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Wayne Besen

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In Obsession With Gays, 'Pro-Family' Groups Ignore Real Marriage Crisis

Posted: 05/27/11 11:44 AM ET

It seems that America could use a genuine pro-family movement instead of hate groups using "family values" as a cover for their anti-gay activities. According to the Census Bureau:

  • Married couples have dropped below half of all American households for the first time. Married couples represented just 48 percent of American households in 2010

  • Just a fifth of households were traditional families - married couples with children - down from about a quarter a decade ago, and from 43 percent in 1950
  • 37 states, plus the District of Columbia, in which married couples make up fewer than 50 percent of all households, up from just 6 states in 2000
  • Rising income inequality has divided American society, making college-educated people less likely to marry those without college degrees. Members of that educated group have struck a new path: they marry later and stay married. In contrast, women with only a high school diploma are increasingly opting not to marry the fathers of their children, whose fortunes have declined along with the country's economic opportunities.
  • 41 states showed declines in traditional households of married couples with children. In 2000, married couples with children were fewer than 20 percent of all households in just one state, plus the District of Columbia. Now they are fewer than a fifth in 31 states.

The statistics are quite telling and perverse. In the name of saving marriage socially conservative groups helped elevate anti-gay Republicans, which enacted policies that led to great income disparity -- which depresses marriage rates. Nice going, fundies!

This is similar to the way social conservatives try to cut funding to Planned Parenthood, which leads to unplanned parenthood and higher abortion rates. Or, how they promote abstinence-only programs in schools, which also backfire. It seems that right wing social engineering consistently boomerangs.

I think these new statistics are a good opportunity for "pro-family" groups to look in the mirror and realize that their politics have failed. Focus on the Family, the National Organization for Marriage and the Family Research Council have obsessed about gay families at the expense of traditional marriage. If they had bothered to pull their noses out of our bedrooms and averted their eyes from our keyholes, they might have noticed the problem.

James Dobson, Tony Perkins, Brian Brown, and Maggie Gallagher have no one to blame but themselves for the disintegration of marriage in America. They wasted (and continue to throw away) gobs of time and money harming LGBT people -- and ignored the challenges faced by the majority of working families.

Given the statistics and their professed aim to support families -- one can only conclude that the leadership of these groups has been misguided, blinded by anti-gay bigotry, addicted to the money from anti-gay direct mail campaigns, or simply incompetent.

It is time for Focus on the Family and other such groups to refocus. Working to destroy our families has done little to promote family life for the majority of Americans. If they are looking for something to do, consider this:

The nation's overall education spending grew at a slower pace in 2009 than at any other time in more than a decade, amid deepening state fiscal woes and flatter tax revenues, according to new census figures released Wednesday.

Less education = Less marriages. Now, "pro-family" groups -- stop gay bashing and get to work solving real problems.

 

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04:52 AM on 05/29/2011
because they are backed by war mongers and wall st hucksters who are trying to divert attention from their crimes.....i would venture to guess...

cheers, joe mustich, ct usa
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Neenerpuss
If you cant laugh at yourself...someone else will
03:07 PM on 05/28/2011
Marriage equality is about women's equality as well.

If a man and a woman gets married they are equals....or so they say.

That should mean that a man and a man or a woman and a woman should also be able to get married because the word equal means equal value. Men and woman qualify for marriage as an equal person.

That is of course a man and a woman are equal to begin with. I believe that is not the case. That is why more women opt not to marry. They cultivate a career and can support themselves and are not dependant on a man.

The same goes for woman's reproductive rights. Men are dictating a woman's choice, or lack of support of a choice. Only a woman knows the circumstances that brought her to the choices she makes.
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AAKAlan
Web Developer, photographer, artist, old fart.
09:29 AM on 05/28/2011
Exactly right, thanks Wayne!
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Luanne Taylor
be an OTHER
09:17 AM on 05/28/2011
good stuff Sir! hope many read this...as soon as the Planned Parenthood attacks began I thought they are just asking for a boom in abortions....do NOT tell us how to deal with our family values.
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banana republican
Next in line for crumbs from the King's Table
08:58 AM on 05/28/2011
The importance of marriage as a social institution is being severally diminished by a number of things. The high divorce rate is one. The notion that gay relationships should be regarded as the equivalent of heterosexual marriages is most certainly another.
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BeninOakland
Don't tell me you love me. Let me guess.
01:45 PM on 05/28/2011
why?
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Ioan Lightoller
Proud Gay Pagan Man, Living Happily With Husband
12:55 AM on 05/31/2011
Notice, they throw out these one liners and never elaborate? No wonder it's so hard to take them seriously. They have to come up with ANY excuse to rail against marriage equality.
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KaraC
Trans lesbian, atheist and humanist
11:18 PM on 06/01/2011
It's called proof by blatant assertion. Note the total absence of any evidence to back up the supposed causal link between the decline of marriage and the "notion that gay relationsh­ips should be regarded as the equivalent of heterosexu­al marriages".
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GirlFriday123
We all live downstream.
08:44 AM on 05/28/2011
If the only thing keeping my husband by my side is the fact that my two gay friends are not allowed to marry each other, then our marriage has a lot bigger problems going on.
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Strings55
A scoundrel still loved by Jesus
07:23 AM on 05/28/2011
Isn't the Census Bureau info you're citing survey rather than records based? Just askin'
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Luanne Taylor
be an OTHER
09:26 AM on 05/28/2011
I would think the Census would be considered data/records in HUGE numbers...
surveys (or polls) consist of a tiny populace interviewed and often within certain groups, the NRA would poll NRA members, the RNC would poll republicans, very deceiving. Next time you read about some poll, click on the link to see the poll stats, often it will say things like...66% of Americans think this, then you find they questioned 2500 people on whatever the issue, that is not enough people to apply to an entire nation... just my opinion here
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Juiceman1982
Don't hate me because I'm right
09:33 AM on 05/28/2011
Luanne, let me guess. You have never taken a course in statistics and probabilities.
02:47 AM on 05/28/2011
Too many today see no point to marriage.

In my own family....quite a few of the younger generations see no reason to get married.
**Cheaters will cheat and unhappy people will leave.
**Divorce is expensive.
**There is a lot less financial incentive (especially for women) than there was years ago with a male breadwinner only.
**Many have lost respect for marriage.
**Etc.

The religious right can preach about marriage all they want.....
and yes some people respect and want marriage.....
but if marriage offers few advantages over living together.....
people are more likely not to bother with marriage!

****BTW....strong long lasting family units....(as an example) husband, wife, and kids are GOOD for a society/country.
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AAKAlan
Web Developer, photographer, artist, old fart.
09:30 AM on 05/28/2011
Isn't it ironic that people who really DO want to get married, LGBT Americans, are NOT allowed to!
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Jeffrey Marks
09:31 AM on 05/28/2011
Do you have any citations to back up that last statement that husband, wife and kids are good?
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Juiceman1982
Don't hate me because I'm right
09:44 AM on 05/28/2011
Can someone form an opinion based on personal observation? Or is that not allowed?
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GeorgeBurnsWasRight
My micro-bio is running on empty.
11:55 PM on 05/27/2011
I'm not sure that if these folks turned their attention to heterosexual marriages it would help, as their model for marriage is very outdated - the man is in charge of everything, like the CEO of a company.
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Nick9075
11:42 PM on 05/27/2011
Rising income inequality has divided American society, making college-educated people less likely to marry those without college degrees.

Is that the reason?? I thought it was the constant 'What will my so called "Friends" think of me if I dared do that' (married or even associated with someone without a college degree or not in the same socioeconomic stata). You can also say that upper class people from money are less or not likely at all to marry someone from a middle class or worse a lower middle class background today (except for maybe the White Male, Asian Female thing)
10:47 PM on 05/27/2011
This article's focus on gay bashing ignores another failure of conservative social engineering and it's the heartless separation of families in which one or more members are undocumented. You can count those dissolved families by the thousands, creating a whole underclass of "immigration orphans" and "immigration widows", families that, in most cases, lost their main bread-winner, condemning them to deeper misery or worse, needing to resort to welfare. Mexican bashing had backfired too.
And you might think "Focus on the Family" is about preserving traditional families... Their silence is the shame they will drag to the not-heaven where they're going.
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Hiddenfangs
Four legs good, two legs bad
10:33 AM on 05/28/2011
If someone knowingly marries someone here illegally, then they should expect to be torn apart. When you marry someone who is knowingly breaking the law, you should know that person may go to prison, be deported, etc. In other words, if you know, you have no reason to whine about it. Have the undocumented apply to immigrate. No law is preventing anyone from applying. It's hardly comparable to LGBT people--LGBT people can't even sponsor their legal spouses. Heck, LGBT people aren't even protected legally from job, housing, or other types of discrimination.
10:40 PM on 06/12/2011
Hiddenfangs writes: "Have the undocument­ed apply to immigrate. No law is preventing anyone from applying."
The undocumented cannot apply to immigrate. The law that prohibits them of doing that is the current sacred US Immigration Law. This is one of the reasons a reform of the law is a necessity.
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obtusegoose
aka David in the O.C.
10:28 PM on 05/27/2011
"Just a fifth of households were traditional families - married couples with children."

That statistic makes me really angry. You hear these conservative politicians and so-called "family values" organizations going on and on about the sanctity of marriage, and how children need a mommy and a daddy. You'd think they were talking about the majority of Americans. When in reality, they're only talking about 20% of populous. The other 80% are either single, or shacking up with each other. But of course "the gays" are the problem, not the 30% that are religiously "living in sin". Suffice it to say, I'm sick of the hypocrisy.
02:57 AM on 05/28/2011
The religious, conservatives....WANT to go back to an era that may be gone forever....or at least won't be back in their (our) lifetime.

I have seen lots of changes in attitudes and behavior over the years.
Some good and some bad (to me).

We who are now living will probably never see a return to the norms of the 1950's in marital and family behavior.

And too many can NOT accept the changes.
They demand what they can't have and try to force others to do their bidding.

*****For example......

If birth control is harder (economically) to get....and abortion is outlawed....they hope to stick women back in the home, with a gang of kids, unable to work, and dependent on a man (male breadwinner).

Male breadwinners only would be too busy and tired to challenge the politicians and oligarchs.
The women would also be too tired.
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Hiddenfangs
Four legs good, two legs bad
10:34 AM on 05/28/2011
The 1950s were not normal by any sense. The 1950s were an aberration.
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cwebster
predominantly exasperated
09:44 PM on 05/27/2011
...or there could be a far more terrifying prospect...

Look at this...especially 2,3, and 5

http://www.rense.com/general37/char.htm
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wernerholm
pushing buttons
09:32 PM on 05/27/2011
Want to protect marriage? BAN DIVORCE!
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crowepps
10:00 PM on 05/27/2011
Oh, please, don't encourge this solution. They are already attempting to make it more difficult for their women to escape.
10:51 PM on 05/27/2011
Who is THEY and how are THEY making it difficult for women to escape? I will assume you are talking about abusive relationships.
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Ioan Lightoller
Proud Gay Pagan Man, Living Happily With Husband
04:25 AM on 05/31/2011
The law could be changed and provide provisions for abused women to be able to divorce.
03:05 AM on 05/28/2011
It doesn't work in real life.

In some Latin American countries, divorce is very hard to get.....they are mostly Catholic.

Do you know what happens?

Married couples separate....and each spouse usually forms a new relationship and acts married even though s/he can't get legally married.

BTW....people can have kids from their first legal marriage....and kids from subsequent non-legal common law marriage(s).

You didn't think a lack of divorce makes unhappy people stay together if they want out?
Did you?
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Freddie27
Liberal Gay Jewish Atheist
08:45 PM on 05/27/2011
Let the gays get married so they can repair the mess heteros have made of it
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Mikeygr
09:36 AM on 05/28/2011
Thanks for the compliment but I think not! LOL