Daniel Murphy: Lifestyles of the Gay and Not So Famous

03/06/2015 01:50 pm ET | Updated Feb 02, 2016

Daniel Murphy of the New York something or other recently made a comment that he is against the "gay lifestyle" 100 percent. I have to tell you it made me feel a little disgusted and here is why. First, aren't athletes supposed to give it one hundred and TEN percent? And secondly, this whole gay lifestyle thing sounds so decadent and hedonistic and sinful, like a two thousand calorie dessert and here I am gay and living my boring little life, paying my children's college bills, remaining faithfully married to my husband and taking out the trash. Clearly, I have missed out on the lifestyle I was entitled to.

Somewhere along the way, I made a choice to love men, just as Daniel Murphy made a choice to become a professional athlete. We're pretty much the same. We both get undressed and shower with other men, except his lifestyle affords him fancy cars, big homes, six figure salaries and adoring fans. What do I get? One lousy, committed and loving husband, five kids and big expenses.

I'm joking, of course. I didn't make a choice to love men. I made a choice to love one man and if I'm being completely honest, it was less of a choice and more of an inescapable conclusion. Love finds us. We do not find love. But the fact remains that my lifestyle falls short of the hyped up one that Mr. Murphy and many other religious zealots would ascribe to me.

Unless of course, it is not the lifestyle they are referring to, but the man on man sex? Then, yes, I've got that in spades. It is only with one man, but there is that whole "man shall not lie with man" thing in the bible, so I guess he's got me there. But what about all of the other no-no's mentioned in the bible?

Remember to keep holy the lord's day: I've spent a few Sundays watching baseball. It's nice to sit back and relax, maybe pop open a cold one. But, now that I think about it, I can't really enjoy it anymore because all of these athletes are working on the Sabbath and committing sins and not just any sin, but breaking one of the Ten Commandments!

You shall not steal: Well, I think you know where this is going. Not only do baseball players work on the Lord's Day, but they are constantly sneaking around trying to steal second, third or home base. There is no caveat in the bible. It's quite clear, "Thou shall not steal."

1 Timothy 10: For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils: In 2013, the average salary for an MLB player was $3.39 million. There is room for a lot of evil in all of those zeroes.

Proverbs 24:17-18: Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles, lest the Lord see it and be displeased, and turn away his anger from him: Mm-hmm.

I could keep going on, but I think the Bible is pretty clear. The lifestyle of a professional athlete is sinful. But I still love them.

So Mr. Murphy, it's not the "gay lifestyle" that you are uncomfortable with, because my lifestyle is pretty much the same as every other hard working American. The real issue you have is with men loving other men. Maybe you find it icky in the same way that I find chewing and spitting tobacco and adjusting yourself to be gross. I'm OK with that. You certainly have a right to your opinion, but let's make a deal. You can say that you are 100 percent against same sex relations and I'll say that I am one hundred and TEN percent for them (because I leave nothing on the field), but let's drop the whole "lifestyle" thing. It only makes you sound ignorant and we all know that couldn't be true.

William Dameron's personal blog is The Authentic Life