So we're all -- Christians, I mean -- stuck with the Duggars. But the person who's really stuck with them is former Fox News personality Mike Huckabee. They're all over his presidential campaign. Which is why he stood up for them this morning, in a Facebook post that already had 1.7 million likes.
Have you read the amazing children's book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst? If not, you should. Here's my parody of the original, from an adult's point of view.
Over the course of the past two weeksm I have been noticeably grumpy. That is, grumpier than my normal self. I've had my "reasonability" questioned, by my wife. And I've been called "somewhat abrasive", by my neighbor.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered there are actually Female Genitalia Police, lots of them, stalking the Interwebz for any and all slang references we ignorant sluts have been venomously spewing to reference our nether regions.
Pippa, you have a sail on your head. Or a fin. Something. If you haven't been made aware, Pippa Middleton, lover of hats, and the sister made famous for being a sister, occasionally writes an opinion-slash-advice column for Vanity Fair. Yes that Vanity Fair.
... and I have the energy of someone twice my age!
Ironman/Tony Stark: He's the guy everyone calls on in a pinch -- and he'll always come to the rescue, but he wants the glory for doing it, and he has no intention of sharing the spotlight. It's his way or the highway, and you're never going to mean more to him than his favorite suit.
Listen up, American newborns. I realize your middle ears are still teeming with fluid and you're only capable of responding to high-pitched voices, but in just 35 short years, you'll be eligible to run for our nation's highest office.
Get the C-5M Super Galaxy, that's the largest plane in the Air Force's arsenal, and load it up with the two rival motorcycle gangs, the Bandidos and the Cossacks.
Holding the door open is an important gesture. So it's important that we get it right. After all, there are thousands of profession doormen. There are no professional gesundheit-sayers.
I know exactly what I'm going to order -- shaved Brussels sprout salad and scallops, please and thank you. eHA is less decisive, and asks our server to select his courses for him. So trusting. I feel like there's a metaphor in here somewhere.
In the future, Christian civilization will collapse. Bands of militant homosexuals, dressed in leather and face paint, will roam the cultural wastelands, gay marrying anyone and anything in their path. Only one man stands between them and the total destruction of traditional marriage--Mad Mike Huckabee!
The occasion of Letterman's final broadcast is an opportune time to recount one of the most triumphant moments during Dave's 33-year tenure, the "Late Show" debut of comedian Steve Mazan, who beat the professional (not to mention the health) odds to make come true his dream of performing on his hero's stage.
What ever happened to snuggling up on a banquet seat with a ginger tea and Jonathan Franzen novel on a Saturday? What? I'm not a man you say? Excuse me, but real men vacuum. I don't need to pound my chest like an ape and prove my testosterone count to anyone...
It's time once again for my annual vow to the entire country: No matter how high temperatures rise in the months ahead, I'll never, ever leave home wearing pants that are anything but full-length. My thighs, knees, and calves shall remain permanently hidden from public view. This is my gift to America.
Technically, I probably shouldn't do a lot of the things I still do. But I also can't help shake the feeling that I'm not the only one--that there are definitely hordes of other grown ups out there who also feel vaguely like total impostors.