you for keeping "an eye" on aging with grace, sense and less anxiety.