For most of my life, being a "woman's woman" always had some sort of negative attachment to it. I remember people saying women were too gossipy to hang out with, that they'd always stab you in the back in the end, that they were more of a "guy's girl" because female friends were too much trouble or that all of their close friends were males to avoid the "drama." Hearing this from so young, I figured I'd follow suit, and therefore I only had a few female friends.
Once I joined the military, this was enforced even more, as I quickly learned to try my hardest to fit into this male-dominated world - and for me that meant, hanging with the guys for the most part.
Once I had my daughter and left the military behind, I realized there was a huge gap in my life, and I was missing companionship and sisterhood. I didn't have anyone to set up play dates with, all of the friends I did make were sprawled all over the country from my time in the service, and because I'd spent so much time with men - I wasn't the best at even knowing how to make friends with women. I was craving sincere, honest, and reciprocal Sisterhood. I wanted friendships where we could connect and talk about more than clothes, guys, & gossip.
Not to mention, a lot of the relationships that I considered to be real friendships, were completely unhealthy and not fulfilling friendships. I found myself in one-sided friendships where I was constantly putting them first and it was rarely being reciprocated.
Although our experiences may be different, I know that there are tons of women craving this intimacy and friendship. And its scary to jump out on a limb and say "hey, wanna be friends?" But as I embarked on this journey of finding and creating real friendships, I had amazing experiences and I also experienced instances of pure hurt.
I went over all of these relationships, the great times and the hard times, and came up with the 6 things that every fulfilling and sincere friendship has:
1) Reciprocity
As much as you'd like someone to be there for you when you need them, you should also be signed up to be there for them when they need you. I've found that true friendships have reciprocity throughout - it's not a one-sided relationship. You're not always on the phone listening to their life problems and then not having anyone to talk to at the end of the day. You're both able to call on each other when in need. The support goes both ways.
2) Honesty
Friendship is all about honesty, and you want someone that is going to be truthful as much as you want to be able to be truthful as well. This is the foundation of a long lasting friendship. Being completely honest can sometimes be the hardest thing, because you're laying all of your cards out on the table and it can feel like you're creating an environment where you can be hurt. And you can be hurt. But learn to trust in your friendship choices, and you'll begin to enjoy how amazing it is to have friendships where you can be your honest and true self.
PS. This does not mean sharing every single thing you've ever been through. Just be true to you.
3) Judgment-free
It's really difficult to build trust in a friendship where you are being judged for everything you say and do. It's also really hard to be truly empathetic to your friend if you're in the judgment zone. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone's path is different - in a friendship, you want to be able to be yourself without worrying about being judged for the choices you did or didn't make. In a judgment-free friendship, you're both able to be honest and not have to worry about hearing sly remarks and comments that send you on a shame trip and back in your shell.
4) Trust
Trust is important for any of the other things on this list to exist - I like to think of trust as the glue. Without trust, your unable to be vulnerable enough in your friendship to actually rely on them, set boundaries, be honest, and have a relationship that is reciprocal. Building trust takes time but it's what creates a long-lasting friendship.
5) Boundaries
In some friendships, people will make you feel like you have to do something because "that's what real friends do." Not true and not accurate. True sisterhood and friendship will have firm & loving boundaries that protect the needs of everyone. You shouldn't be made to feel bad if you have to put yourself or your family first.
6) Reliability
On the same token as boundaries, you should be able to trust and rely on your friend. It hurts when you ask a friend for a favor or have a friend offer to help and then you end up being left empty-handed in the end. As the old saying goes, your word is your bond. Of course things will always come up and people may have to cancel, but if you find this to be a pattern in your friendship, reevaluate your friendship and ensure that it is working for both of you.
This list may seem dramatic, but it's one I hold near and dear and helps me to appreciate the friends I have even more and release friendships that aren't serving either of us. At the end of the day, no one is perfect and no friendship is perfect. But life is about creating connection and friendships to help you weather the storms that may come and enjoy the celebrations as well.
In short, there is nothing wrong with being a woman's woman - women rock. Create those friendships and enjoy your sisterhood time. And no matter what 'they' say - it's worth it.