Reinvent yourself! Renew and revitalize!
Popular quests -- if not expectations -- of Baby Boomers today. Julia Roberts did it in style portraying Elizabeth Gilbert's journey in Eat, Pray, Love. The need to 'reinvent' was one explanation for the end of Tipper and Al Gore's 40-year marriage. And wouldn't it be interesting if 'reinvention' -- rather than suspected infidelity -- was the driving force behind rumors of 48-year-old Demi Moore's split from Ashton Kutcher? Turning the big five-0 tempts many of us with the alluring chance to do life over, leaving behind what was to move on to new beginnings.
Sure, we are living longer than ever before, more fit and active than any previous generation who has reached this age. And there are many mid-lifers who are struck with the compelling urge to pursue new dreams or meet unfulfilled ones. Arianna Huffington recently spoke with Rita Wilson on The Joy Behar Show about life after 50 saying, "Nothing is ever over, whether it's your dreams or your sex life," emphasizing the importance of finding creative ways to move forward. Agreed -- who doesn't welcome Arianna's eternal optimism? But while these opportunities are appealing -- and for many, quite possible -- there are others who are in fact poorly prepared for the challenges that real life reinvention bring.
Before you jump at the chance for a midlife 'do-over,' you may want to consider these three essential psychological components -- called the three R's of Reinvention -- to determine your readiness to take on major transformations at this stage of life.
Resilience: It is important to assess how resilient and resourceful you are before inviting major life changes. It may look easy for actors in 'feel-good' movies or celebs with unlimited resources, but the majority of us have to consider real life realities and limitations. Whether it be making a career move, leaving your mate or taking on new and different challenges, assess both your internal emotional resources as well as your financial ones to determined if you are equipped to rise to the challenge of change. "Out with the old and in with the new" sounds revitalizing, but it often takes a lot of courage, effort and money to make changes at midlife. Those who leap at reinvention, but have little resilience, can end up feeling anxious and depressed, rather than renewed and energized. The ability to rebound is key in finding new ways to cope with, and even enjoy, new beginnings.
Reliance: Some people reluctantly admit that initial attempts at midlife reinvention left them feeling very alone. Recognize that it takes time to re-establish a new course in life, settle into unfamiliar surroundings and find comfort with new people. Leaving poor relationships or dead end jobs can propel us in positive directions, but these changes almost always require leaving behind those who provided us safety and comfort. The ability to rely on others and ask for help is important while transitions are made. Assess realistically who you can trust to be supportive and evaluate your ability to rely on them. Reinventing yourself often means finding a balance between taking the risk to be self-reliant and the risk to lean on others when need be.
Renewal: Remember, old roles that you may be eager to leave behind -- as spouse, parent or professional -- have been part of your identity for years. We may look forward to change, but letting go of old roles is difficult. Men who relied on work for their self esteem wonder why they get depressed when starting their long awaited travel adventures. Women who spend years caring for kids struggle as they get used to the time made free by their empty nests. Those who leave long-term marriages -- even very destructive ones -- find themselves extremely uneasy in their new role being single. Reinventing yourself means starting afresh, but it often means letting go of old routines and relationships that made us comfortable. Remember, assess your psychological flexibility so you can enjoy ongoing renewal of who you are and who you hope to become.
It's great to view your 50s and beyond as a time that brings potential opportunity for transformation. More and more mid-lifers are, in fact, choosing new and interesting paths as they plan for the years ahead. But, it's one thing to follow a popular trend and another to use experience and wisdom to make sensible life choices. Evaluate the your three Rs -- Resilience, Reliance and Renewal -- in order to move forward confidently with reinventions that work in real life.
Tell us if you have had a reinvention experience? Share the qualities you believe made it a real life possibility.
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theweemo: Important Life Lessons we can Learn From Demi and Ashton
http://anyshinything.com/2011/10/07/this-boomer-will-never-die/
I for one don't really care if I live to 100+, I'll be happy if I croak suddenly at 77 without ever badly deteriorating physically.
If you are 'feeling your age' at 40 ask yourself this question. If as twenty five year old I had lived the same lifestyle (diet, exercise etc.) as I have for the past 5 years what sort of shape would I be in? I suspect that for most people the honest answer would be, about the same.
Most of all, Realize: What is important and how can you make your life much more fulfilling and happy? Know, "life is short," and you should appreciate each day as if it was your last one! Leave the past in the past, and learn to pick & choose, what is important and what isn't. What would you like to see happen and how can you be happy! "You can only change you!"
roughage
roughage
roughage
I am closer to 50 than 40, but my initiation into reinvention began in 1999 with a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. When a person goes deep into a painful experience or loss, the trick of reinvention is to find the gift, heal the wound (metaphorically speaking), and then take the wisdom gained to help others.
If I may be so bold as to add two more “Rs” to your list: Re-visioning, or looking at a seeming negative situation or emotion and seeing though it to the hidden treasure; and then Re-imagining a different outcome for the future. Initiation into all transformation is an ancient idea that needs to be reinvented for 21st century lives.
It has been a fantastic seven years but now we feel we are getting stuck in a rut so are planning to move to France. We intend to spend the coming year learning French and come back here (We are in France now) this time next year to do some intensive French language courses and find a house.
I believe you have to anticipate the stages of ageing and prepare for them. My mother has lived in the same house for forty years, but now she is barely mobile. She is housebound and obese from lack of exercise. If she had moved ten years ago to a single level home with flat gardens outside where she could have walked she would have had a far better chance of retaining her fitness. But now she just could not take the disruption of moving physically or mentally.
As you get older you are forced to reinvent yourself. It is not physically possible to do otherwise. So it is far better to take the initiative than have it forced on you by circumstances.
I find it interesting that, especially in these times, you didn't raise the issue of "forced reinvention". By that I mean people like me who in their late 40s were laid off and had recognized very quickly that the corporate world wasn't dying to hire us back at this late stage.
So I went back to school full time and completed a two-year program to train me for a role I can do on my own, without having to rely on the "largesse" of companies who were no longer willing to pay me for a job someone ten years my junior would do for 3/4 of my salary. It's scary to be a somewhat reluctant entrepreneur, but on the other hand, I'll be my own boss and can work for as many years more as I like without worrying if some youngster is gunning for me.
The worst part of this transition is the re-adjustment to living on far less while the business ramps up. And it could take years, if ever, for me to earn what I made two years ago before the layoff. I'm one of the lucky ones in that I have a fully employed husband whose job provides health insurance. Knock wood, we're all quite healthy.