My problem is earworms, those insidious tunes that get stuck in your head and repeat themselves over and over and over until you're completely distracted and want to strangle Carly Rae Jepsen, even though you don't have a clue who she is.
People are going to take offense to anything and everything. It's human nature. But do I set out to BE offensive? No. I don't GIVE offense. My friend Fiona, when discussing this issue, told me this: "Offense is taken, not given." And she's 1,000 percent correct.
Coming soon to a theater near you: The Misadventures of Adam-Boy! No, that movie doesn't exist yet. But the Native American cinematic community might want to consider such a film, as it may be the best way to exact payback on Adam Sandler.
If George W. Bush won two presidential elections in part because he was the candidate you'd rather have a beer with, brother Jeb is shaping up as the candidate who better not have a beer with you.
One mother, initially thrilled to hear about this study, wondered if Apple could perhaps figure out a way for the next generation iPad "to bathe and tuck in my little brats at night so I don't have to. Now that would be something."
Greetings, hapless humans! I am Ultron! And I am running for President of the United States.
Let's face it -- should you find yourself in a situation where, when you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home, then you know you are either dying or somebody slipped some LSD into your cocktail.
Maybe not bust-a-gut funny jokes (maybe not even that "philosophical"), but certainly more interesting than your typical locker room fare. Here are five examples I heard in Philosophy classes.
Throw out every writer's guide you've ever bought or downloaded. Shred all the notes you ever took at all those writing workshops. Forget everything your writing teachers told you in school. E.L. James, author of the blockbuster Fifty Shades of Grey, has published a writing guide.
There are many ways to deal with annoying coworkers, but obviously the most effective way is to picture them as rappers. Picturing your coworkers as rappers makes you laugh and provides a helpful nickname that can be used when talking about them behind their backs.
"Look," the official said, "we've clearly marginalized this group of people for decades, so my announcement that we're excluding black citizens from the protections guaranteed by civil rights laws should come as no surprise to anyone here. I'm just making it official."
Here is a mental exercise of employing standard publisher rejection templates as they might have been used for some of the great (or notorious) classics of Western Civilization.
Last night I went to Jennifer Aniston's wedding. What? You didn't know she got married? I don't think she knows either... because the wedding happened in my dreams.