On the Tuesday after the shocking attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando I made a rainbow ribbon to wear to show solidarity with the victims and their loved ones. I've been wearing my rainbow ribbon since then and I've come to realise a few things.
I live and work in London and on the train home from work on Tuesday I was stood up in a very cramped carriage when I noticed a woman smiling at me. I smiled back but felt a bit weird as it looked as though she really wanted me to see that she was smiling at me. She then clearly glanced down at my ribbon then back up at me and smiled again. I smiled back again but this time with a genuine warmth because I knew. She wanted me to know that she understood.
I've walked around London this week assuming that everyone thinks I'm gay when they see my rainbow ribbon. I know deep down that this might not actually be the case, that people may assume I'm an ally of the community, but it's made me realise something. I used to want the people I walked by in the street to think I was straight. I really did. Now I don't. I stand in the presence of a group of men (whose sexuality I don't know) in a shop and I want them to see my rainbow ribbon and I want them to know I'm gay. I have honestly never felt that way before and I've been out and happy for 14 years.
After standing with my community and our supporters (up to 20,000 of us) on Monday night in Soho at our city's vigil for Orlando, I gained a new sense of belonging and a fresh sense of empowerment.
I feel safer now than I ever have.
I feel braver now than I ever have.
I feel I want to come out to complete strangers because I want them to know I belong to that community, the community that turned out in their thousands to show love for Orlando.
I have a renewed sense of who I am and how my identity is so important to me.
I am a crier. I've cried more this past week than I have in years.
Being gay DOES define me -- completely, and it always will.
I've been affected by the events of last weekend in ways I can't begin to explain and I think has changed me forever.
We, the LGBT+ community, will always be seen as 'different', and that's OK.
I have so many straight friends who completely 'get it', who understand why this has hurt our community and they should be proud to call themselves allies.
The thing I've realised more than anything though is that love is the answer.
@waynedavid81