Tweets Of The Week
"So excited for my kids to return to school so I can spend my free time reading the 50 emails their school sends each day"
"I’m forever loyal to that password I chose at age 12"
"i don’t need a weighted blanket i need to be baked into a pie"
"I love in cult documentaries when you can tell the former members are still kinda into it"
WHAT'S HAPPENING
"It’s so funny that one of Santa’s reindeer is named Vixen. He’s like 'and this…is the sexy one.'"
"no thoughts november. i will not be doing any more thinking"
"Moms be like, 'Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.'"
"The adult version of 'head, shoulders, knees and toes' is 'wallet, glasses, keys and phone.'"
"call me humpty dumpty the way I am having a great fall"
"(Flirting) if i was murdered would u solve my case?"