funniest tweets
"I asked my husband for help picking up before company gets here so naturally he’s out replacing the sprinkler heads."
"I am NOT paying 5k for a dog unless it’s Brian griffin"
"I wish I loved anything as much as my husband loves asking me questions he could easily Google."
"Car trips with my wife are great ‘cause I get to listen to 10 seconds each of 400 songs she hates."
WHAT'S HAPPENING
"I used the old 'I gave birth to you' on my daughter, she said 'That was one time.'"
"Weird pregnancy craving of the day: Chinese food and mashed potatoes. At the same time."
"My kid told me he deserved more cheese and who am I to argue with that"
"sorry i was weird last night. it was to move the plot forward"
"Movie date night when you're married is spent passive aggressively turning up the volume on each other when the other chews too loudly."
"Look I never said I was smart but I just picked up my phone absentmindedly, fully intending to text my dog."