It's hoary December, so happy hols!
Wreaths of holly for decking the halls.
The end of 2011 is nigh,
So let's take a peek at the year gone by.
The USA's not AAA anymore,
(Thank our do-nothing Congress, let's show them the door.)
And that "super" committee? It needs a new name.
Not super. Not statesmen. Just a blame game.
The Grand Old Whatever needs a new leader
(But make no mistake: It won't be a reader!)
Bachmann and Perry (oops!) -- each squandered a turn
And Newt the historian, will he never learn?
Cain wasn't able, so the women say,
Will Santorum and Paul each get a day?
Huntsman shows up, he's hanging in there,
Is the money on Mitt? (He's the one with the hair.)
A continent's short, on credit and cash.
Will they toss the Euro in the Euro trash?
The land of Plato and Homeric lore
Is bartering with bankers for time (and more).
The Grinch stole football! Bah humbug and boo!
And Penn State students, hiss to you too.
No covering this up with Xs and Os
Even old JoePa -- say it ain't so!
Some jolly news! Arab Spring!
Bullies tumble and fortunes swing
From Tunis to Cairo to Tripoli's shore,
Mubarak, Gaddafi -- Will there be more?
Damascus is teetering. The end of a clan
Of Assads and castles built out of sand?
The year's best meltdown? Hands down, Charlie Sheen.
Kate's royal wedding, almost fit for a queen.
Go Gabby Gifford! Heroic grit!
(We'll forget the shooter, and Norway's misfit.)
Ditto bin Laden. Al-Qaeda reels.
Salutes for Obama and the Navy Seals.
Farewell Betty Ford, who made it okay
To talk about cancer and drugs and AA.
And Apple's Steve Jobs, uber gadgeteer,
Put Pads in our backpacks and Pods in our ears.
Goodbye Columbo, not one more thing,
And Amy Winehouse, no more licks to sing.
Jack LaLanne jumped his last jumping jack,
Kevorkian, unassisted, took an old-fashioned whack.
Mormons on Broadway, more on TV
(Not one but two in the GOP).
Prime time zombies! Is your crossbow ready?
The walkers are hungry. (How about a machete?)
Adele is rolling in the deep,
And Woody's in Paris, a minuit.
Hugo's 3-D mise en scene,
Moneyball whacked by Billy Beane.
Occupy Wall Street! We're the 99!
(But no tents in Zuccotti -- or you'll pay a fine.)
Pepper spray, storm troopers, dressed for a riot,
While Davis protestors stay peaceful and quiet.
Oh, State of Wisconsin, geez Louise!
Good thing you still got the Packers and cheese.
Trampled rights in the union hall
(Should Governor Walker face a recall?)
True crime! It only took 16 years
To nab Whitey Bulger, so G-Men, two cheers.
Casey Anthony walks, Strauss-Kahn too,
And News of the World: Did they eavesdrop on you?
The planet Earth rumbles, earthquake and flood,
Japan's still digging through tsunami mud
Refugees Down Under, Somalia too
Our prayers go out to all of you.
We're counting our blessings, and raising a toast
In whatever tradition we cherish the most.
Carolers' verses ring in our ears
And auld refrains, as we greet the New Year.