Aging has never been a walk in the park, but doing so in today's world is a challenge few us were prepared for. Which reminds me of two recent news items that have created quite a flurry. Upon first reading them, they seemed unrelated, but I now believe there is a connection that explains the attention they're getting.
The New York Times article, "A Fate That Narcissists Will Hate: Being Ignored," described the pending removal of narcissistic personality disorder (N.P.D) from the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V). The article suggests people are worried that this change is an ominous sign of the times. Removing this particular disorder, they believe, reflects a culture that views narcissism and self-involvement as acceptable character traits.
The Times article makes the important distinction between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the casual use of the term narcissism. Guilty of the latter myself, I remind us here that N.P.D. is a diagnosis assigned to patients with unrealistic and pathological grandiosity, while the word narcissism is loosely used to those who care little for others -- e.g. selfish spouses, egotistical leaders, self-involved celebs -- and to connote normal self-regard. I remind us too that deleting any category from the DSM in no way means that the disorder or its symptoms have necessarily disappeared. Instead, the deletion of N.P.D. (as well as five other personality disorders) is being suggested because their use as a diagnostic categories have been deemed more confusing than helpful.
As a psychologist, I know that political and academic infighting occurs with every new addition to or subtraction from the DSM. I know too, that the American Psychiatric Association makes these changes after years of debate and only if research indicates the need for refining or redefining any particular diagnoses. Besides, psychotherapists use the DSM as a guide -- more like a handbook for treatment planning and insurance purposes -- not for deeper understanding of psychology, pathology or sociology.
In any case, these "insider" issues are typically of interest only to those academics in charge of reducing complicated mental illnesses into categories. Sometimes they provoke heated conversation among psychotherapists (who find the manual annoyingly simplistic) or insurers (who are concerned changes will expand coverage). But it's the strong reaction by the general public to this particular revision that is striking and I believe is rooted in a larger issue. The fear that narcissism is now being viewed, not as 'next to normal,' but as normal itself is creating enormous discomfort and much of it is coming from the generation (my own) of Baby Boomers.
Which leads me to the second news article that has been gathering attention, "Baby Boomers Approach 65 -- Glumly." Written by the PEW Research Center, an organization that reports social and demographic trends, the piece noted that, "On January 1, 2011, the oldest Baby Boomer will turn 65," By 2030, it claims, fully 18 percent of the nation's population will be at least that age, pointing out that "Baby Boomers are more downbeat than other age groups about the trajectory of their own lives and the direction of the nation as a whole." Disappointment in marriage, finances, economic views, technology, religion and the news were found high among by this group, leading the report to conclude that Boomers in general were "pretty glum."
In all fairness, being down about these concerns seems to cross generations, so singling out Boomers as feeling particularly glum raises questions about what to make of the PEW report. One Huffington Post blogger reacted to the report in her article, "Life After 50: Are You Anxious About Aging":
While reading it, I felt my shoulders sinking lower and lower, my head started to ache and my heart seemed to grow heavier by the second. This visceral reaction wasn't because I was buying into what they were reporting. Far from it. It was because I knew that the media would have a full-blown field day with the findings, and the only thing that people, especially those over 50, would get from it would be that we are depressed, anxious, in a funk, glum and gloomy.
Tell me what you think about starting an ABV movement? And ideas about how we can do that? And don't forget to "friend" me on facebook, follow me on twitter and take a look at my website, www.FaceItTheBook.com.
Follow Vivian Diller, Ph.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrVDiller
Scott Barry Kaufman, Ph.D.: Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?
Baby Boom Generation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Gen Y's Most Perilous Trait? - Andrew McAfee - Harvard Business Review
Narcissistic personality disorder - MayoClinic.com
Take the Narcissistic Personality Inventory - USATODAY.com
Treating Aging Baby Boomers Cost Hospitals $56 Billion, USA
Speaking as a young person (24) in the corporate environment, I don't think you the boomers could be holding on to their prominence and sense of importance any more desperately than they already are. I encounter almost nothing but condescension and dismissal from boomers, because they are threatened by my youth and technological savvy. I would like to get on track in my life so I can start paying off my student loans and maybe marry my girlfriend and buy a house, but I don't see that happening while boomers (all 78 million of you!) are snapping up all the entry-to-mid-level positions with their 25 year long resumes.
Consider this quote: "A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in." --Greek
Perhaps instead of thinking of ways to cling to your former glory and confidence, and instead of griping about the indignity of aging that every generation ever has taken in stride, why don't you focus on the continued success of our nation and your progeny?
like I am a child (particularly regarding computers) and of course, looking in the mirror with a high degree of dissatisfaction. My health is consistent with what could be described as an 'ageing body'.
Still, it didn't take me long to get a grip. My description of my self that 'I am a happy woman'.
Some days it just happens naturally, other days it is an active choice. Lest you think my life
has been easy, be assured that like everyone else, I have had more than my share of 'setbacks'.
Choosing to be happy is a 'no-brainer' when you consider the alternative.
Is the image in the mirror important?
Just a little perhaps.
What is more important than the wonder of the body
is the unseen reflection of the Soul
projected into the world in my actions and attitude.
The Love manifests through me so that I take more care
in the balance and harmony within that I touch
than I do with image in the mirror.
my website!" who is the Narcissist now Ms.Diller? LOL!!!
Best,
Barbara
I really do believe there is a need for our generation to join together. Giving us a name; ABV --Aging But Vital --seems a good way to promote that idea. Glad you liked the piece. Dr. Diller
But, bottom line, parents, regardless of which generation they come from, require a good balance between selflessness and caring for oneself to be considered good parents. There is no excuse for not making the sacrifices needed to be a good parent.
Now at 60, I am having that same experience. In a sense, most of America is having a bit of it, as the ravished state of our economy is forcing a redefinition of our identities, egos and values. For the boomers, add a layer of impending mortality to a generation that functioned as a cultural tsunami. As we all move through our life stages, we must constantly let go of, grieve and reinvent our many life identities.
Nicely said. We all age and can learn from each other how to let go and move on. Thanks for your comment.
Aging gracefully would be more common if getting older was viewed by Boomers (and those around them) as a natural, honorable stage of life, ABV.
What you and I CAN find is perhaps backing Michael Moore, Julian Assange, Chris Hedges, David Sirota (sp?). The gauntlet is yours, learn from our mistakes and selfishness.
Peace On Neal. I mean that.