As Donald Trump's penis, I feel I must weigh in on the growing speculation as to just how big I am. At Thursday's GOP debate, the man whose flabby, out of shape body I am attached to boasted "I guarantee, there's no problem."

If a guy can put on leggings without his hands, so can I. Maybe?

As a lifelong journalist, it's killing me to see how few revealing questions Trump has ever answered honestly. And, as an unemployed journalist, I've got plenty of time to come with questions I'd love to ask him. Questions that don't allow him to reach into his stock answer bin.

In my five years in Key West how often have I been asked, "What about hurricanes? Aren't you afraid?"

Watch as Donald Trump is endorsed by none other than Yosemite Sam.

ASSOCIATED PRESS

She asks me for money every time. It's never a lot. One dollar here, five dollars there. 'Just chip in, Friend,' she writes. 'If you're with me, Friend.' I think about it. One dollar, five dollars -- in the grand scheme of things it's not that much to part with. And it would be for a Friend, of course.

This fresh aroma from our new line of spring fragrances will fill your space with a nostalgic scent that'll bring back precious memories of spending the summer as a child on the Jersey shore and also a bunch of vintage L.L. Bean catalogs.

Hello! We staff here at the Trump House have heard rumors that the transition to the new regime has been difficult for some. While those who raised the rumors have been swiftly executed, we thought it would be a good idea to provide some guidance to you, the populace.