The Encyclical of the High Table

Now that the Catholic Church, in proclaiming its Ten Commandments for Drivers, has taken to the highways, could restaurants, whether on the road to Damascus or to Napa, be the Vatican's next targeted sphere of regulation?

In the last year we went around the world in a hundred meals to do our new book Everybody Eats There: Inside the World's Legendary Restaurants. That was a journey replete with religious experiences, none of which were in churches. Still, our mission statement was Biblical: Man does not live by food alone. The restaurants on our global A-List were distinguished, not merely by foie gras and uni, but by our own Holy Trinity of food, fun, and fame. In Madrid, for instance one foodie's epiphany may be the roast sucking pig at Hemingway's beloved Casa Botin, while another's might be just down the ancient calle at Casa Lucio, watching Bill Clinton and David Beckham eating like pigs, wolfing down Lucio's haute-diner scrambled eggs mixed with (Spanish) French fries. The idea is taking communion with the Pope himself (St. Peter's, Rome), or at least the gods of celluloid (Giorgio, LA), the kings of the sea (Kyubei, Tokyo), the sultans of swing (Savoy Grill, London), or even the lords of Flatbush (Peter Luger, Brooklyn).

To aid the Vatican in its newly secular regulatory zeal, we thought that an encyclical of our own might be in order. After all, these incredible restaurants aren't called temples of gastronomy for nothing. So here are our rules for getting to the church on time, getting the right pew, and making sure the high holy man is there to help you get to (hog) heaven:

Everybody Eats There's Ten Commandments of Fine Dining

1. No chef is a prophet outside his own country. God bless the multi-culti kitchen, but your best bet is still sushi prepared by a Japanese master or an Italian feast cooked con amore by a grandmother from Firenze or a capo from Roma.

2. Thou shalt follow the leader. If the head chef is off, so should you be.

3. Covet thy neighbor's table. But the only way to get it is to know why Brad and Angie are sitting there, and you're not. Knowledge is power. Like dogs, restaurant staffs can tell when you're intimidated. Do your homework (by reading this book), then take charge and be specific, and dynamic, about what you want.

4. Thou shalt not nag. These restaurants have major pest control. Don't be too fussy, or they won't put up with you.

5. Honor thy seater, or, no pay, no play. It may seem unseemly to tip the maitre d', but money does talk -- loudly.

6. The sun also rises. The early bird catches the table. Dine before 7 in LA, 8 in NYC, and you're less likely to cool your Manolos at the bar, even with a confirmed reservation.

7. Sticketh to the classics. All these restaurants are famous for certain dishes. On your first visit, go with the tried and true, like the chicken at Ami Louis or the bratwurst at Kronenhalle. Once they know you, you can get experimental.

8. Dresseth for success. Hold the sackcloth and ashes. No sweats at the Four Seasons, but no ties at the Ivy. Trying too hard is gauche in an increasingly reverse chic casual world.

9. It is better to give than to receive, at least after two hours. Sweetly surrender your table to those endlessly waiting and have your coffee at the bar, and even Harry's Bar will love you forever.

10. The lord giveth and the lord taketh away. Check the check. Overcharging, double charging, and creative billing, even at the temples, are rampant.

By following these simple precepts you can make any restaurant your personal shrine. And may Nobu bless and keep you.