Yvonne R. Davis

Yvonne R. Davis

Posted March 16, 2009 | 10:18 AM (EST)

Chris Brown And Now BeBe Winans! Black America Where Is the Outrage?

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Oh my! Another black man accused of smacking down another black woman. This time however, it is BeBe Winans. The Grammy Award winning Gospel Crooner in a mouth spat with his ex-wife is alleged to have pushed her to the ground. BeBe's altercation with his ex-wife is a reminder of Reverend televangelist Bishop Dr. Juanita Bynum who, in 2007 came close to meeting her death after suffering a near fatal attack at the hands of her estranged husband.

So now we have Chris Brown, BeBe Winans and of course behind the scenes hosts of other famous or not so famous brothers either beating down to the ground or beating up from the feet up black women. Black America, where is the outrage! Are you afraid to finally wash the dirty laundry that has been so publicly aired by our community to White Folks? You don't they think they know about our problems? Pulleeze!

It is interesting how the NAACP and Black Leaders can jump all over the racism that continues to prevail even with the election of a Black President, but when it comes to abuse perpetrated by black men against black women, we issue no statements, have no press conferences and seem to be silent on an issue that is destructive to our community and the larger society. How come the only Black person most vocal about this issue is Oprah Winfrey? How come the majority of the other people vocal about violence against Rihanna have been white women and the organizations they represent? How come black women as have not come together as a collective to say enough-is-enough?

As the collective we spoke about the racist New York Post and its stupid Monkey cartoon, but as a collective we have said nothing about abuse against black women! It is appears with President Obama and his wife Michelle in the White House, we are trying to take some sort of hiatus from a reality about a moral issue concerning the black family in America. A part of me can't blame us for wanting to enjoy the fact that the First Couple represents an important part of the African American family that really exists -- The Obamas are the Huxtables finally reified. However, the other reality is Chris Brown knocked us up side our heads when he maimed Rihanna. Still, all we can do is talk about Chris and Rhianna at home, in the barber shops, hair salons, church parking lots, school cafeterias, chicken shacks, offices and even in the clubs or bars.

There is an undercurrent attitude by a number of African American men that it is okay to set a woman straight or let her know who the boss is when she gets too crazy by pushing her or jacking her up against the wall. When a black woman gets loud and in a black man's face or pushes what he perceives to be his manhood too far, some black men feel they have to let her know who the man is by slapping her, kicking her, punching her or in some cases body slamming her while he calls her bitch and like Chris Brown too threatens to kill her. Sadly, there is also an attitude by some black women that it's best not to challenge a "brotha" too much or in other cases "she must have done something" to have caused a scene for the beat down.

In addition to having Tavis Smiley's State of the Black Union every February, we should have the State of the Black Family and what we have to do to stop this viscous cycle of violence in our community. Additionally, when Black Leadership really and once and for all decides to come together to deal head on with our problem, let us not only review the problem from the same old black perspective pathology that blames the white man, slavery or a cycle of violence black boys witness as their fathers or boyfriends beat their mothers and grow up to do the same. While these issues have played a significant role in the dilemma and must be counted towards the solution, it is certainly not all of it, and we must stop the excuses.

Finally, let us stop psychologically becoming dependent upon President Obama to speak on the issues we already know about. Yes, he is black, but he has the whole country and the world the deal with right now (which includes us). His plate is overflowing. As our economy continues to struggle and the black community feels the pain perhaps more than any other demographic in this country, social ills like physical abuse increase. Therefore, the best approach African American leadership can do is to pro-actively take personal responsibility for this issue and not look to Obama take any lead on what we can do for ourselves!

Oh my! Another black man accused of smacking down another black woman. This time however, it is BeBe Winans. The Grammy Award winning Gospel Crooner in a mouth spat with his ex-wife is alleged to have...
Oh my! Another black man accused of smacking down another black woman. This time however, it is BeBe Winans. The Grammy Award winning Gospel Crooner in a mouth spat with his ex-wife is alleged to have...
 
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- deschl I'm a Fan of deschl 10 fans permalink

domestic violence is not an exclusive black issue i am offended that you would allude to that as if we tolerate domestic violence we dont tolerate this anymore than we tolerate gun violence in our community they are both sadly ignored because of no media coverage by all black and white unless celebrities are involved.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 04:52 PM on 03/21/2009

Black women need to be socialised to a new order, in that black men must not get away with abuse,be it mental or physical. It is as simple as this. Gone are the days when black men feel they can just beat up on a woman and the woman must accept it!

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 03:01 PM on 03/21/2009

"Black females experienced domestic violence at a rate 35% higher than that of white females, and about 22 times the rate of women of other races. Black males experienced domestic violence at a rate about 62% higher than that of white males and about 22 times the rate of men of other races."

[Rennison, M. and W. Welchans. Intimate Partner Violence. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics.

Black men experience domestic abuse also at a rate of 62% higher than that of white males so I guess its safe to say that black women abuse their men at a rate of 62% higher then white women. Rihanna was 62% right when she said that she attacked Chris first and so that mean that both need counseling. Its not a one sided thing they both were wrong.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:20 PM on 03/17/2009

"Black females experienced domestic violence at a rate 35% higher than that of white females, and about 22 times the rate of women of other races. Black males experienced domestic violence at a rate about 62% higher than that of white males and about 22 times the rate of men of other races."

[Rennison, M. and W. Welchans. Intimate Partner Violence. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics.

Black men experience domestic abuse also at a rate of 62% higher than that of white males so I guess its safe to say that black women abuse their men at a rate of 62% higher then white women. Rihanna was 62% right when she said that she attacked Chris first and so that mean that both need counseling. Its not a one sided thing they both were wrong.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:03 PM on 03/17/2009
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We need to send a strong message to our daughters that we do not tolerate abuse. A man should never hit a woman, fullstop.

And we need to send a strong message to our sons that we do not tolerate abuse too. A woman should never hit a man, fullstop.

You cannot just send the message to young women and then give them permission to go out and abuse their boyfriends/ husbands.

The message must be sent out loud and clear, keep your hands to yourself and find other ways to communicate with your partner.

Chris Brown is a 19yr old kid and we as a community should be banding together to stop White America (CNN, FOX NEWS, ABC etc....) using this boy as a scapegoat.

i agree with mlr710, the media and public do not treat mass murderers the way they are treating Chris.

I cannot believe how people are reacting to this and no one cares that this is a boy, a boy who with therapy, guidance and with the help of the church could truly change his life around.

After he has completed therapy he could get out in the community and talk about domestic violence, help to bring light to it and help to put a stop to it.

That's where we as a black community could help him to bring a stop to this problem.

This boy has become a martyr and I do not remember people behaving like this over Ike Turner.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 04:27 PM on 03/17/2009
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Where was the outrage for these abusers and paedophiles:

* Mike Tyson still has a career (he's in a new comedy film)

* R Kelly, his album sales increased after his trial

* Michael Jackson, his concerts in London have sold out in hours

* Tommy Lee

* Josh Brolin

* Christian Slater

* Terence Howard, received an Oscar nomination but was charged with attacking his wife

* Bebe Winans

* Jay Z (as someone else mentioned) I watched the video on Youtube and it's appalling how no one held him back when he was attacking that woman.
Why is no one boycotting Jay Z or writing to the NAACP about his behaviour, he is a 30 something year old man. He should be setting an example to young guys like Chris Brown.

Another thing, sorry but if you are going to boycott Chris Brown's music then you better throw away or demand that your radio station throw away a few other artists cd's because he has written songs for other artists and he makes more money as a songwriter.

If you want to cut off his livelihood then you better get Rihanna's 'Disturbia' single off the charts because he wrote that song and he's probably made a good $3 million or more of it.

Boycotting his music is not the answer.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 12:48 PM on 03/17/2009
- Yvonne R. Davis - Huffpost Blogger I'm a Fan of Yvonne R. Davis 27 fans permalink

HereIstand,

You make a very strong point. It seems that it is almost pointless to speak about boycotts when there has not even been a precedent set on past situations. It goes very deep and this issue the more and more I read the various reply posts that this is a moral issue of choice and who African Americans want for the greater good of their community. Thank you for your point.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 03:33 PM on 03/17/2009

You need to have proof for all these people you're mentioning before you go throwing accusations out there.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 12:13 AM on 03/18/2009

I have reached out to the NAACP and the National Action Network (Al Sharpton's group)-- to at the very least make a statement that condemns Chris Brown's actions and sends a message that this type of behavior is completely unacceptable. Of course, I haven't received any response. As a long time member of the NAACP, I do feel that if they don't make some type of stand on this, I will revoke my membership. Chris Brown was an IMAGE award nominee for goodness sake--and I think they have a responsibilty to the black community to--especially the young community--that this is not acceptable.

I will continue to contact the Urban Justice League and other African American, Women and Domestic Violence centers to urge them to organize some type of boycott of Chris Brown's music for a period of time. I think a major boycott would give him the time he needs to focus on himself, and let other would be famous abusers know that the public will not mindlessly support them in cases of clear cut abuse.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:48 PM on 03/16/2009

Rejoiceinit,

Do you not think Chris deserves his day in court first before the NAACP and other organisations and black celebrities start issuing statements condemning what he did?

That is why so many black celebrities are not talking because he has not been convicted yet and they separate his music from his personal life.

You can boycott his music I don't know how that helps.

I paid good money for his two cd's and so did several members of my family and my friends. I will continue to play his music because I enjoy it and my local radio stations continue to play his music too, his music has nothing to do with his actions. His album sales have not suffered, he is still selling about 3000 copies a week so some people are able to separate the entertainer from the person with a personal life.

Don't get me wrong I am part of the 'twittermoms' community who started a petition to remove Chris and Rihanna from the Nickelodeon awards and now there are other communities who want Rihanna to be dropped as the face of Covergirl due to her actions.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:19 PM on 03/16/2009

cont......­..........­...

These two young stars are both victims and abusers and they both need serious help, support and love.
I wish Oprah had got on the phone and called Rihanna and Chris and offered them the help and support of some of her experts on her show, rather than announcing that Chris would hit her again.
Not all males are the same.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:19 PM on 03/16/2009

The fact that CB is an IMAGE award nominee does mean that the NAACP should reach out and make a statement. In my opinion, they should retract any nominations of BOTH artists.

I think we should boycott BOTH artists. Why should we go out and buy Rihanna albums, go to her concerts and buy brands she endorses when she tells millions of women around the world that it is okay for you to take back the male who pummeled you to the point of near unconsciousness?

To make this matter of domestic abuse into a matter of race seriously downplays the significance of the issue AND does a major disservice to the issue as a whole. If we only look at one fragment of the population of abused women, we will never see the real picture - women around the world are abused. Such an issue deserves INTERNATIONAL outcries and action - not just action from a specific racial group. To assume black communities must find the answers to this issue of abuse would almost assume that black communities would be the source of this problem in the first place. How about we start looking at the males who do abuse women - the Hispanics, blacks, whites, Asians etc, and see the commonalities between their upbringings and work as a united throng to ensure that future boys and girls are not "molded" the same way.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:56 PM on 03/16/2009



The thing is I did not remember hearing any outrage (but maybe i am wrong) when Jay Z was accused of hitting two women and one was caught on camera. No the one on camera was not quite the same as the Chris and Rihanna case.

It is on Youtube now titled: Jay-z Hit's a Female He is a hypocrite

Did anyone call the NAACP after they saw this video.

I am fed up of hearing people say Jay Z is after Chris Brown because Rihanna and him are like family. Jay Z signed her and that's it.

Jay Z has nothing to say to Chris when he is no better.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 11:03 PM on 03/16/2009
- Yvonne R. Davis - Huffpost Blogger I'm a Fan of Yvonne R. Davis 27 fans permalink

Paige,

You bring up very important points. We have to look at all of what you wrote. But you remember when "I Can Believe I Can Fly," R&B/Hip Hop superstar R. Kelly was charged and later cleared for having sex with an under age girl, his record sales actually went up and in an amazing way, he was praised by some sectors of the black community. There was no villification over what happened. And although in a court of law he was found not guilty, it still raises serious questions about his behavior, young girls, the objectification of women and a host of other family and moral issues.

He like Chris Brown have God-gifted voices. I have been a Chris Brown fan since he came on the scene, but for he and Rihanna, we have to pull back and not praise them for the moment. It does not mean we don't embrace them to help them or embrace them for growing and learning, but we don't reward bad behavior.

The NAACP may take a hands off position to appear not to look too controversial by artists for some reason. I can't really address this.

Concerning Latinos, African Americans, Whites and Asians in America on the issue of domestic abuse, it would be an interesting study. However, enough study shows in our community as well as the Latino community there is a serious problem. This of course does not discount whites or Asians and their abuse.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:26 AM on 03/17/2009
- Yvonne R. Davis - Huffpost Blogger I'm a Fan of Yvonne R. Davis 27 fans permalink

Rejoiceinit,

I want to bow to you and what you have done to reach out to our national organizations to get more than a response. The fact that you personally took the next big step as a member of these organizations is what we need in Black America. I too talked to NAACP members and leaders of various organizations and got similar responses. So, when I write articles, I am not just writing them from out of my head; I am checking things out.

There is a sexism that is pervasive in the Black community and it is an issue we don't want to deal with either. As one reply poster wrote, we hold up black men who are wrong out of some fear of saying that if we critique them we are putting them down. We are not. We must raise the bar in all areas not just one area - when whitey comes after us or the racism.

For example the Black community should be screaming about what is happening in Mexico that has a direct impact on our community. Drug sales and usage in the Northeast; particularly Connecticut is out of control in our urban centers. The US is the biggest customer of the Mexican Drug Lords. But we dont' look at the macro effect that impacts the micro - our13-14% population.

Yes, there are many variables to violence and drugs, but the fact is the end result - our community is suffering while many of us

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:24 AM on 03/17/2009

Yvonne--I could not agree with you more and I am so pleased to see someone finally addressing this. I spent some time last week calling Al Sharpton and the NAACP to make some type of statement; because I truly dread the message that this sends not only to young black women--but to all young people.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:28 PM on 03/16/2009

Chris needs us as a community to support him to go and get counselling, therapy, anger management classes and ask for God and Rihanna's forgiveness, then come back a better young man.

It is apparent that you want everyone on here to agree with your viewpoints alone.

By the time Chris comes out to speak (once the legal and political gag is removed) he will have already been convicted and disgarded by the vicious public.

I do not condone domestic/spousal violence at all, more importantly I do not condone women abusing men and expecting them not to react. CHRIS WENT WAY WAY TOO FAR BUT HE NEEDS TO EXPLAIN HIS ACTIONS IN COURT AND SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES.

I will support him in the future regardless what happens and what he does next.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:49 PM on 03/16/2009
- Yvonne R. Davis - Huffpost Blogger I'm a Fan of Yvonne R. Davis 27 fans permalink

Starshine13,

Thank you for your comments. It appears you want me to agree with you and your viewpoints alone as well. Your article reminds me of a white person who shows study showing the effects of reverse discrimination and/or how a "qualified" white man got overlooked for a job for an unqualified black woman; and uses this is as point ot justify ending Affirmative Action.

With that being said, Chris Brown deserves his day in court and he needs our support to help him. Chris Brown is a wonderfully talented and gift young man. It is heart breaking to me personally that this golden young man has this issue. Can he change and learn from this, of course! I hope so.

I support his comeback and I hope he can learn from this experience, but right is right and wrong is wrong.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:01 PM on 03/16/2009

Yvonne,

I do not want you to agree with my points. My points are just that, my points but as someone else pointed out you seem to want to change our minds and bring us around to your way of thinking.

I refuse to condemn this TEENAGE boy who is a little older than my son. I am angry at what he has Allegedly done but I am going to give him his day in court and what ever legal consequences he faces I will support that and I will continue to support him.

I have nieces and female cousins who adore Chris and they are devastated by the way the media and public are not giving him a chance to have his day in court and to share his side of the story. Especially since he was a perfect example of a polite, respectable and happy teenage boy.

I just think he does not need to be cruicified anymore, i am sure he gets it. According to his aunts radio interview he gets it loud and clear and it is killing him.

If he was my son I would not be able to cope with this.

And again SORRY if it offends but the reason why people are so outraged is because TMZ put a photo on their website and it went all around the world (remember the police have not confirmed it is the real photo of Rihanna).

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:05 PM on 03/16/2009

You are so wrong and I find it reprehensible that you lead with the idea that "Chris" needs our help. This is precisely the type of rationalization that keeps so many women from reporting abuse--and the exact same defense that abusers love to recieve. I am truly stunned by how many so called progressive thinking men and women (from all races) still think that there is something that a woman can do to somehow "deserve" getting beaten (as in this case) nearly to death. This was not a case where Rihanna was physically threatening him. I don't care what she may have done--he still should have walked away. This is as one sided as it can get--he filed no charges against her; and I assure you--if a man is truthfully threatened--he will call the police himself. But because he is young and famous,--people like you come to his defense.

I guess if he had raped her you would be saying--"well what was she wearing--did she come up his room?"...

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:24 PM on 03/16/2009

I totally agree that he should have stopped the car and walked away, I wish he had.

But again we were not in that car and we do not know exactly what was said and what happened.

I do not find your last point amusing as I was raped, enough said.

Yes Chris needs our support and help not our criticsm. He needs to go and get counselling, therapy, anger management classes and he needs to be supported in his mission to heal, change, repent and become a better man.

His aunt phoned in to a radio station and I was crying along with her. She said her nephew is being killed by the media and public without anyone hearing his story.
There is always 3 sides to a story. Her story, his story and the Gods honest truth.

All we have is Rihanna's side, is Chris not entitled to share his side and have his day in court?

It really doesn't matter what I say because 80% of the world has already convicted him.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:40 PM on 03/16/2009

Sorry Yvonne R Davis,

I think your viewpoint is the problem that has the whole world calling for 19 year old Chris Brown to be lynched. Have you read some of the comments on other websites calling a n****, a black thug, gangster rapper and comments that he should be murdered or raped.

Are you kidding. Sorry but I am not about to support and jump on the bandwagon to crucify a 19 year old black TEENAGER who has not had his day in court to defend himself. There were 2 people in that car and we were not there. Chris has never been violent before and 6 weeks ago he was the squeaky clean smooth r&b teenage singer who was respectful and humble.

Sorry if this offends anyone but there are holes in Rihanna's police statement and the photo was illegally leaked and has not been confirmed as the real official police photo. We are talking about this in my community too.

So you want to jump in the queue like everyone else and lock him up in jail for years to only come out and become an outcast, a has-been faded r'n'b singer.

What I love about the black community in the USA and UK is we do give people a second chance after they have sought help.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:47 PM on 03/16/2009
- Yvonne R. Davis - Huffpost Blogger I'm a Fan of Yvonne R. Davis 27 fans permalink

Don't be Sorry StarShine13. Chris Brown and Be Be Winans point to a much larger and deeper issue. Since I have not called for any lynching or things you have written in your reply post, I do not take responsbility for the harsh comments you have read. It is unfortunate.

If you are saying Rihanna is lying and the photo is not real then you may have news I don't have and if you are correct in your assumption and hope that would be a very terrible thing Rihanna could to her boyfriend Chris Brown; whom she is with now I might add.

Since I never said anything about locking up Chris Brown and you wrote this, I don't have to reply to this. You are reading things into the piece that was never even written.

To your last point, the Black community forgives and gives second chances to everyone including white people for slavery and discrimination. I agree we are a forgiving people and should be. The operative words you wrote were, "after they have sought help." So far we are waiting to see if our community is seeking help to end this cycle of violence and we hope and pray both Chris Brown and Rihanna seek help.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:07 PM on 03/16/2009
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If it is of interest to anyone, here is a link to an article that I think addresses this topic from a more balanced and factual perspective: http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2003-06-22-abuse-usat_x.htm

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:11 PM on 03/16/2009
- Yvonne R. Davis - Huffpost Blogger I'm a Fan of Yvonne R. Davis 27 fans permalink

Thinkb4uleapII,

I read the article. It is a great and very enligtening article and I am not surprised. Thank you. With that being said, my point still remains and your point with the article is a deflection.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:43 PM on 03/16/2009

Yvonne, you are lovely and diplomatic...but I can't understand how you would thank that poster for posting an article that is meant to imply that Rihanna--or somehow women can "make" a man beat her. I have four strong african american brothers--three of which have had their own experiences with physically agressive women. In every case--they have done what they were supposed to do--protected themeselves and fled the situation before it escalated. They DID NOT however, do as Mr. Brown did--punch, bite and choke the woman until she was unconsicous.

You wrote a great article that NEEDS TO BE HEARD BY THE BLACK COMMUNITY!!!

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:24 PM on 03/16/2009

Great article and its very right, people don't listen to statistics or even the victim anymore. Rihanna admitted to hitting and punching Chris first. People call Rihanna weak and a fool and they aren't going to buy her music anymore but I think that she's honest because she realize the part that she played in the situation and that is why she admitted to hitting Chris first in which it sheds a new light on the case. I wonder if the women that's commenting would have told the police that they were the one that attcked the man first and if not that would be wrong on so many levels. All we can do is wait until they go to court.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:56 PM on 03/16/2009
- Yvonne R. Davis - Huffpost Blogger I'm a Fan of Yvonne R. Davis 27 fans permalink

Prtypoison,

So we become apologists for the issue now? Yes, she was foolish, but it still does not give any a man a right to do what young Chris Brown did to her. Did he not bite her? Is it possible that he might be stronger than her to at least restrain her? Again, yes the article is the article and it is a point that must be discussed and dealt with the but the facts are the facts about what is happening the black community against black women and we must stop all of this apology stuff and making excuses.

Our community will always sit in this problem if we contnue with this garbage.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:28 AM on 03/17/2009

Why are so many people taking offense at her addressing this as an issue in the black community? She never said that it was something unique to African-Americans, just with different challenges. After reading many of the comments it seems to me that the only mistake she possibly made was that maybe huff post was not the forum to have this particular discussion­.....becau­se once again, it assumed that we (as in Blacks) are nothing more than Whites with a tan, when the truth is that there are different cultural norms in Black communities that need to be addressed. Her post is a critique on the victim blaming and denial that goes on in black communities, and just because you don't like to hear that doesn't mean it's not true. Yes, of course domestic violence is a worldwide issue, but in the same vein that it needs to be dealt with differently in muslim countries, it has different considerations in African-American communities as well.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:10 PM on 03/16/2009

The defensive comments to this post are an amazing display of the ignorance and outright denial that allows domestic abuse to flourish in the black community. Yes, as a matter a fact Black women do fall victim to domestic abuse much more often than other racial groups, in some communities more than 2x as much, yet as Black people who are quick to organize and react to even the most minor infractions in the name of race.....we can rarely seem to scrape up that kind of direct outrage for Black women when they have been abused (or raped for that matter). Anyone denying that truly gets addressed is merely contributing to the dishonesty that allows that very fact to exist. Buried under the guise of "holding up our brothers" is perpetuating the coddling of Black men regardless of the offense at the expense of them standing on the bent backs of Black women everywhere. yes I said it! and many of you out there know that it's true! It's not about condemning Black men as evil bad people, alot of it is systemic that has to do with many more issues that I won't go into here.....but in our constant attempts to "protect" them, we enable their violent misogyny and silence our true pain by brushing it under the table. You think I'm exaggerating? ........ ask Black folks if they would feel different if it was Kid Rock behind Rhiannas bruises. I have, and it's amazing the response.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:09 PM on 03/16/2009
- Yvonne R. Davis - Huffpost Blogger I'm a Fan of Yvonne R. Davis 27 fans permalink

Magicstarship,

I want thank you so much for your two thoughtful replies. You have competely captured my point and you have actually most eloquently articulated the defensive posture by many of the HP respondents.

We cannot run from this issue and you are most right when you say we as black women have a tendancy to "coddle" our men when something is going wrong. On another note, I was talking to my girlfriend last night on the phone and she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. I was surprised by the break-up because from what I witnessed, he was an upstanding brother who really added to the relationship.

Educated, very good looking and even has his own business. I was shocked when she shared with me that he contributed nothing to the relationship, but control, threats and spying. I asked her why she put up with this situation for so long, and her reply was, "Yvonne, I was holding him up, and making excuses about the reality of the situation."

Now, while I have given this as an example to illustrate a point, I am not at all saying this is all black men, but truth is truth and let us deal in the realities of our community. Thank you again and the best to you.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:26 PM on 03/16/2009

"She must have done something....." That is the rationale that you hear expressed over and over regarding this whole dysfunctional Rhianna/Chris Brown mess. Even if Rhianna pushed every button he possesses -- either verbally or with a slap or punch -- until I see the photos of Chris Brown looking like that post-fight photo I saw of Rhianna, I can't sympathize with him. People have said she did everything from verbally abusing him, to being too needy and jealous to giving him an STD. If any or all of that is true, she did indeed "do something...." but that still doesn't justify him physically abusing her.

Rhianna and Chris Brown are two woefully immature individuals who are on the verge of losing everything, careerwise, that they've worked so hard to achieve. And it is sad that this private tragedy has to be played out in public view.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 06:50 PM on 03/16/2009

Exactly!

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:45 PM on 03/16/2009
- mmgbizgirl I'm a Fan of mmgbizgirl 20 fans permalink
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Where's the outrage?

It has been coming from everyone, every where. This case of abuse has sparked a global conversation. I get feedback from friends, people I meet in checkout lines, at church on Sundays, young people discussing it on talk shows, mothers now having open conversations with their daughters about abuse in ways I never witnessed as a young woman.

What does "Black Outrage" look like to you? Riots in the streets?

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 06:47 PM on 03/16/2009
- Yvonne R. Davis - Huffpost Blogger I'm a Fan of Yvonne R. Davis 27 fans permalink

MMGBIZGIRL,

What Black Outrage looks like to me is action, not talking, talking and talking and shaking our heads.

Black outrage sent people to protest when Rosa Parks was arrested. Black outrage helped to support Martin Luther King. Black outrage put a black man in the White House.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:29 PM on 03/16/2009

The problem with those examples are that the actions and injustice taken was CLEARLY a matter of race. Thus, blacks felt the call to action. Similarly, when blacks are made into beating posts or are slain in the streets like Sean Bell, blacks unite as a force and protest. Clearly, people do not view this as a racial issue, rightfully so.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 10:07 PM on 03/16/2009
- mmgbizgirl I'm a Fan of mmgbizgirl 20 fans permalink
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Outrage may well have put a black man in office but so did talking, talking, talking, and shaking hands, and being real, and educating people about who Barack Obama is. He talked so much people finally heard, listened, trusted then voted. Each step IS action.

Outrage managed constructively gets the job done. You are speaking to the choir but there is always more than one way to get something accomplished and communicated.

Continue your conversation with America. That's action.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 10:21 AM on 03/17/2009
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