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How to Lose an Argument With a 5-Year-Old

02/03/2014 03:29 pm ET | Updated Apr 05, 2014
Wendi Aarons

Jack, would you please stop arguing with your brother?

I'm not arguing with him.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

(sigh) OK, see what you did there? You just started another argument.

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

No, I didn't.

Yes, you... Ohhhh, you're good. But I am SO not going to take your bait, man.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm... STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE!!

No, I'm not.

Oh, my God. Listen, if I wanted to argue with a crazy person all day I'd call my freak college roommate and tell her I believe in the theory of evolution.

No, you wouldn't.

Yes, I... AUGH!!! KNOCK IT OFF! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Yes, you can.

Listen to me closely, mister. From this point on, you will no longer argue with anyone. I want you to act like a big boy. In fact, I want you to act like the most important guys in the world do. These are the guys who never, ever argue.

Who are they?

They're called "Yes Men." And they work at every major corporation and government agency in America.

(Long, thoughtful pause.)

No, they don't.

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