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The Changeling

Posted: Updated:


Change is on the horizon.
Change is a'coming.
Change is good.

Well, that's good to hear, from both presidential nominees, as change would be a good thing for our beautiful country, no matter who brings it about.

But I have a question: If we can change an entire nation, the most powerful nation in the world no less, why is it that we have not mastered the art of changing MEN?

I think of my beautiful, witty, single girlfriends and how they've lowered the bar so much that they're willing to dub anyone wearing matching socks as a "good catch," and I am perplexed.

I'm not asking for a major overhaul, just a little change in some areas:

Lying and cheating.

Stop the madness, already. When we're in love (or lust) women are smarter than you. We're nosier. We know how to crack every so-called password that you can invent and we're cunning enough to entrap you into telling on yourself. Tell us the truth, from the first day. If a woman is one of several in your lineup, let her know so that she can keep her options open, too. Don't be so greedy.

Gold diggin.'

Yes, times are tough all over and a second job is a great idea for YOU. Keep in mind that women have two or three jobs already--rearing children, playing office politics, manipulating our frenemies, the PTA--so stay out of our pocketbooks. Sugar mommas are a fallacy, much like the Tooth Fairy. We're not buying or renting you.

And misrepresentation. We'd like to meet YOU, not your best face, a.k.a. your representative. Sooner or later, the masks fall off and we'll meet the real you anyway. No need to download those phony ATM balance receipts http://www.prankplace.com/atm.htm.

No need to wear that spray-on hair.

If a woman loves you, she will love you broke and bald, just the same. That's the beauty about us. We're genuine.

Yes ladies, I know. Our mothers say that there is no way to change a man unless that man is a baby--and needs his diaper changed.

But we can hope, right?

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