Father's Day: HuffPost Bloggers Reflect

Father's Day: HuffPost Bloggers Reflect

As we celebrate fathers everywhere, HuffPost has gathered some thoughts from our bloggers on the meaning of Father's Day.

If time heals all wounds, why is today's second Father's Day without my husband even more difficult than last year?

He sure would have liked to have been here this week for the birth of our second grandchild and his first granddaughter. I can see his smile and feel his pride and gratitude; but I sure wish Liam and Stella could have met their grandfather and spent many Father's Days with him...

...I'm thinking of you on Father's Day, Aaron. I may even watch a few episodes of "The Love Boat," "Dynasty" and "Charlie's Angels" just to feel a little closer. Randy, Tori and our grandchildren are great. Thought you'd want to know.

As many of us celebrate, or at least mark, Father's Day today, feel free to spend at least a moment to ponder the countless children left fatherless by our war in Iraq. The numbers in Iraq, of course, are staggering but for now let's just consider the nearly forgotten here in the U.S.

American fatalities are listed in our newspapers, and I write several times a week about how families react to the individual deaths, particularly of the noncombat variety. Ceremonies are held, flags presented, tributes published. But there (even for me, I confess) the stories always end.

As has been asked in so many other contexts: What about the children? Especially on Father's Day.

Each year at this time, we celebrate fathers, and in doing so we can't help contemplating our relationships with our own fathers as well as the kind of dads we have become.

In a family, the roles we pass from generation to generation can be like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person has the courage to stand and face the fire.

That fire is the legacy of esteem for oneself and for others that is learned from the family dynamic. I always say that the best gift you can give your children is a healthier you. Even the most apparently well-adjusted and gracious families host elements of ill health and disconnection behind their closed doors.

The officializing of the father's day holiday might link to the start of a gradual shift in the nature of the relationship between dads and kids. Or maybe it was all about commerce... with the official holiday arriving just in time to grab some of the cash increasing numbers of women were just starting to earn.

Whatever the reason, the dads celebrated today have come a big distance from the dads of a hundred years back, a trip they've made in concert with today's moms: As the moms have moved out into the workforce and established themselves there, the dads have moved into the home life in new ways.

Little attention has been paid to the impact that women's liberation has had on men. The unacknowledged truth is that men have been transformed too. Today, men have more freedom, flexibility and choices--in the most meaningful ways. A University of Michigan study found that children's time with their fathers increased significantly only in families in which the mother worked out side the home. As researchers of the Families and Work Institute summed up, "There are many other indications that the workforce has become more family-friendly--especially the fact that American fathers are spending more time with their children than fathers did a generation ago. This trait seems to be passed along in the DNA of the new workforce. Gen X fathers spend significantly more time with their children than baby-boomer fathers--a difference of more than one hour each day. And most men are aware of this difference: 84 percent report that they spend more time with their kids than their fathers did. As the researchers point out, "Obviously, this trend is affected by the increase in the number of employed mothers." Today, more husbands count on their wives to bring home a significant share of the family wealth; nearly one in four women now earns more than her husband. With this, men have options to leave a negative work environment, change careers, take more career risks, and be more involved with their children.

During my last trip to New Orleans I noticed that a pile of sheets which looked perfectly normal during the day resembled 13th Century Persian poet Rumi once the light changed -- as clear as grilled cheese Jesus. 2008-06-14-rumi.png My husband was on tour in Germany near the Frankenstein castle, so he didn't need any more odd news.

By the time the next guests came through I showed them why the clean sheets were still unfolded and they also thought that the image was uncanny.

Then they made the bed.

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