There are people who look great for their age -- George Clooney, Annette Bening and Betty White are a couple of celebs that come to mind. Then there are others who look to me to be strangely "altered" -- think Mickey Rourke, Priscilla Presley and Heidi Montag.
For all of us, there's a line -- not always so fine -- between caring about how we look and caring too much. When it comes to getting older, the proper balance between trying to look our best and falling victim to the anti-aging craze is what I call the "beauty tipping point."
As we hit our 40s, 50s and beyond, most of us know it takes extra effort to maintain a healthy appearance -- our bodies just are not as naturally resilient as they once were. We have to stretch and strengthen to stay strong. We need to moisturize and massage to stay soft. Some of us add new grooming routines to our lives -- e.g. facials, hair coloring, teeth whitening -- and view them not just as indulgences, but necessary habits for healthy aging. It's when these regimens become an obsession that keep us from other important things we value -- like our relationships, careers, hobbies and fun -- that we need to step back and ask ourselves, "have we lost the proper balance?"
How do we know when our tipping point hits that slipping point? Are there ways catch ourselves before starting down the 'anti-aging' slippery slope? Here are five things to look out for:
1) Diet and Exercise
You might notice that your clothes feel tight. Your eating habits may not have changed, but your metabolism has. Your weight is distributing differently -- a little more around the waist, thighs and buttocks? You feel aches and stiffness where you never felt them before. Gravity is pulling at your skin -- on your face, under your chin and arms. Some sags appear, no matter how athletic you have been or in shape you are now.
In Balance: You are determined to find a way to counteract these natural tendencies. While you may have had parents and grandparents (or even some peers) who gave up on their aging bodies, you are determined to forge a healthier path! You go on a new diet, increase or start exercising and begin vitamin regimes. All good.
Slipping: When diet and exercise become all consuming, take note. You may be hitting the slipping point if you find yourself increasingly exhausted, yet you keep pushing yourself harder and feel as though you can't stop. If your focus is the number on your scale or you are visiting physical therapists more often than your grandchildren, you know you've tipped the balance.
2) Reinvent your Look
You realize you need to make some changes to your "look" -- your wardrobe, hair and makeup -- to adjust to your changing body and face. You may take more time when you get dressed than in the past, when getting to work or attending to kids were your first priority. Finding comfortable, but fashionable clothes and a stylish haircut may matter now. You may find your former makeup favorites don't work for you anymore. You want to bring attention to your best qualities, not cover up and hide. But all this takes some thought and time.
In Balance: Rather than giving up in despair -- the "I don't have anything to wear" syndrome, or "I'll find something, anything, from the back of my closet" -- you may decide to shop for new outfits, accessories and makeup that are more suitable for your age. You may decide to try a fresh hairstyle, add some color, highlights or wear gray more fashionably. You're optimistic about this "reinvention" idea.
Slipping: When you find yourself obsessed with shopping, or buying unnecessary items that you either don't like or don't wear, you are hitting the point of "returns." You know you have tipped the balance if you have dozens of new outfits, take hours to choose one before heading out the door and still don't like how anything looks. If you don't want to leave the house at all, you have become a victim of the anti-aging craze. Step back. Take a long look at your 'look. 50 is not the new 15, no matter what you hear on those TV ads. Looking your best at 50, 60 and beyond is what healthy aging is really about.
3) Compliments and Criticism
When our bodies are changing in ways that feel out of our control, many of us ask for others' opinions to help figure it all out. You may seek advice from family and friends -- much like you did as an adolescent. "Do I look okay in this outfit?" "Should I try my hair shorter, longer, color it or not?" "I don't feel that old, do I look it?" is a common refrain, whether we say it out loud or not.
In Balance: Assuming you trust the people who are close to you to be kind and honest, asking for reassurance isn't all bad. It helps to hear from our loved ones that they admire us for who we are. Sometimes family, friends and even websites have good suggestions about fashion and style. Hey, we all need a little help from our friends during times of change. The truth is, most people close to us prefer that we don't radically alter the faces they have come to love.
Slipping: At this age, you need to rely more on your own internal mirror than on the view others have of you. Otherwise, you may begin to feel like the insecure adolescent you once were. If you distrust the compliments you get, or go into a tailspin at the slightest criticism, you have tipped the balance -- caring too much about your appearance at a time when your looks are naturally changing. There is no way to turn back the years, so enjoy the compliments and learn to deal with the changes that come with age.
4) Social Anxiety
As we get older, we may not only become insecure about how we look, but about how we feel in social situations. For those who relied on their physical appearance for self-confidence or to attract attention from others -- well, it just doesn't work that way anymore. For those who never felt particularly focused on their looks, aging can sometimes level the playing field. Most of us didn't expect to be single at midlife, nor faced with meeting new mates. But many of us are. And, to some degree, as we reach our 50s and beyond, all of us experience some concern about feeling invisible to others.
In Balance: Many of us are unwilling to just disappear. We realize we may have to rely on more than our physical features to feel confident and good about ourselves -- more on who we are as individuals, rather than how we look. We are in balance if we view interactions as opportunities to engage with others -- rather than compete -- with them.
Slipping: If you find you are comparing yourself to others -- or worse, to those airbrushed magazine images -- you are placing unrealistic pressure on yourself. If you need a drink before heading out the door, find it hard to look people in the eye, or rush to the bathroom to check on your appearance every 15 minutes, you have hit the slipping point. To regain your balance, remind yourself that your appearance is only one aspect of the complicated person you have become. Others will see you as more than skin deep, especially if you do.
5) Cosmetic Procedures
Your fine lines are turning to wrinkles. The wrinkles threaten to become wide roads and rivers. While sunscreens keep rising numerically, the road map on your face has its own sense of direction. You know that you have hit an "uh-oh" moment, when no matter how you look at it, something fundamental about who you are, is changing.
In Balance: You realize you have turned a corner in this aging process and it's important to be proactive about it. You visit your doctors more regularly; internists, ophthalmologists, gynecologists and urologists. You include yearly checkups with a dermatologist for full body exams and learn how to prolong the vitality of your skin. You try a variety creams and treatments suitable for your aging body and face.
Slipping: You find you are visiting too many doctors too often, hoping one will offer some miracle anti-aging cure. Or you avoid doctors altogether, hiding your body from them and yourself for fear of what you will see. In the privacy of your bathroom, you start pulling back your skin, wondering, "what if I did this or that?" You first consider one of the non-invasive cosmetic procedures you saw advertised on your friend's face -- botox, fillers and lasers. You're told they are simple and quick, even if expensive and requiring upkeep. You have one procedure, like how it looks and think more might be better. You decide it's time for radical measures, so you get a consult for plastic surgery. You end up doing your eyes, neck and liposuction. As soon as you have recovered, you begin thinking about "what's next?" When the results continue down that slope, you know you are well past the slipping point.
The Bottom Line
Caring for how you look -- especially as you age -- isn't the same as turning back the clock or magically appearing like a younger version of yourself. There are too many other things that require energy as we get older. If you see yourself slipping, find your balance and move forward, looking your best for the rest of your life.
What advice would you give to someone who has slipped past the "beauty tipping point?"
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Follow Vivian Diller, Ph.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrVDiller
Robert Tornambe, M.D.: Dangerous? Keeping An Eye On Trendy Cosmetic Surgeries
Expert Tips on Turning Back the Hands of Time
Plastic surgery makes 60 the new 40 - Health - Aging - msnbc.com
Anti-Aging Cosmetics - Anti-Aging Makeup - Good Housekeeping
http://anyshinything.com/2011/07/08/middle-aged-woman-grows-balls/
The human urinary system works on a feedback mechanism. That's all one has to know to understand that it is a total myth.
Most of us (that's most of us who don't exercise much) get our full water needs, just through the foods we eat.
Those who exercise a lot, of course, particularly in hot weather, become dehydrated and need to replenish their water.
You are right about the sun. Second on the list is smoking. Then too many high-density carbohydrates.
As for Avon erasing ten years off a face: smoke and mirrors; bottles of hope.
What is considered too much focus on beauty is an individual thing. Some people wear no make-up and never color their hair, so the balanced approach is pretty extreme. Some people spend thousands on premium skin and hair care products, which can also seem extreme. And apparently millions get cosmetic surgery annually here in the U.S., as well as injectables and other clinical beauty treatments. Why is this considered unbalanced, in light of our culture.
And I don't know about the other celebrities you cited, but George Clooney looks fantastic, and yes, he has had plastic surgery.
Balanced is in the eye of the beholder.
That's where the 're-invention' comes in, finding a new nook and style that represents your current life and image. Depending on how much they have neglected themselves, sometimes women may feel the need for a drastic change, sometimes they only want a small one, it all depends on what they're comfortable with and can afford. You don't have to spend a lot of money, but buying a new outfit or changing your lipstick can take years off your look and make you feel like a million bucks.
Feed your body foods that are good for it on all days. Some days, feed it foods you simply want to eat for the heck of it. Exercise daily (at least a little) and make love to your partner as much as possible. A glass of wine or two won't hurt you either.
That's my recipe.
Kathy Seifert
These procedures often make you altered and unnatural, which in turn makes you look older than you are. Besides, what are you going to do @ 40? That's the age you should be thinking about 'anti-aging' procedures, but you've been stuffing your face with that crap for so long, there isn't more you can do. Also, using botox repeatedly, causes muscle atrophy, which flattens your forehead and makes your eyebrows droop, giving you a zombie look=not cute.
Cosmetic surgery can be a risky road to go down. We have become a culture of instant gratification, where we ignore common sense and think we can damage our bodies and spirits and then 'fix' it with surgery. This is why Heidi Montag had 25 surgeries, thinking she can heal whatever is going on inside her, and-shocker-she admits she isn't any happier and now looks like a robot.
The best 'anti-aging' advice is to be as natural as you can and feed your mind, body and spirit with good food, exercise, sleep, NOT SMOKING!!!!, meditation, love, less stress, natural sunlight and suncreen to prevent burning. Then when you are ready, use cosmetic surgery judiciously to 'refresh' rather than 'mask' or 'alter'.
There is no such thing as an 'easy anti aging fix', especially when you are trying to use cosmetic surgery to 'cure' your insecurities or poor lifestyle choices.
For all that I know she may have had some work done as well, but if so it is subtle and tasteful.
My advice to people my age : Be sure that when you die, your family can't fight over the mineral rights to your corpse.
I always tried to not depend on my looks. I walked away from a modeling career to follow a more spiritual path. Now, soon to be 62 yrs old, I wish that I did not care about my appearanceÂ, but I do. I am single. I have not been in a live in type relationshÂip for 13 years. The thought of taking my clothes off in front of a man, freaks me out. A male friend points out, "that is what alcohol and a light switch are for". My hair, already fine and blond, is thinning and my hair is a multitude of colors, from dark iron gray, to white streaks. I swore to color it until it all turns white. Then there is the 20 pd weight gain and the sagging of my neck, and having to shave my face, things that "they" never tell you...I still have the same straight layered hair cut that I did in college and have recently thought of cutting it.I can't see to put on my makeup and where did my eye lashes go?? I think that the weirdest thing is that if I do hook up with someone, we have only declining health and death to look forward to. I don't want to marry someone and then have to take care of them for years.
A long, long time ago now, I came home from Fort Sill, Oklahoma. Shortly afterwards, I experienced a gran mal seizure on the streets of Seattle. Ever since then, my opinion on appearances and the opinions of other has been, "I really, truly don't give a damn what other people think."
Why should I? I don't know these people. They are not my close friends or family members. They are people on the street for crying out loud. What? Are they some kind of, 'We are going to tell you momma what you looked like,' crew? By the way - my mother is deceased.
So while many people spend endless hours putting every hair in place I can only look at them and think of all the money they put into endless numbers of products so they can, 'look good,' and laugh. But then - my opinion of them doesn't matter a whole lot either, does it?