As the campaign manager for Murray Hill Inc., the first corporation to run for federal office following the Supreme Court ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Elections Commission, I am pleased to announce that we are now offering franchise opportunities to other corporations that want to run for Congress.
We believe that it's not enough for corporations to have the right to buy unlimited power, impunity and direct authority over democracy. If we are to truly control politics to the utmost of our market-driven potential, we must own a monopoly.
That's why Murray Hill Inc. is looking beyond our own campaign to be the first "corporate person" to run for Congress and is actively recruiting other businesses to buy into this emerging market.
Murray Hill Inc. has prepared step-by-step tool kits for corporations to use in their own Congressional campaigns, under the rubric of the Murray Hill Inc. "brand." The tool kits include a model press release, franchise overview, media outreach guidelines, talking points and templates for campaign materials.
"If your campaign conforms to Murray Hill Inc.'s exacting standards," the franchise announcement says, "your materials may use our logo and official graphics, which tell the world you are an affiliate of the leader in corporate civil rights."
We believe this is an idea whose time has come. Who wouldn't support such a patriotic, principled effort to put democracy back into the hands of the interests best suited to the arrogance of power -- America's great corporations.
But unbelievably, there are some who do question our purpose. One comment on our YouTube video said,
"This is the most UN American thing to ever happen in this country. Just wait till its' (sic) foreign companies doing this and they will buy our elections. I hope this company fails completely in every venture they try. Corporate Communists!"
Combating prejudice and bias against corporate persons is one of the primary motivations behind Murray Hill Inc.'s run for office. Anti-corporate bigotry has no place in our great democracy. Our forefathers lived and died for the inalienable rights of every person, human and corporate, to pursue life (or its corporate equivalent), liberty and the pursuit of happiness (or profit).
Indeed, the individual rights of corporations has long been established. As far back as August, 2001, the Global Policy Forum put it this way:
Corporations Are People Too
They may not have human feelings, they may be bloodless and soulless, but in the eyes of the law they are 'persons' with many of the same rights as flesh-and-blood humans. Corporations can claim, for example, the right to freedom of speech, the right to sue, the right to 'enjoyment of possessions' (problematic in planning and environment law). They even have a number of advantages over ordinary people - specifically, corporations can be in two or more places at once (so cannot be jailed) and can divide themselves to dodge liability for their crimes. It is normal, for example, to transfer ownership of a dangerous cargo to a distant subsidiary while the cargo is at sea, so the parent company is not liable if it causes a toxic spill. Also, corporations are ruthless in claiming their rights - after all, they can afford the best lawyers.
The first corporation to enter into a franchise agreement with Murray Hill Inc. is Computer Umbrella Inc. of Sterling, Virginia. Computer Umbrella's own Designated Human, Jonathan Stewart, is charting the corporation's run for U.S. Congress in Virginia's 10th District.
"We are proud to embrace the Murray Hill Inc. Brand," Stewart says. "From steel to silicon, it's America's entrepreneurs who find and exploit the new markets. The democracy market in Washington DC today looks like Silicon Valley 30 years ago. CUI wants to position itself as early leader in this emerging market along with Murray Hill Inc."
Murray Hill Inc. believes that the current economy is creating an opportune moment for corporations seeking more independence, profit, and unchecked power.
"It's a Lifestyle decision," Murray Hill Inc. says. "Being part of the Murray Hill Inc. family of corporate candidates means that you will enjoy the freedom and control of owning your own democracy. The lifestyle you would have as a franchisee is entirely up to you. Pass as many tax breaks, loopholes and earmarks as you want--or simply benefit from the collective dedication of your fellow power brokers and influence peddlers."
So if you are a corporate person yourself, or one of the designated humans who love them, go to the Murray Hill Inc for Congress website and click on "franchise opportunities." And be sure to catch up on our YouTube video, Facebook page, or the coverage in the New York Times, Salon, Newsweek, The Atlantic Wire, the Huffington Post, Daily Kos and numerous news sites and blogs.
You can also see my appearance on MSNBC's Dylan Ratigan show, Designated Human Eric Hensal's interview on the Thom Hartmann show, and our other media appearances, including the Alan Colmes show and even Russian TV!
Friends, as Arlo Guthrie has observed, before too long, bold statements like ours can blossom into something bigger:
"You know, if one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and they won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them. And if three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.
And that's what it is, the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the guitar.
Or run for Congress. With feeling.