Chris Kelly

Writer, 'Real Time with Bill Maher'

"What!" I exclaimed. "But you can't be Gatsby. He's dead!" "I assure you," the stranger insisted, removing his false beard and mustache, "I'm alive."

Alison Rosen

Co-host, 'Adam Carolla Show;' host, 'Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend'

I still hold out hope that one day I'll wake up a completely different person -- one who prefers Capri pants to sweats and who summers at a beachfront cottage on some sort of cape with several other witty and charming couples.

Kelly Cogswell

Independent journalist and award-winning columnist, New York's Gay City News.

When you read any food writer, even Michael Pollan, expounding on "traditional" cuisines, you should do it with both eyebrows raised, and your upper lip curled in a pronounced and skeptical sneer.

Creed Bratton

Actor, 'The Office'

Well, that's that. Tears have been shed. Stories have been finalized and Creed ends up right where he belongs... jail. Sometimes the days were long, sometimes the coffee was odd, but the company was always... hmm, well, odd also.

Tim Paul

Annoyance Theatre (Actor/Writer/Director), Second City Network (Staff Writer)

At this rate, if I want to remain comfortably single without the pressures of a looming marriage proposal, I'll have to move to one of those states. Next time I'm on Craigslist, I'm going have to forego the "Men Seeking Men" section so that I can peruse apartments in Biloxi.

Louis Virtel

West Coast Entertainment Editor, TheBacklot.com

Now that Season 12 is over, let's judge Idol's judges, Keith Urban, Nicki Minaj, Randy Jackson and Mariah Carey, for all they're worth -- and, hell, Seacrest too. Frankly, they all deserve it.

Arden Phillips

Student at Syracuse University

Some say that being an American means having the utmost pride in your country. But here are a few other characteristics that I think describe what it really means to be an American.

Mandy Jackson-Beverly

Teacher,Costume Designer, Writer

On my way to the kitchen, I felt a break in the force -- something was definitely off kilter. It was then that I heard those few words that can turn a marriage into chaos.

Gregory Weinkauf

Poet, pundit, award-winning entertainment writer, lives to dance

On Thursday night, the 9th of May, 2013, as a rainbow descended into Hollywood and a cotton-candy sunset filled the firmament of Beverly Hills, the Paley Center for Media L.A. celebrated a humor deity: the one and only Mel Brooks.

Steven Strauss

Adjunct Lecturer in Public Policy, Harvard Kennedy School

Are the Clintons simply too powerful for Colbert to "speak truth to power"? Because if prominent satirists are now afraid to make fun of powerful politicians, our American Republic is in trouble, and it's no laughing matter.

Keith Blanchard

Chief Content Officer, Thrillist Media Group

The world population of Content Marketing Experts is exploding at an unsustainable pace -- 12 times the growth of the population as a whole, and nearly twice as fast as One Direction fan blogs, according to recent pretend census data.

Mike Ryan

Senior Entertainment Writer, The Huffington Post

There wasn't an endless parade of Bill Hader and Fred Armisen's greatest hits. Instead, both men left as they arrived, standouts of the ensemble, without overshadowing the cast. A fitting sendoff.

Tracy Morgan

Actor

Growing up in the hood surrounded by a lot of poverty, music was one of the only things that made people feel good. That's why we need music and arts. We've got to put instruments in young people's hands because that's the kind of thing that really touches the soul.

Carol Hartsell

Senior Comedy Editor, The Huffington Post

You hold in your hands a letter. Not an email, not a Facebook message, not a DM. An actual, physical missive. It is an epistle, of the ilk our fathers and their fathers once wrote. In short, this is a real "brick and mortar" affair you are looking at.

Emma Gray

Associate Editor, HuffPost Women

The sketch made me laugh out loud, because, let's face it, Schumer and her lady friends are completely hilarious. But it also hit a little too close to home.

Grooch

Cartoonist and satirist

The first round of the 2013 NHL Playoffs is finished and only one of four Canadian teams remains.

The water cooler talk is all about "who will I cheer for now?"

Sanjay Sanghoee

Banker, political and business commentator; author of 'Killing Wall Street' (www.killingwallstreet.com)

By migrating illegally, Ted Nugent is sticking it to Mexico by giving them a taste of their own medicine. Let's see how the Mexicans like it when Ted Nugent tunnels in under the border!