03/28/2008 02:45 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Do Commercials Geared Towards Women Terrify You?

I never thought there was anything weird about this until someone started leaving the TV on in my office during the day. The commercials that followed the overcaffeinated yammering of the morning talk show hosts gave me a glimpse into what it must be like to be a woman. And it scared the hell out of me.

One after another, jagged bursts of 30-second terrors assaulted me: Is there something wrong with my hair? Are my kids going to catch germs from my dirty floor? Am I getting fat? These TV women seem to live in constant fear of buying the wrong shampoo or wearing the wrong shoes. Each ad is a mini-drama--life is going fine, a problem presents itself, and then it's solved in the nick of time by some product that makes everything better. Man secret: Nothing besides Oreos makes everything better.

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