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Warren Holstein

Warren Holstein

Posted: January 14, 2010 01:39 AM

Fox's Barracuda Jumps the Shark

What's Your Reaction:
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The end is nigh. Watching Bill Kristol's Eliza Do-nothing struggle to dress up her red-meat-tea-party talking points in snarkily delivered, barely comprehensible, pseudo-intellectual jargon on Fox News, as she is coaxed by Bill O'Righty like an over-eager poodle pup makes me think this Frankenditz might be the harbinger of the Rapture she's spent her entire charmed life preparing for (AKA God's Plan).

I'd rather be exposed to Glenn Beck after a full-blown Healthcare-Is-Fascism hissy fit, eyes streaming crocodile tears, rocking back and forth in the fetal position with his thumb in his mouth and a pool of drool dripping down his moisturized chinny chin-chin (actually high-fructose corn syrup, but it works for the camera) than this former second-string Miss Alaska smarmily playing pretend at punditry.

It's like being forced to listen to your overzealous eight-year-old niece's rousing rendition of The Music Man's "Pick a Little, Talk a Little" at the Thanksgiving table. As she mangles the song by sputtering and stuttering and over-confidently mugging, going from moderately cute to overly grotesque in the ten minutes it takes for turkey to get cold and the mashed potatoes to grow a hardened crust.

And yet there Sarah is, being paid to spew lukewarm air and mutilate the English language on a national "news" network.

Exhibit A (On Obama's poll numbers):

I -- It was just a matter of time before more of that reflection of the people's uncomfortable ... ness that they feel towards this administration is manifesting in these poll numbers.

What??? How is it possible that she has a degree in broadcast journalism? I mean this is what she is allegedly good at, folks!

Exhibit B (On Harry Reid's controversial remarks):

I come from a very diverse state. My family is very diverse. I'm married to an Alaskan Native. A lot of us don't think along those lines that somebody's skin tone would be criteria for, a -- a qualification for the presidency. So his -- his thinking and articulating of that that thought was -- is quite perplexing, is quite unfortunate and is unacceptable.

I myself have many 1/8th Alaskan Native American friends (like her hubby Todd whose mother is a whole one-quarter Yup'ik). And far be it for me to argue that Alaska is not in fact the poster state for diversity ... just as Iran is the poster nation for Zionism. However, I do find her unflagging support for the Tea Bagger Movement, whose fringes so blatantly assert that somebody's skin tone should be "criteria for, a -- a qualification for the presidency," a tad bothersome.

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Palin's Bread n' Butter

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Wonder if she'll be at the keynote address? Fingers crossed.

Man, as if the creepy, self-satisfied croak of ole Spin Lizzy Cheney wasn't bad enough to bear, Fox had to go and up the ante with this brainless Barracuda. Could it possibly get any worse? Certainly! Let's not forget that Palin has recently begotten Prejean, opening the floodgates for any bimbo with a bathing suit, baton-twirling act, fully realized implants and a dream. Why, Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) has already suggested to TMZ (that other bastion of Fair and Balanced reporting) that Prejean could be a serious contender in the political arena, stating that: "[Carrie] has the ability to draw crowds and if she has a strong message to go with that, who knows what she can do? She has star power which can open doors." Sound familiar? Hey, at least her video footage is mite more interesting to look at.


If George W. Dunderhead has succeeded in lowering the bar for any black-sheep trust-fundian screw-up with a powerful papa in politics to have a clear shot at being leader of the free world, then Sarah has certainly out-limboed the former Commander-in-Puppet by shattering the glass basement for both women and humanity alike.

Good thing Rupert Murdoch snatched her up.

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