Top Ten Alternate Punishments for the Iraqi Shoe Thrower
So the Iraqi journalist Muntadhar al-Zeidi was finally sentenced this week to three years in prison for throwing his loafers at U.S. President George W. Bush during a press conference (and missing!). While his lawyers are busy filing an appeal, many critics are in an uproar as to whether the punishment fits the crime. As an official mediator for the new Middle East Peace Initiative (MEPI)--established five minutes ago during a hyper-caffeinated reverie in my one-bedroom walk up in the heart of Elmhurst, Queens (Facebook Fan Page forthcoming, folks)--I am personally proposing the following possible alternative punitive measures:
1. Two years of indentured servitude as Dubya's personal bootblack...and reading tutor.
2. Must walk barefoot anywhere he travels within the Middle East (no exceptions for piping hot sand, camel dung or depleted uranium dust).
3. From this point onward will only be allowed to report on discounted footwear (the dreaded Payless Beat).
4. Forced to work four years as an underpaid laborer at an undisclosed Nike Indonesian sweatshop as a gofer for underage co-slave workers (get coffee, change diapers, sweep up severed phalanges).
5. Obliged to lend his tootsies, at will, to any charitable Foot Fetish Galas (expected to show up in formal leather choker, spiked armlets and chain-link leash).
6. Five-year cobbler apprenticeship with Daniel Day-Lewis, in exchange for character study which will culminate in his portrayal in the forthcoming Martin Scorsese biopic: "Shoe Missed Me": Muntadhar al-Zeidi's Dark Sole. Leonardo DiCaprio will play Dubya (because of the instant Green Light not his undercooked acting chops).
7. Required to serve as a freelance foot fungus scraper/taster for various third-world podiatrists/witch doctors.
8. Expected to register and participate in an accredited Shoe-Throwing Anger Management Course where he will learn to sublimate his misguided shoe-chucking urges into wholesome non-violent activities such as basket-weaving, baking, poetry or perhaps even indignant Op-Ed pieces.
9. Has to complete compulsory training until he no longer "throws like a girl" and learns how to aim properly.
10. Is awarded Nobel Peace Prize.
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Daoud Kuttab: The Challenge of Arab Journalists and Gaza
The absence of international journalists from the streets of Gaza allowed Israeli spokespersons to spin the rational of the war mostly unopposed.
Medea Benjamin: The Iraqi Shoe-Thrower Should be Pardoned
Insulting someone in power is a legitimate form of non-violent resistance. The harm that could be inflicted by a shoe cannot be compared with harm inflicted by an unwarranted occupation that has resulted in the deaths and displacement of millions of Iraqis.
Ray Hanania: Shoe Throwing Incident Exposes Western Failure to Understand Arab World
Muntandar al-Zaidi, the cameraman for al-Baghdadiya TV, threw his shoe at President Bush not as an act of violence, but because in Arab culture, that is in fact the ultimate form of protest.
James Freedman: Bush Shoe-Thrower Elicits Editorial Reactions
World Editorial Roundup for December 16, 2008.
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i vote for number 7, for sure, haha. or maybe he should just be forced to watch this video - http://www
I vote for numbers 9 and 10!
10 & 9 should be 1 & 2.
I vote for 10.
He should be allowed to get another turn.
Hope they're treating him like royalty in jail, the whole thing was unfair.
no he has been systematically tortured during the first weeks of his jailing and has broken ribs among other things. so much for a democratic iraq.
Nunber 9, definitely.
There was nothing wrong with his aim. What happened is he yelled at The Idiot allowing him to duck, otherwise it would have been a direct hit.
The guy needs a medal for doing what millions wanted to do.
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