Today I decided to be powerful. I began by having a stare down with my scale. For months, I've been afraid to face off against that little bitch. She just sits there in the bathroom, looking all intimidating. When I have been brave enough to step up... she'd flash one of those numbers that made me feel instantly defeated. I'd recoil (and then go un-foil a Pop Tart).
This morning, however, I was down two whole pounds! Now, this is nowhere near fighting weight (especially considering my goal is to look like a Ring Girl). But at least I'm acting more like a contender. I also decided to give up "snack" talk and replace it with "smack" talk. If I'm going to have to stare down at that little bathroom bitch every morning... I'm going to show her who's boss. Today I told her, "One of these day, I'm NOT going to crush you!" (and I used a very intimidating tone).
With my walk-out music playing in my head (currently, it's Katy Perry's "Roar"), I put on my robe and strutted into the kitchen. I've come to think of this place as my personal boxing ring, where each day I have to "duke it out" against bad foods that are chanting my name. Lucky for me, I have some good girlfriends in my corner who like to shout out diet tips. It's nothing I haven't had heckled at me before: Less fat! More protein! Cut the carbs! Eat your veggies! But this time, instead of just dancing around the issue, I'm taking a swing at this healthy eating thing. I also believe in order to become a knock out, it takes the basic one-two punch: Eat less and exercise more.
Speaking of exercise, there is something to be said about the power of Pilates. Over the years, I've bought into the workout videos and even thought about purchasing my own Pilates machine, called the "reformer." I decided against it when I realized it cost thousands and was in NO way going store neatly underneath my bed (next to my Thigh Master and Ab Carver). A couple of years back I even paid for a month of private Pilates instruction. I spent a lot of time upside down on another kind of Pilates machine known as the Cadillac. When I realized I could actually BUY a Cadillac for the price I was paying for private instruction, I quit.
Then, my coworker at KTLA, Lu Parker (former Miss USA) told me about this Power Pilates class she was taking in West Hollywood. It's a group class, which cost around 15 bucks a session -- and it lasts only 40 minutes. 40 minutes? I can do anything for 40 minutes, right? Wrong. I could barely move the day after my first class. Power Pilates worked ab muscles I didn't even know I had.
What I would also come to find out is that this Pilates studio in particular was owned by THE Power Pilates guru, Sebastian Lagree. He's long been the go-to guy for celebrities and top athletes and is best known for taking the old fashioned Pilates machine and transforming it into a black contraption he calls the Megaformer (it's like the old machines, on steroids). There are straps and springs and a carriage that you push and pull back and forth with resistance (and I'm not just referring to my attitude). Everything about this machine, including its name, is intimidating... but it works. Muscles get stronger, legs get leaner, butts get firmer.
You think it would be simple to find 40 minutes a day to do exercises called the "wheel barrel" and "scrambled eggs." But it was always easier for me to find the time to eat scrambled eggs than it was to do the damn class. However, if Sebastian Lagree was willing to change the face of Pilates, the least I could do is drag my behind to classes more often. Leslie Karpman was teaching the 7:15. She's a petite blonde who can kick your butt. I doubt if she's ever had an extra ounce on her body, and yet she weighed in on what I consider a very heavy subject. Between sets she shouted, "I don't just want to me skinny, I want to be strong!"
Me too. Strong enough to stare down a scale! More powerful than a fridge full of fattening foods! And able to leap onto a Pilates machine in a single bound (and stay there for at least 40 minutes).
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