Cable News Networks Ban Actual News

Flush from the success of their mostly news-free coverage of the 2008 presidential campaign, the major news networks have directed anchors and correspondents to refrain from traditional news reporting and focus on what they do best -- glitz, opinion, "happy talk," sarcasm and stating the obvious.

"Newspapers are dying and audiences growing more impatient with so-called "objective journalism," says one insider. "Why should we follow such a failed business model?" A leaked memo from CNN president Jonathan Klein praised network stars like Wolf Blitzer for "getting it."

"We don't want viewers to feel ignorant or unaware of information some TV reporter says is 'important,'" the memo says. "When Wolf Blitzer says "you're in the Situation Room" or he's part of the "best political team on television" every 24.5 seconds he is projecting a reassuring air of stability, and when he announces an upcoming interview with a newsmaker he is careful to show only a few seconds of the footage at any one time, and then immediately shift to a correspondent to ask, "what do you make of that?"

The new policy quantifies and rewards the new approach with specific guidelines. At both CNN and MSNBC, rules are in place to play to correspondents' strengths such as eye-rolling, giggling, personal comments, interrupting guests and talking about the weather. Network insiders point to the skill of correspondents like Mika Brzienski, Campbell Brown, Keith Olbermann and others who keep their focus on themselves and avoid what focus groups have called "boring facts."

"Broadcasts will be monitored to ensure that the risk to viewers of being exposed to something they don't already know is eliminated or kept to a minimum," the CNN memo says. A similar document from MSNBC announces the introduction of "laugh meters" to rate programming and directs all correspondents to continue the practice refined in recent years of beginning every report after being introduced with a vacuous comment from a news anchor with the words, "you're absolutely right."

"We're abolishing ambiguity," an MSNBC executive told advertisers at a recent corporate retreat. "In these uncertain times, it's up to us to project certainty and dependable light-hearted banter."

"If someone wants to see actual news," the executive continued, "they can watch C-Span -- or the bloody BBC."

Comments

[Bamboo]

Nice one, Mr. Klein. There's so much truth here I imagined its was real.
I believe it was Adlai Stevenson who was assured that as a presidential candidate he would get the vote of every thinking person in America. He responded that he actually needed a majority of voters to win.
Nowadays, the cable news networks would erase even the minority of thinkers among us.
Long live the electronic media!

[Estreet1964]

I couldn't believe this quote: "Broadcasts will be monitored to ensure that the risk to viewers of being exposed to something they don't already know is eliminated or kept to a minimum," the CNN memo says.

God forbid that a news program actually, um, I don't know.....INFORM PEOPLE! News operations continually dumb down their product and then they wonder why their numbers keep going down.

Any legal eagles out there know if a news organization can be sued for false advertising for calling their product "news"?

This quote was another beauty: "We're abolishing ambiguity," an MSNBC executive told advertisers at a recent corporate retreat. "In these uncertain times, it's up to us to project certainty and dependable light-hearted banter."

"If someone wants to see actual news," the executive continued, "they can watch C-Span -- or the bloody BBC."

UNBELIEVEABLE!

[FabulousAt52]

This can not be a 'real' news story...... can it?

Please Mr Klein, if you are going to pull our leg(s) through satire and wit, either make it a *little* more obvious, or toss in a few winking smiley faces near the end, OK?

I'm still not sure if this story is legit or not. If you compare the information to the reality of cable news as we are getting it today... well, it's all quite plausible!

[William Klein - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks to you and other readers who wondered if my post was truth or satire. I consider that a compliment! There's often such a thin line between the two it's hard to tell the difference. Tom Lehrer said that political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm not quite there yet, but I see his point!

[Hopeington]

Wow is right, just when I was getting to kinda like these guys. Thanks for the heads up so I can go back to PBS, community tv and , oh yeah, c-span. My 23 year old son was sitting at the computer a couple days ago and looked up at me and said, Ya know they're not saying anything, right? Good thing I've discovered online news and can make my own choices, cuz I believe this is the truth and I glad I don't have to waste time figuring it out.

[Yermammy]

They certainly do. Like the fact that 90% of Liberals want Bush and Cheney Impeached and or Convicted for War Crimes. Corporate Media will not tell you that.

[Inthematrix]

Wow...I don't know if I should take this as a joke or take it seriously! Either way, its still sad. Good thing I don't rely on MSNBC, CNN, or FOX NEWS for information!!
http://inthematrix.wordpress.com/2008/11/14/goodbye-dubya/

[fungus]

People still watch TV?

[InofTouch]

I laugh because at what point do we start blaming the audience because I feel this is like when people say in general that they hate reality programing and yet the genre get big time ratings.

I alright to blame the source but that dosen't mean people will listen and BTW I too would like to see these memo...I mean after all we argue when the mainstream dosen't show it infomation...I think the same should apply to everyone as well.

[edg1]

Mission accomplished. The dumbing down of the American populace is complete. Kang and Kodos can now complete their takeover of planet Earth.

[DrEight]

That's great. I have always worried about Americans feeling ignorant or uninformed after being presented with information they were previously unaware of. News programs are filled with far too much boring information that they just expect the viewer to know (such as the location of New York or the name of the president) and they really need to be dumbed down so we all feel smarter. That's exactly what the school system did and look how great that is working out!

[Candyland]

So once again, the important stuff (actual news) is delivered to people who can pay for it. Want to be well informed? Subscribe to cable tiers with BBC. Sick. Just part of the dumbing down of America. The media is every bit as complicit as the Dept of Education.

[RealityBaseCamp]

They didn't really say all that . . . but they meant it! Actually a little news leaks through no matter what they do.

[Sir681]

I don't know if I've ever read Mr. Klein's articles before, but I dearly hope that this is a satire.

[AverageTodd]

Very good satire, too. Because, with every word I read, I was thinking, "Yup, of course. Sure, it figures."

I guarantee you that focus groups talk about "boring facts."

[LoRiseAntlers]

Sounds about right.The corporate media decided quite a while back that it was going to do it's level best to turn America into the Land Of The Stupid,and,I must say,it appears to be going just about as planned.

[propitiousmoment]

Watch the bloody BBC's ratings skyrocket. At least in the thinking persons' market.