03/28/2008 02:46 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

MSNBC Breaks Scoop On Critical Baby Name Bellwether

Because there is simply no limit to the number of inane ways the political landscape can be discussed, MSNBC today spent some time delivering a groundbreaking story: some of the candidates for President have funny names! More and more parents are naming their children "Barack" for some reason, seemingly unaware of the fact that "Barack" means "blessed" in the languages of foreign people who dress in turbans and strange caftans and who practice violent jihad against freedom. How does Clinton fare with today's babymakers? Well, MSNBC carefully notes that on the list of popular names, "Hillary...is fairly low down." Which is an interesting way to say it, isn't it? They go on to report that there are 981 names that Americans find less stomach-retchingly abhorrent than "Hillary."

Who's the big baby name winner? Well, we hate to hit you with such a gale-force shattering of the conventional wisdom, but it's "John!" And hey, there's a "John McCain" running! Fun fact: A baby born today and given the name "John" can expect to have to fight in Senator McCain's war by the year 2028, and it won't even be one-fifth of the way over! We'll keep you updated on all these important election bellwethers whenever they plummet from high in the sky and hit us squarely on the head.

"From rock-a-bye to Barack-o-bye. Is it possible Barack Obama could be bringing change to the maternity ward? Listen to this: Barack has been crowned name of the year. People crown these sorts of things. It comes from the baby name wizard. It's an online site that tracks the popularity of baby names. Barack, by the way, if you didn't realize it, means "blessed" in both Swahili and Arabic. But Barack does have a long way to go in the so-called name game competition. Hillary, if you're wondering, already in the top 1,000 names for girls but she's fairly low down. I mean, she's 982, which means 981 better choices exist, apparently, according to Americans, for a name than Hillary. The front-runner, at least in this race-is John. Senator McCain is smiling somewhere. John comes in at number 20 on the popularity list."