05/11/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

The Winehouse Vortex

Consider: the epicenter of today's great tabloid fodder is Amy "Slag Heap" Winehouse. The scabby soul siren consistently delivers. This week alone, she got a slap on the wrist for assault, cheated on her husband, showed her hickey to the paps, and answered the door in her bra.

It's no surprise Winehouse herself serves as a black hole of celebrity misbehavior. Recently, scientists have proven that an actual force field radiates out from Winehouse's person, a phenomenon known as the Winehouse Vortex. This irresistible gravitational slag-force attracts anything in her orbit, dragging it down to the lowest depths of the four food groups of celebrity gossip: career, appearance, drugs and relationships.

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